People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I Thought He'd Never Ask!

Remember Mr. Manly Pilot #19? Yeah, me too. Remember how last time I posted about him I had pretty much given all hope of ever seeing him again? Yes, that was the case. Then, a couple of days later I FINALLY heard from him again. Still, I was somewhat skeptical since it had been awhile. He apologized and told me that his grandma had fallen and broken part of her pelvis and part of her femur. Ouch! Between that and being gone for work he apparently hadn’t gotten back to me. He does live close to his grandma and his parents are currently on a mission in a far away country so he was the only family nearby to take care of her. That’s fine. I get that. Still, I felt somewhat shafted.

The same day that he decided to make an appearance in my life again, he also added me on Facebook and wrote me a good update about his life. Since then, I have heard from him in some form or another almost every day. We’ve chatted on Facebook several times for awhile and he’s written emails and commented on my wall, etc. He seems to be making a slight bit more effort. I also must added that the weekend he wrote again, he also told me that we should go get that dinner we talked about soon. He said that his schedule was crazy but if I would bear with him we could figure out a time. I agreed and have been waiting ever since. The other night we finally decided that next week would be best for both of us. So, I think we will go to dinner and then we are going to watch a movie at his house. I’m excited to see where he lives and mostly to see his face again. 

The phone does not seem to be his forte. However, he has actually texted me two nights in a row…amazing! One of those even contained a small text conversation! Seriously, that is big for him. I’ve told him before that it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if he called but he hasn’t. I don’t know why. It makes me wonder though. At the same time he NEVER puts that he is online on the old FB but a couple of times I have messaged him while he was on and he went online so that we could chat. The last couple of nights were because we were texting first and it was easier to chat on there. Anyway, the point is that I’m trying to be pretty cautious because I don’t know what to think about all of this. Many signs point to him just not being that interested right? I sometimes feel like I am on his “B” list and I want to be on the “A” list. At the same time things have been pretty good lately. Sooo, I’m just trying to keep my options open while trying to figure him out at the same time. I hope next week goes well…

Since I’m keeping all doors open for the time being, there is another guy. We will call him the Yoga Man. Weird I know but there is a reason for all of my craziness. I met him online also. He contacted me first and we have slowly begun to chat. He seems really fun! In fact, there is a picture of him standing on one foot on one of those big red balls outside of Target. The caption reads something about his love of yoga. I commented that I thought it was a real yoga ball at first and that I was impressed. I also shared the good times my family and I have had competing against each other so see who could sit cross-legged on the ball for the longest time. He replied that we should have a yoga ball battle some time, or at least get some hot chocolate. I agreed. And I almost asked him if he had two balls. My bad. Thankfully I caught myself first.

Mr. Yoga Man then did not write or call me for a week! Finally, on Friday night he texted me and said he had been deathly ill all week! We had a good text conversation, he told me we should go snow boarding because he is a big fan and I’ve only been once, and that was that. It’s been a few days and again, I haven’t really heard from him. I’m sure he will make good on at least one of his offers soon though. 

Meanwhile, another guy from Nebraska just started writing me on the old internet dating site. He seems nice. Doesn’t really seem much like my type but I figured that he was in Nebraska so it would be okay to talk to him. He just asked if he could call me. I don’t really know how to reply. I guess I can give it a shot?? Why not right? The other guys are taking for granted my awesomeness and I kind of need someone who wants to be with me! And maybe they do, who knows. They’re guys and I still don’t understand their time frame of their way of thinking! That’s my big man update though! I’m going to a sweet party up North this weekend where there will be skiing, hotsprings, snow mobiling, games, movies, tons of people, horse-drawn sleigh rides, and much, much more. Can’t wait!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Life and Times of a 30 Something Single Female

It’s a life of adventure I lead and you never know which direction that adventure is headed. These past couple of weeks have held some of the most entertaining moments in my single life, filled with the ups and downs that come from life itself. Energy, vibe, got it goin on…all terms we’ve used to describe the moments in life when you attract in abundance by some unknown force, members of the opposite gender. Lately it feels that in many ways I’ve been sending out this vibe at a high frequency, so much so that I’m attracting an unearthly amount of unwanted attention from the freak side of the male species. Let’s start with last weekend shall we?

It’s taken awhile but I’ve recently realized that I am finally breaking into the single adult crowd and starting to feel more comfortable. I’ve associated with several different groups in my unusually large ward and feel like I am starting to recognize more and more people wherever I go. In fact, I’ve almost become quite comfortable. As a result of my determination to continue the ongoing and new found socialization amongst strangers, I accepted an invite from a friend to a dinner/game night party with a group from the ward. I didn’t know anyone else there but that wasn’t a problem.  Dinner was fine but the real party began back at the house of the girl who was hosting.

