People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Friday, April 30, 2010

A New Woman

As is usually the case when I overcome my fears, I have yet again survived. I’m a new woman. I’ve entered a new phase of my life! First of all, country dancing is ridiculously fun! To be tossed around like a rag instead of the whale you feel like you are, and spun until you are so dizzy you aren’t sure who you are dancing with, compares to none else!

I must admit that I was dreading going out tonight. Sometimes I feel so old when the thought of leaving to go out at 9:00 leaves me exhausted before I even get out the door. I sucked it up however and stepped out into the snowy night to pick up my new friend. She is young and full of energy and does this often. It’s good to be around people like that because if nothing else, you at least fake that you are like them! Fake it till you make it right?

The drive down town went just fine and I had a good time getting to know said friend a little better. Upon our arrival, the anxiety hit me like deer innocently standing in the road; alive one moment, and dead the next. Imagine my surprise however at seeing a familiar almost immediately. Remember the guy I just told you about last week that looked me up and down and told me how good I was looking? Yeah, the strange guy from my mission. He was there. He is everywhere. Stalker?? Doubtful, but you can never be too careful about such things. Anyway, we said hello and chatted for a few before I excused myself to rejoin my friend.

Almost as soon as I did rejoin her, she introduced me to one of her guy friends who took pity on me and taught me some basic moves. Wow, it was worse than I thought. I am seriously not a good dancer. Besides, this type of dance really requires a lot of trust…something I think that I lack a little bit. Anyway, as time went on, I like to think that I relaxed a bit. He assured me that I was better than lots of people and we went our separate ways. I tried really hard to suck up the complete mortification that I felt and move on.

Not much later, another friend of my friend also took pity on me. He took me to a quiet room though and worked with me for quite some time. He was pretty good and helped me to really perfect my technique and gave me some most helpful pointers. In fact, awhile after I returned to the dance floor, the first guy grabbed me and took me back out onto the floor. Such a nice kid! I felt about 100 times better than the first dance as I loosened up and just had fun! I let loose and flew around that dance floor only stepping on his foot once and maybe possibly biting his armpit?? (I told you I wasn’t a dancer!) Good times…I was finally starting to get somewhere though.

Let’s not leave out however, that between my instruction and my successful dance, my old mission buddy grabbed me for a slow dance. We just danced like most people do on a slow dance but it was rather awkward for me to be so close to him and dancing, strangely. The best part was when I was done my friend said that she had danced with him earlier and she was sorry I had to because it was pretty bad. She didn’t realize it was the weird guy from my mission that I had told her about in the beginning. It was pretty funny. In his defense though, he really is a good guy and quite nice…just different and definitely not for me so don’t start getting any ideas okay!

Anyway, just as I was gaining a little confidence, this other guy grabbed me onto the floor and before I could explain my lack of ability, he just started throwing me around like crazy! Finally, when I stumbled, I explained that it was my first time. He said, “that’s okay, I’m a teacher.” Great! Some teacher though, he just kept throwing me around faster than lightning. As it turns out, I had no idea what I was doing and any previously gained confidence was flushed down the toilet in one quick power flush! Ah, oh well. You have to start somewhere right?

The only other guy that I danced with that night was this crazy, weird, little Mexican man. He was actually pretty creepy and just kept wanting to dance with me. I guess he wanted to be my hero and teach me how it was done. It may have been slightly better if his hands weren’t so sweaty. Gross! We danced two dances in a row and he wanted another but I told him maybe later. As it turned out, he wasn’t as good as he thought and may have even led me into another couple who kicked me in the head. Nice. Thankfully when later came I was on my way out the door with my friend. I told him maybe next time.

So, overall, I survived. And, to my chiropractor brothers, who needs you? I just got quite the lumbar adjustment from several dips tonight. Well, there was definitely a lot of cracking happening in my back anyway. Even as I sit here, I feel the soreness of just those few dances gathering in my body like maggots on a rotting corpse. I keep telling myself I’m too old for this! I guess it’s good to stay young. I’m pretty sure staying single keeps you young longer. Some days I would just like to surrender though. No worries, not yet!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Get Busy!

A few days ago, as I was working out at the gym and flipping channels on my t.v, I happened upon the Rachel Ray show, just as they were announcing their guest of the day. This particular guest and story caught my attention immediately and I knew that my channel surfing was at an end. Have you ever heard of the millionaire matchmaker? Personally I have never watched the show but from the clips played on the Rachel Ray show, she seemed a little harsh. Either way she was the guest of the day and ready to give advice to three young, na├»ve, teenage girls who were having relationship concerns. As it turns out however, their concerns were timeless; concerns that most women, not matter where they are have. Therefore, the advice given them was also timeless advice that would do any woman well to follow. It certainly wasn’t new, but it was true.

