People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Mr. Shady # 48

I’ve been on a few hikes lately. It’s one of my favorite past times. Most summers I am out there conquering a new peak or exploring a new lake or waterfall, at least a few times a week. Each climb is difficult and I’ve brought this up before. These days I’m a little out of shape from my recent worldly wanderings but I’m getting back into my groove. While I have compared dating and life to that of climbing a mountain in the past, it occurred to me further that it’s not just about the climbs and the descents. Metaphorically speaking, this year has been filled with an abundance of peaks and valleys for me, but with each climb, I always like to sit a little at the top and contemplate life and reevaluate. It’s a beautiful, peaceful place, free of distraction where I can think clearly and come up with solutions to most of my problems. Dating and life in general, is no different. How many times this year have you heard me say, “I just need a little break?” Too many I’m sure. I realized today that it is because I have been through some pretty difficult climbs. Each one requires a little resting/regrouping time. So, I don’t mean to complain, because I am so grateful for the opportunities I’ve had and for the many interesting people I’ve met.
When I hike, though it’s hard, each climb makes me a little stronger and a little more prepared for the next. I build up endurance and am soon able to increase the difficulty and length of my hikes, allowing me to see hidden treasures that I never would have had access to in the past. As I look back on my year so far, I know that in my dating life I’ve had some tough climbs, at least for me, but I feel like as I look back on what I have conquered, I have learned SO much, I am stronger, I have a better sense of who I am and what I want, and even though I take short resting periods, I refuse give up and to be denied what I KNOW lies ahead. I love hiking. I love being in the mountains…even when it’s hard. I love life and being a part of it, not standing on the outside looking in. So, after a couple of weeks of contemplation and regrouping, I think I am ready to give it my best effort again. After slowing down for a couple of weeks, I finally had another date Friday night. This Mr. Shady and I had been talking since I got home from Europe. Actually we texted a little when I got home and then I didn’t hear from him in weeks. I was happy enough to move on. Last week however, he decided to contact me again. We talked on the phone a couple of times and set up the date. He decided on dessert and Bruges and Frites Belgian Waffles. I had been there once before with the first pilot so I knew it was good. We decided to try the Sugarhouse location. I was a little late thanks to the disappearances of my map on my iphone when I updated but I finally made it. Dessert was delicious…I took his recommendation. We chatted about the usual things. His life has been kind of interesting so it was fun to hear about. After we finished he asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I always love a good walk so we went. It was kind of chilly out so I was pretty cold at first but I warmed up a little after some walking. While we were out I found out that he likes to read interesting books which made me happy. I’m kind of a nerd like that I guess but I was pretty excited about the Physics book he is reading. Reading wins guys some serious points for me! It always makes for interesting conversation. Eventually as we walked, we found ourselves heading toward this super sketchy park. He told me that it was kind of scary and that he was pretty sure that there were some drug deals going down over there. He said we’d just walk until we got to it, and then turn around. I wasn’t too scared because I had this big guy with me. We walked into the park though and no one else was really around. It was dark…except for the lights, but kind of scary. As we got further in, I realized that I shouldn’t be so trusting! I was with a stranger basically. I started imagining all the things that could and do go wrong from online dating and I was like, “What are you doing?!” That was the voice inside my head by the way. Sure he had a slight limp from his recent hip surgery but that could have totally been made up! I finally asked if we could turn around because I was REALLY scared. He laughed a little that I had actually gotten scared (I didn’t tell him why) but turned immediately around. Thankfully he was a really nice guy and I don’t think his intentions were to kill or rape me that night. Still…you have to be careful and I haven’t been careful enough lately at all. I’ve been pretty stupid a lot of times and I am grateful that nothing horrible has happened. I can see how it does though. He walked me back to my car and we said goodbye. It was a nice night but I doubt we will go out again. I wasn’t really attracted to him and there is just something about him that I think I don’t really connect with…despite his kindness and intelligence. I haven’t heard from him so I’m not really counting on anything happening there. I met some new friends this week, I partied with some old friends, and I spent time with family. It’s been a good week. As I move forward I am just going to keep reminding myself of the old saying, “Let go and let God.”

Thursday, September 27, 2012

That Time of the Month..