Everyone left the restaurant at the same time but somehow my friend and I were among the first to arrive. This provided us with first dibs on the many different seating options. Of course we took the couch, who wouldn’t? Well, certainly the other guy that arrived with us wasn’t about to miss out and I was his lucky seatmate. Let me just say that the night involved a lot of unsolicited, and might I add somewhat awkward, cuddling as Mr. Friendly inched closer and closer to me as the night progressed. By the time we were through he was practically on my lap and we could have fit another person on the couch with us. All the while he kept staring at me. I don’t know if you have ever experienced that but it’s bad enough when someone stares but starting at such close proximity just makes things about 100 times more uncomfortable. 

The group as a whole turned out to be fairly delightful company if somewhat on the odd side. No complaining though, it was nice to get out and meet new people and play games that were somewhat fun for me. I figured I’d be seeing more familiar faces at church on Sunday and that meant more people to say hi to me. I did in fact see a new but familiar face. Yep, it was Mr. Friendly the couch cuddler. We had a short 30 second and very strained conversation that mostly consisted of, “how are you?” “Good, how are you?” “Good, so how’s it going?” and on and on. Figures. 

When Monday rolled around I was feeling good about life and how things were turning out for the moment. Later on in the day a friend asked if I was going to FHE. I hadn’t planned on it because I learned early on who goes to the activities in this ward and it’s not the people I generally would associate with. Even so, my friend needed a wing man so I offered my services. As soon as I walked in I ran into an old colleague who is male. A friend of mine went out with him once and warned me not to do the same. Still, he was talking to me and there was nothing I could do about it so I stayed and chatted for a few. We were standing between the rows of chairs and in one of those chairs was another man. He interrupted our conversation, called me by name and said that he didn’t know me as well as the guy I was talking to but that if I didn’t have anywhere else to sit, I should sit in the chair next to him. Ummm, I had no good excuses…well, except that my friend was there and I was actually headed to sit by her. Still, I couldn’t think straight because I was trying to figure out if I did indeed actually know this man, so I just sat down. I continued to talk to the colleague but this new guy kept interrupting our convo so he finally left. The new guy was quite friendly but very poorly dressed and had a strong smell that I’m not sure how to describe. I’m positive we had never met before.

Finally the activity was ready to begin. We were watching old school LDS films such as “The Phone Call,” and “Johnny Lingo.” Thankfully I was in the center of the room and the guy in charge told me that I might want to move because my head would be in the picture. Done! I told the new guy that I was going to go sit by my friend but for some reason, because I am sometimes too nice, I told him he could come with if he wanted. He eagerly obliged. Throughout all of the movies he kept trying to talk to me with dumb comments. At one point he grabbed my arm in some sort of dramatic act for what reason I cannot remember. All I remember is that the placement was not good and he may have touched me inappropriately! Not his fault really, it was dark, but still… 

When the movies ended the new guy called me by name and said, “so, what do girls want?” Since our movies had been about dating and marriage I guess he was inspired. To me the question was awkward so I told him that we all want different things. This is true anyway, isn’t it? That answer did not satisfy him so he said, “what do YOU like?” I was tempted to answer with, “not you” but I refrained. Instead I changed the subject and said, “Chocolate, Thai food, etc…” It worked and we moved on. He told me where he served his mission and I replied that I had a friend who served there also. He intently asked me if it was a boy or a girl. The way he asked made me feel like I was cheating on the man or something. Of course it was a guy friend. He didn’t want to know who it was, just their gender. Mr. Leech FINALLY found someone else’s blood to suck and turned away from me so I was able to actually visit with the friend I came for. Whew! 

What a weekend! But it didn’t necessarily end there. As we were walking out, who did we run into? My couch buddy. There was another girl there that I like so I said hi to her and another seemingly normal guy. They were with another man however, who apparently needed practice asking girls to dance so they asked me to dance with him. I let him come and ask me and we danced for a minute. Uncomfortable, that’s all. We finally made an escape and I have stayed in my cave ever since, avoiding any further encounters that may end up leading to paths where I do not wish to go. An update on the more normal side of the gender is soon to come!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Just Me and the Guys

I’ve had so many thought about this post all week. Now that I am here actually sitting down to write it, I have no idea what I was going to say! Last Saturday night however, I hung out with four guys…just me and them. I love moments like that. I don’t know why, but it just boosts my self esteem somehow, even though I’m just one of the guys. Maybe it has something to do with all the brothers I have, I don’t know. Anyway though, we went to see “Sherlock Holmes.” The flick was pretty good and of course sitting between a couple of guys never hurt anyone either. It is unfortunate that not a single one of them is a potential for me. It is times like this however, that I feel like I can get a small glimpse into the secret man world and take a lot of mental notes for future use. I like man friends. 