Each girl had a different concern but what they each boiled down to was that guys were non-committal in their relationships and hard to read. The girls wanted to feel like they were important to the boys…important enough to be called their girlfriend, or receive attention, even when he is around his friends. Valid concerns of course. The matchmaker advised each of them to get busy. Every expert I’ve read says the same thing. She stressed the importance of getting busy making something of their lives and if the guys were interested, they would pursue.

I myself, continue to remain busy…too busy sometimes…but it feels good. This insight is important for me to constantly be reminded of, that I am building who I am, and learning to be happy with that, and a guy will eventually come in to the picture and also appreciate who I am. Plus, why not enjoy life every possible minute? Time flies, more and more the older we get, so there is no time to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

As you know, one of the ways I get out and get involved is through the choir I am currently participating in. Each Sunday night practice proves to be more and more rewarding yet more and more frustrating. It’s rewarding in that new guys seem to be showing up each week. This last week in fact, there were two new possible possibilities. I’m trying to keep an open mind here…a real open mind! Both were pretty attractive fellows, though one was a little short. I’m not exactly tall, but I’m not short either so a middle sized man would be great for me! It’s frustrating because no progress ever seems to be made. There are not car windows to lick (refer to previous post comment by Emilie) so I yet remain unapproachable.

Anyway, I had the best view of one tenor near me who was much better looking when he wasn’t singing…but then who isn’t? My interest in him was high at the beginning of the rehearsal but dwindled to hangin on by a bare thread by the end. There is still hope though, no worries. It wasn’t necessarily the alarming length of his mouth as he opened it wide to sing...

...or the few times (yes, there were more than one) that he was caught singing a solo because he thought we were starting but really weren’t; it wasn’t his lack of what I thought to be appropriate dress, or his random weird comments, I just think that by the end of the night, after so many small incriminating deeds, the battle was slowly dying for me. After being pushed out by my bench partners quickly after the closing prayer, I had no time to visit with anyone anyway. Still no luck with the Bass who has a sister either…maybe it’s just not meant to be…except for at a certain stop light where we met once again.

I’m going out tonight. I’m going out with some girls I haven’t been out with before. It’s good to switch it up and switch up the scene a bit. I’d forgotten this. At the same time, I must admit that I am terrified. We are going dancing. I have a fear of dancing. Seriously, I feel physically ill at dances. I think it’s the way everyone is sizing each other up, and the fact that I can’t dance of course. I’ve decided to try something different and keep these fears a secret from this group of girls and see if I can pull off a fake confidence that will get me through the night and hopefully to a new set of potentials. So, while I feel like a little girl with absolutely no self confidence within me, I will try to remember the woman that I am and hope for the best!

Sunday, April 25, 2010


Sometimes life just gets in the way. This week, this month, life has certainly been a little bit in my way. I can’t complain really, despite my abundance of stress this week. See, I own house in Southern Utah. It’s been empty for a year and a half. I’m not in it because I decided that I’m not ready to be a small town girl just yet, despite its many positive aspects. If you thought my dating game was a little on the non-existent side right now, you should have seen me there. Being the only young single adult in town made for an interesting dating life. I dated myself. I am grateful for the time I had to get to know myself better. Actually, it gave me a chance to really learn a lot about me in a way that I needed in order to make me more successful at relationships in the future.

Anyway, my point is…I finally got renters! This my friends is a day I have dreamed of for years now…the day when the complete sum of my monthly mortgage does not solely rest on my shoulders as I receive nothing in return but an unforeseen end to a life in my parent’s basement. It’s great to be 30 and living with the parents! Okay, it has its advantages but is seriously embarrassing at times. Anyway, this week I had to run down south and take care of a few things in my house before these heaven sent (hopefully) renters took over my palace.

My reason for this long, but hopefully entertaining, explanation is that I have been so occupied with the preparation of my home that I haven’t been blogging this week, or even really considering it. That’s not exactly true; I think about it daily and wonder what to write. Today in fact, I just want to further explain my recent dilemma. I don’t think that this was fully explained previously but as Heidi and I were talking this week, some valid concerns were brought to the surface so I thought… let’s share them with the world…on the internet!

Every single expert on the subject of dating and relationships has strongly advised that men are the ones to do the pursuing. That means that they should be approaching me and asking me out, not the other way around. While this was my policy prior to beginning an experiment to date 40 men in a year, I am now feeling stunted once again in my dating endeavors. I’m not sure if I thought that starting a blog would suddenly make me more desirable to the male population, but I guess I hoped! Haha! So, the question that Heidi and I have is ‘Why am I not approachable?’ ‘What do other girls have, that are approached, that I don’t?’ Well, I’m working on this one. I’m learning some stuff and just going to try some different things. I will let you know what works. Meanwhile, I am dateless! I’m trying to stay positive though, and realize that I have just been extremely busy lately. I will get back on track soon and have some fun dating adventures to share yet! I’m hoping for better luck tonight at choir!