No...not THAT time! I can't believe you thought I'd post about that! It's actually my turn to post on the awesome blog, "Or So She Says," so feel free to check me out over there in the morning (Friday). I will be there on the fourth Friday of every month. This month I was needing a little self pep talk so I decided to give one to everyone. I guess I've just been a little down on myself lately after coming home from Europe and off of that high, to Mr. Man's awesome disappearance from my life and the usual struggles that come with dating. I've met a lot of great people and had some really fun times. I've also had to break a few hearts which is almost as hard as getting your own broken...and when you have both happening at the same time, wow! It's difficult! I've learned from this process however, that it is best just to be honest. I HATE it when guys just leave me hanging and one day decide they are done and I never hear from them again. I hate it especially when we've been dating for a few months and talking to each other every day. As a result, I never want to leave someone else hanging the same way so I am honest in the nicest way possible. It's so hard but I think it's been good for me at the same time, because I am opening up and being more bold and I'm also narrowing down what I can and cannot live without., so fun! A few weeks ago I ran a 5k to help a friend who can't have children. It was called "Footsteps for Fertility." One lucky couple won a drawing for a free IVF treatment. A speaker there who had had fertility issues said that it was important for all of the couples to come to a point where they realized that their spouse was enough. That no matter what happened, they had their spouse and that was enough. I was a little sad because I had neither but then I thought, no, those of us in my situation need to realize that "I" am enough. I have me and I am matter what happens. We all would much rather have someone and my friend would like a baby (well, me too) but life is better when we accept our circumstances and love ourselves no matter what. Read more about how to do that by clicking on the link above or on the sidebar to your left.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Left Behind...

I went on 5 dates last week. It was exhausting! This week I’ve slowed down and while it’s been nice, I’m also feeling pretty lonely and left behind. Mr. Manly the pilot who could never commit is engaged; the second pilot who just decided to drop me like a jr. high school girl without a word or cause is who knows where but probably dating someone else by now; Mr. Active who recently told me that I dated him at the wrong time because he was having a hard time opening himself up to anyone else, is now dating someone; the guy that didn’t want to date but was really excited to meet me is back with his ex. Everyone else just wants to take advantage of me and try to compromise my morals. I’m done. 

Okay, I’m obviously not really done because I just KEEP putting myself through this. But I have known for a little while that it was time to slow down a little. This week, I haven’t been on a single date…yet. So, let’s look back to the last couple of weeks and tell you about some of the men I met. There were some good ones in there, don’t be fooled by my current cynicism. I went to the fair with a really witty (I say sarcastic, he says witty) guy that I had a good time with. He is extremely nice and very good. He was really funny and his two friends that came along as well were also quite delightful. 

We rode the big yellow slide (at my request) 5 times! They grew to love it (almost) as much as me!! The highlight of the date for him was the ferris wheel. Why? Well, I am terribly afraid of those things! He was quite the gentleman and put his protective arm around me and held my hand with his other arm. I wasn’t worried a single bit about his hands wandering where they shouldn’t…because he is a good guy, and is not like that. The rest of the date consisted of sharing funnel cake and cotton candy, and wandering around looking at stinky animals and sometimes interesting art. We even witnessed a rather loud fart as we walked past an older man minding his own business in the gallery. We just looked at each other and giggled a little. 

At the end of the date he and his friends dropped me off where I had left my car. He hugged me and we said goodbye. I got in my car and then looked over to see his friends both looking at me with cheesy grins and waving. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and feel grateful for a fun night! 

As for my other dates well, I finally had a second date with Mr. Patient. We had lunch last Friday at La Puente. It was good…another pleasant meeting. I like him. I think he is a good guy, and I don’t have any objections to him other than just the fact that I’m not super excited about him. I am not sure what it is. We get a long and I would be totally willing to go out with him again, I’m just not feeling anything for him yet.
Saturday night and Thursday night I had dinner with two more super nice guys. Thursday’s seemed like he was about to fall asleep the whole time and though I liked him better than I thought I would, I just wasn’t feeling it…at all. I let him know this week when he asked if I’d be interested in hanging out again. Saturday night took me to Benihana’s. Yum!! I felt a little bad at the huge expense but I had a good time and once again, was pleasantly surprised at what I found in person. I’m telling ya…don’t judge a book by its picture. People can be so different in person. He has always been super nice and I can tell that he is a good person but I wondered if we would click at all in person. Things went just fine though and I hope to see him again sometime to see if anything is really there. Meanwhile, I’m hiking with the guy from the fair this Saturday and some of his friends. We’ll see how it goes. 