As for the rest of the manly world, it’s been a tough week. I feel like my life’s lesson is to learn how to face defeat…repeatedly! Monday was the worst but things have been picking up ever since. Here’s how it went down. First of all, I knew things have been on the downhill slide with Mr. Manly but I had face reality and come to that awful realization that, “he’s just not that into me.” Bleh…story of my life! I am grateful for honest friends who help me recognize that because no matter how hard you try to tell it to yourself, you are almost always blinded when it is yourself you are evaluating. I’ve tried to step back so many times and ask myself what I would tell a friend in my situation. Anyway, the point is, he is just not making an effort and now it’s been over a week since I’ve heard from him with no sign of him communicating any time in the near future.
Now, it’s not that I knew him super well, though we did communicate quite a bit to one another, it’s just that facing rejection in general is hard. Facing the prospect of starting all over once again…also painful. It’s hard to hold onto hope in this type of situation when it seems that all you do is push guys away. Anyway though, moving on with the story. 

After my awakening a good friend texted me and invited me over to her mom’s house to play games. She happens to be Mr. (not so) Keeper’s sister. He showed up shortly after myself. Thankfully his tiny, blonde, barely 21 year old girlfriend decided not to come. Still, it was a painful day to see him, when faced with yet another rejection…feeling like I would never be good enough for anyone! Still, the night turned out to be quite fun. I even laughed! It felt good to laugh! Then I came home. Just as I was getting ready for bed, I got a text. It was from hottie home teacher who I have had a secret crush on for months! I was excited…for like two seconds. It was a text announcing to the world his engagement. Awesome! I knew nothing would ever happen there but hey, it was still nice to dream once in awhile. I didn’t even know he was dating anyone. To me, it just seemed like yet another failure. 

Despite Monday’s awfulness, I have picked myself back up and am hoping for good things now and in the future. There are still many possibilities out there…even though at times it seems there are none! I’m keeping an open mind about it. I’m also enjoying time to improve myself and continue to do things that I can control and that help me to feel empowered. This is important for me when I feel so helpless at the one thing I want more than any other. I’m excited about life and the future and just living right now! I feel loved and appreciated by many amazing friends, family, and colleagues. I have a lot to give and I am excited to share with anyone in need of my offerings. Life is good and it’s going to be an amazing year!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Happy New Year!

Two years down on this project and half way to my goal! The most important thing I guess is that I am making progress. I’m not sure how much progress I am making on my other goals but hey, it’s a new year and a great time to re-evaluate. Actually, while I have remained active, I’m pretty sure I have gained some of those pounds back so it’s time to refocus there more than ever. In fact, another friend and I are starting a “Biggest Loser” competition with any friends, family, or anyone else who is interested! We are going to do a small pool of 15 bucks each and hope for a lot of participants! If you are interested, leave a comment with your email address and I will email you the details! It’s time to get back in shape…or less of a shape…for spring time. Seriously, it is right around the corner and you know what that means…time to start taking your clothes off! If we start now, we will be looking mighty fab by April right?

As for 2012 so far it is miles ahead of 2011 in greatness! I brought in the year so much better than the last! Two other friends and I headed down to warm, sunny, Southern Utah to celebrate and get out of here! We met up with another group who was there to party it up as well. A friend that invited me and actually knew the people didn’t end up going so we didn’t know anyone when we got there. We became fast friends however and enjoyed our time together with smiles and love. There were several good people that came in and out of the group. We hiked all day with about eight of us. By Saturday night, there were ten…five girls and five boys…all right around my age!

Saturday night we went out for Thai food…my fav! We made a rule that we had to sit boy girl. Then back at the house we played games and watched movies (aka fell asleep on the couch!).  At midnight we whipped out the Martinelli’s and had a toast. We talked about our greatest accomplishments for 2011 and the fact that we probably all had the same wish for 2012. I really hope it’s my year! I feel slightly hopeless about it at the moment but I’m trying to hang onto some bit of hope that it could possible happen! Anyway, I had a great trip, made new friends, and enjoyed the much needed sunshine!

 I’ve heard from Mr. Manly #19 a little bit but not quite as frequently so I fear that he is not really interested. I know he’s been working a ton but I also don’t want to make excuses for him. I just want someone to think I’m worth some effort. Bleh… Kinda sad about it because he seemed like a great guy. We seemed to have a lot in common as well. It’s so hard to start back at square one and to feel rejected even if it’s by someone you hardly know. Any rejection sort of brings back all the others, chiseling away at a constantly widened crevice in your soul. Here’s hoping for a good fresh start and success for all of us this new year!