PS…Where are you? Are you still with me?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Where is # 8?

Here’s what we’ve got to work with these days:

Choir Boy-He is a bass, very manly. Problem number one, he comes with a girl. Problem number two, he sits so far away from me that he is hard to snag to talk to afterwards in the throngs of people. What happened this last Sunday in fact, was that he and his sister showed up quite late. When I saw that they weren’t there and it was about to start, I just went ahead and took my seat near the front of the room. I know, total over-achiever. Oh well. I was disappointed some time later to see them come in and she to take a seat in the back of my section. There was no friendly bonding even possible. He and I however, did exchange several glances across the room. I gave him a little smile. Hmm, I really hope that it was me he was looking at and not some other girl near me.

After the rehearsal ended, the masses of people began to gather and file out. It seemed that people were more willing to linger and mingle a little more this week though. Unfortunately, my only mingle was with the guy from my ward. He sat near me and asked me questions about the music. Afterward he said goodbye to me quite loudly through a crowd of people. Well, I guess the Tenor’s now know my name. As for my bass friend, well, a Soprano snatched him up before I could even hope to get to that side of the room. He talked to her with her long flowing hair, while his sister waited in the back of the chapel. I left.

As a funny side note…while walking out of the building, I ran into an elder from my mission. I saw him a few months back for the first time in years. He was always a real strange one, that’s for sure. I honestly do not know how to describe this guy to you, other than pretty different. Anyway, we said hi and he looked me up and down and said, “well you’re looking good.” Hahaha, it was so funny…especially coming from him. Mostly coming from him. It was the way he said it and everything. I then said goodbye and went on my way, hopes dashed until next week.

The Lurker-This man comes from work. I teach at one particular school where he also works. I’m not sure exactly what he does because he is usually lurking around my classroom…which is actually the cafeteria. Sometimes he comes in to blow up his balls….basketballs, footballs, etc. The machine is pretty noisy but I let him use it anyway. I haven’t had the chance to peek at that left hand yet to see if he’s married but if he is, he’s awfully friendly. I don’t know if there is any potential here or not but he is fairly attractive and certainly seems interested. What do you do in this kind of situation though? I don’t know.

Other-Well, there really aren’t any other possibilities, other than the hopes that maybe someone will set me up. Grandma is still looking for me so I’m pretty sure I’ll have a date soon! Otherwise, I’m just hoping for some kind of miracle. If you know me, it would be super fabulous if you’d stay on the look-out for me. Thanks friends! Here’s hoping for some sweet, miraculous, male-encounters at the institute tonight!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Perusing in Salt Lake City

Location: Private house party of several fellow single ladies in Sugar House.

Company: Mixed…eventually

Though not always successful, I still put myself in situations where meeting my next date could be a possibility. That is why this weekend I went to a game night party at a friend’s house. We will call this particular friend by the alias name of, ‘Faith Hill.’ Now, she’s not actually THE Faith Hill but is just as gorgeous and her singing skills are certainly of a fairly comparable nature. In fact, I hope to see her perform someday…maybe she can get a gig singing our country’s National Anthem sometime…and then I can say to you, “look, there is my friend Faith Hill, who normally goes by a completely different name altogether, but there she is!” Anyway, enough about the whole alias thing, she was gracious enough to host a party last night for several young single partiers to mingle and laugh and make merriment.

After a day of craziness and running around, I finally took a moment to get ready for a night of fun. After keeping my friend Heidi (who is not actually a Heidi but will be known by the alias name of Heidi for anonymity purpose in my blog…also not to be confused with the Heidi who actually is my friend and follows the blog….this one is more like, ‘Heidi Ho neighbor,’ ya know?) waiting for quite some time, we finally left our homes, stopped at the market for some treats, and headed Eastward toward the location of the soon to be hopping night life awaiting us at the home of our good friend Faith Hill.

Upon our late arrival, it was clear that we were not the only ones who decided to show up a little late to the party. In fact, we just added to the homogenous gender pool that was beginning to gather. That’s okay though, it gave us time to catch up with Faith and get settled before the real excitement began. When it did begin, fun times were had by all. Seriously, I just want you to sit back and think for a moment. Think about when was the last time you played the game, “Clue.” I know…it’s been forever right? Well, after one of our male friends finally showed up, a few of us decided to solve our own murder mystery and whipped out the novel game of clue, with its missing and substitute pieces and all. It was pretty fun, despite Faith and our other male friend (my #7) teaming up and totally cheating to win. Just kidding, I think they just won by luck.

