Oops...I Did it Again

Tonight, I yet again had great intentions that were left somewhat unfulfilled. Now that school is back in session for all, more single mingle opportunities are available. I decided to take advantage of the institute of religion classes which are available all over this valley. Before leaving the house, I had a plan. The plan was to scope out each class and find the one with the most potentials for the dating pool. I arrived a little early and had the opportunity to sit in the foyer and people watch. This was good as I could spy the direction that several hotties were headed. Not a few minutes after taking my seat however, a girl I know came walking right in front of me. I stopped her to talk of course and she was also headed for class but unsure which class to join. After a quick explanation of my plan I recruited her as my sidekick. We scoped out each class dutifully and finally decided on one that could possibly have potential?? Being late to the class however, we were forced to sit on the front row. There were no available seats next to any available men so...I sat with the girl...on the front row were eyeing the possibilites was hardly an option. So, I had no choice but to sit back and try to enjoy the class and work on my spiritual growth instead. Not to worry though, a mingle is provided after the class with treats so there were still opportunities yet to be had. Our classes let out a little early so we headed down to the location of the mingle and waited patiently for other would be minglers to join us.

Shortly, the people started to come. The treats showed up (trail mix, really?) and mingling began. Now, situations such as these always present somewhat of a dilemma for me. People come in groups. Why do they come in groups? I think that having a posse gives us a sense of security and also an out. I went with the intention of going alone so that I could meet new people. The problem is, most people don't do that. To me, this tells me that they are not there to mingle but they are there for the trail mix that they didn't pick up on their last shopping trip. Meeting people has to be more than a one way act. Anyway, the dilemma is, do I force myself into their groups or wait for them to come to me? Wait...who is going to come to me when they already have the security of a posse? Whatever. Next, as I have previously mentioned...I have no approach! Tonight I came to the realization that it's hard enough for me to be there, in large gatherings with several available women who are skinnier and in my eyes, much better looking, let alone put myself out there and talk to strangers. At heart I am still a small child whose conscience is screaming, "stranger danger!"

Lesson learned: I need to feel somewhat comfortable in a situation before I extend myself even further. I want to beat myself up for not talking to anyone new but at the same time, I have to applaud that I held my head up high, walked with confidence, looked people in the eye and tried my hardest to thwart any negative comparisons between the other ladies and myself. There was a girl there in fact that when I saw her I though, "wow, she is really skinny and really pretty." I was about to wish that I looked like her when I said to myself, "she is beautiful in her way and I am beautiful in mine." I kept my head high. Honestly, that was a powerful moment for me and not something to hang my head about.

What I did accomplish: I ran into another old friend that I haven't seen in a few years. He's pretty hot actually. This gentleman is a few years older than me and a really great guy. I saw him sitting in the foyer so I approached him and ended up having a really great conversation with him. I introduced my other friend and we talked about where our lives have taken us since we last saw eachother. Now, I have never been interested in dating him but over the last couple of years, I have certainly thought of him and not ruled him out as a possibility. I'm not sure if he is dating anyone or not. Either way, if he were to ask...I would certainly not turn him down. Maybe running into him reminded him about me and now he knows that I'm here and I'm available. If nothing else, at least I talked to a hot guy this evening so it wasn't a complete failure in that regard.

Finally, I need your feedback on this blog! I have been writing every other day lately because I am busy and I love to write so my posts end up being fairly long. Some of you have mentioned this but it's who I am and the purpose of the blog is to write, to share, and to explore ideas. I'm not sure how often people are checking it and expecting a post so the question is....too much? too little? too often? not often enough?  I'm here for you...your wish is my demand. Okay, the blog is really for me and I think about it constantly but I'm happy that you are willing to let me share it with you. Anyway, I was just wondering if you had been wondering why I wasn't posting every day or if you were glad that I wasn't. Fill me in!!