People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Advice…Full Circle

Remember back when I started this adventure and I was getting myself out there in as many ways possible? Those were fun times! I’m trying to do that now and having all kinds of amazing experiences! One thing that continually fills my soul as well as gets me out there is institute class. Remember the teacher that I loved back when I started? Well I am lucky enough that she now teaches an institute class just for my ward alone. We get her all to ourselves. This has been one of the greatest blessings of my year.

Last night was the beginning of a new class with her which was exceptional as to be expected. There is one friendly guy in the class who I know from church as well. He likes to lead the music. He is also much older than me (or so he looks) but is mentally challenged in some way. Last night he asked me for a ride home after class so I readily agreed.

On the way to his house we talked. When class last ended in June he was dating another special girl in the class. I didn’t see her last night so I determined that I would ask him about her on the way home so that we would have something to talk about. He first told me about his seminary experience having attended a local special education school. It sounded great. J I then got to the topic of this girl and whether or not the were still dating. Immediately he let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Ya know, she is a nice girl but….”

Here I digress for a minute to point out that in my days of dating as many guys as possible to meet the marriage challenge, I read many relationship books, I attended talks and workshops on the subject, and observed as much as possible in order to learn how best create a lasting relationship. I found most advice to be congruent with the others and decided as a result that it was sound indeed. One thing that stood out was that men need their space. If you give them their space they will appreciate you so much more. Now I know from experience that it is much easier to read relationship advice than to follow it. Still, I have noticed my own shortcomings in this area and seen the demise of certain relationships when I become too attached, too present, too needy.

Now, back to my special friends.  He continued that while this girl was nice, she called him 7 or 8 times a day, she filled his voice mail box so that no one else could leave messages, she constantly pressured him about their plans for hanging out, she said, “I love you” at least 5 times before hanging up the phone, she texted non-stop all day long. The girl was definitely in the too present, too needy, too attached category and it was driving this poor guy crazy! He just wants his space. He wants to live his life and come to her when he comes to her, return her calls and texts when it is convenient and not continually be harassed when it isn’t.

As I listened to his complaints I tried to sympathize with him but I was kind of laughing a little on the inside as I thought about all of the sound advice given by the experts. Turns out that they know what they are talking about. And it seems to be advice for just about anyone, no matter your circumstances in life.  I was grateful for the reaffirmation of this principal and as I continue to search and hopefully someday find that guy that I will end up with forever, I am going to remember this conversation and all mistakes of the past. In this journey I think that more than anything, I have certainly learned how to be me and enjoy it! Life is meant to be enjoyed, even when you are in a relationship! 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Still a Work in Progress

Does it seem like every time you check in with me my goals are about the same? Yeah, I constantly have some of these bigger issues on my mind. I’ve actually made progress on some of them though and wanted to share that with you and give you some ideas that have helped me along the way!

 First of all, I have lately become obsessed with money! That doesn’t mean I have a ton of it; it just means that I am putting a lot of my energy into getting some so that I can get out of debt! Since making this goal I have paid off my undergrad and a mortgage settlement on a house I used to own, as well as a few small credit cards. Besides that, I have a small emergency fund saved up in the bank and am saving a little on top of that for moving in the next few months. I’ve tried to find a good balance of making as much extra money as I can to throw at debt and save up, and having fun with life as well! Now I just have a car loan and master’s degree to pay off! Feels pretty good!

 One huge motivator for me is Dave Ramsey. I have started his book, “Total Money Makeover,” and listen to his radio show as often as I can. The cool thing is that you can stream his show from his website any time of the day and it just repeats all day so you can listen any time you want! He also sometimes gives away money on his site so it’s a great place to hang out! Not that I have ever won…but the hopes of winning are great!

 There is another guy that I like to listen to (I have really taken up talk radio over the last year or so) on Saturdays if I’m out driving. He is a local Utah guy but can be heard all over the country I believe. His name is Doug Andrew. He does several workshops and retreats around the country as well as some online classes. I actually participated in an online webinar with him recently. Great info about planning for retirement! Seriously…mind blowing. While he talks about that he also focuses on living an abundant and well rounded life. I am feeling the pressure of planning for my future now as a single woman. I’m not saying that’s what I want but I realize that I need to be prepared for whatever comes my way and I can’t wait any longer to make a better plan for such things! He has given me great direction for this.

 Okay, one more guy I want to tell you about. He is not necessarily a money guy but he is more of a positive thinking coach. Kirk Duncan is his name. His wife also works closely with him. I went to a free class of his recently and quite enjoyed it! I am attending two other free bonus classes toward the end of the month so I will include the links here to those here if you would like to join me. If the link doesn't work, just check out their Facebook page: 3 Key Elements. The Friday night class would be great for anyone! He talks about getting your kids to do chores so if you are a parent, you may want to think about attending! Being a teacher I think it will be great as well. I think the main focus is also on running a business and making the most you can from it so it should be good. I love taking advantage of these learning opportunities! There is a lot of knowledge out there to be shared with us! And that knowledge brings health, wealth, and happiness!