As for the surprise meet up I promised you…it didn’t happen. The guy that I referred to awhile back as the perfect date or a date from the movies that lives in a different state was going to be in town…but it ended up not happening. It just wasn’t meant to be. Oh well… Moving on. I’m talking to some other nice guys but really just feeling things slowing down as I re-evaluate life for a little while.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Mr. Patient #40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe the day has finally arrived??! I wish there was a big flashy blinking sign to announce the title to this post. Maybe by the time it really counts when I have even bigger news I will learn how to accomplish that. For now however, I made it through 40 men! It took about 2 ½ years but I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of dating. I now date several times a week, which is what I was hoping to do in the beginning. Now however, I’m hoping to cut back a little. It’s great to be in practice but some things don’t really need practice anymore. I’ve met some really nice guys. I’ve met some real jerks. I’ve seen a little crazy, and sometimes not all the way there. And I’m sure at the same time, I’ve been just about all of those to the men I have met. It’s the dating game. 

While I was really hoping to meet Mr. Right in 40 guys, it just didn’t happen. I am well beyond 40 and still not seeing him in the foreseeable future. Guess what though? I’m still living and loving life!! Geez, I just spent a month in Europe!! How cool is it that I had the opportunity to do that? I felt very blessed and look forward to the many more opportunities that I will create in my life whether single, married, with child, or without. I am a beautiful, accomplished person and exactly who God wants me to be! Well, I could probably do a little better on the last one but I know that my marital status is not hopeless and left to chance. Things will still work out in their own time. Oh…and guess what! I just had a birthday so I am now the 33 year single female living it up in Utah! Life is good. 

Well, let me tell you about number 40, and 41-43. Remember when I said that sometimes you are surprised in a good way when you meet people in person? I always try to leave a little bit to chance when it comes to that. For example, Mr. Patient #40 was nowhere near the top of my list of men I wanted to meet from online. I wasn’t really attracted to him but I thought that he might have potential. Also, he was nice so I continued to humor him from time to time online. We’ve written back and forth for quite some time…not sure how long. Finally, we decided to meet up last week. He chose a restaurant for dinner and I agreed to meet him there at the appointed time.

This date took place fairly soon after my arrival back to the States and I was still catching up with people. This happened to be the case the night of my date with Mr. Patient and I ended up being a little late to the date…like 30 mins late! Yikes!! How rude of me! I felt SO bad because I am not usually a late person! If I were him I would have been so annoyed!! I let him know as I was coming though and he was very patient and kind. When I pulled up to the restaurant I was not amused however! It was in a super sketchy neighborhood and I wondered where they heck he was taking me! The place: Pat’s BBQ. I walked inside and found him patiently waiting. He had already decided what to order and I just took his suggestion so as not to waste time on the menu. 

When I first arrived I noticed that I was pleasantly surprised at Mr. Patient and gave myself a little pat on the back for giving the man a shot in person. This was definitely one of those cases…he wasn’t so bad after all. We sat out back on a picnic table which was uncomfortable but the atmosphere was actually kind of fun…once you got inside the restaurant. He chose the place because he had been there once before at the recommendation of Guy Fieri on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. I thought it was very cool that he brought me there! How fun that it had been on t.v. and recommended. It was pretty dang good too! So, if you decide to go, don’t be fooled by the neighborhood…give it a shot cause as we all know, looks can be deceiving sometimes.

I really enjoyed my time with Mr. Patient. He was nice, and pleasant to be with. It also turned out that we had something in common. We both served a mission for our church in Toronto, Ontario Canada. It was the same exact mission in fact, and we served in several of the same areas! That was a fun area of conversation. The evening turned out well and when we finished he gave me a hug and sent  me on my way.
The next day I still felt really bad for leaving some one waiting for me, especially a super nice, good guy! So, I texted him and apologized again and wished him a great day! He was very accepting and nice and said that we should get together again. I agreed but his schedule with work is pretty crazy over the next couple of weeks so I’m not sure when or if that is actually going to happen. Still, after my next few dates, it helps to think back on Mr. Patient with hope for the future and hope in men which I am quickly losing!

The next few dates aren’t really worth mentioning. We didn’t do much. I traveled to a small town for one and the guy was nice but it’s not going anywhere. I feel once again that most guys just want to make out. I thought that when I got online, do you remember? I was discouraged even then. Now, somehow I have found myself in that trap and I just don’t want to be in it anymore. I like kissing boys but it doesn’t really mean much if you don’t care about them. Also, that’s not the girl I want to be or the kind of man I want to marry so I have decided to be a lot more picky again and sort out the losers before meeting them! I had a text conversation with a guy today about it actually. I let him know up front that I am not interested in that at all. He said he was glad I had morals and I smiled because that’s the kind of girl I want to be known as! I’m sick this weekend and had to cancel a couple of dates but I might have a meet up tomorrow night that may surprise you!!

Thanks again for all of your support and awesome comments. I’m just gonna keep on going with this so please feel free to comment and follow me whether I know you or not! I love knowing that people are reading and I feel so supported by you! It helps keep me going!!