Well, it was hard to really beat the excitement of ‘Clue’ but we definitely still had an enjoyable time with other games as well. In fact, we played ‘Apples to Apples,’ a real classic. I really do love this game, especially when I win…which I did. As we played, several late arrivals showed up, constantly increasing the number of players. That’s okay though, I fooled them all. At one point, I chose the card of a guy that I didn’t even realize was there, until I chose his card. I quickly decided (after hurriedly scanning the room) that he was the best looking unknown male there. He seemed nice enough. After more mingling, watching others play twister, and eating some treats, we decided to bring out the karaoke to really finish out the evening with a bang.

During Karaoke, I was able to further observe this mysterious male party-goer. He was willing to participate, seemed friendly enough, but not necessarily my type. Actually, I’m really not sure how old he was, he seemed pretty young. While we certainly brought down the house with an ‘All American Rejects” duet, I wouldn’t say that there was really anything there. Unfortunately this realization left me out of luck for the night as, really, he was the only option.

Despite the lack of desirable male company, I still had a really enjoyable night. Thanks Faith Hill! As Heidi and I discussed, being out there meeting new people is part of the networking that has to occur to eventually get us to the right one. Besides, it was just fun to hang out with other people in the same boat as me and have a good time. I like people…sometimes.

Speaking of people, it’s Sunday. You know what that means right? Tonight…choir practice. I’m a little nervous about my plan to hang with the sister but it can’t be that bad right? Wish me luck…I’ll let you know how it goes later!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Let's Make a Deal

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted any progress on my goals. Don’t think that this has been an accident. I told you, I’ve been a slacker all year. How to be more accountable though? You guys never say bad things about me not accomplishing any of them so I just continue my slacker ways. Anyway, my greatest goal, aside from dating lots and lots of men, is to lose this weight already! We know this. I have mentioned it often. As you also know however, I have recently recommitted to this task. In fact, I have totally lost a whole 5 pounds since becoming an avid blogger. Nonetheless, I decided I need baby steps along the way. So, with summer coming…I have a specific goal weight which is about 16-17 pounds less than last time I weighed myself (this morning).

The question is…when do we define summer? Well, I decided to call it June. What happens then? Nothing special, just school’s out…it’s getting hot and well, it seems like summer...the time for the clothes to come off and swimsuits on! I definitely need some new summer clothes though; some that don't involve hoodies, sadly. So…if I reach my weight, then I get to buy new clothes. Awesome huh. If not, well…then I guess I get to buy you a new outfit. Better yet, if I reach my goal, how about you each buy me a new outfit?? Sounds like a plan. Thanks for following me! Haha…okay fine, I will buy my own outfit, but I probably won’t buy you one. I’m not made of money…I’m a teacher!

To be honest, I am not doing anything super special to lose the weight. I’m just doing what has worked in the past, which is basically the plan I have outlined, although not quite as strict. I am also listening to the Gabriel Method Meditation CD every night and it’s totally helping! Also, because I am trying to be healthier, I am trying to learn more about natural foods and herbs. Eating foods that actually have nutritional value really do make you feel better and less hungry. It’s a crazy thing, I know. Anyway, so far so good. Let’s get skinny!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Choir Boys

So, choir. Here’s what went down Sunday night. I went to choir and being the overly punctual person that I am, arrived ridiculously early. I was a little nervous though, and wanted to make sure that I found the correct location and obtained a decent seat…of my choice. I also wanted to make sure there was time to scope out the prey. Hmmm, that of course presents a problem. When you are the only one there, there is no prey to scope…no matter how hard you search the same empty room. Okay, I didn’t actually go in that early. I waited in my car for a few more singers to arrive. Not only am I punctual, but I am prepared…I brought reading material. I like to carry something around with me for any spare free moment of reading pleasure. As soon as the clock turned to ten minutes till starting time, I deemed it acceptable to open my car door and step out into the unknown.

The location of the choir practice was actually not new to me…I just wasn’t sure of the specific room where the upcoming practice would take place. I used my higher level thinking and logic skills and headed to the most obvious choice. I was not disappointed. While still a very early arriver, I wasn’t the first. I was the first in my section however, giving me the golden choice of seat. I chose carefully and planted my rear for an exciting hour and a half to come.

As the single singers began to gather, my anticipation slowly fell. Who are these guys anyway? Don’t any normal men sing? I know they do, so why do they not make it known in public? Not cool I guess. Anyway, the choices were definitely slim. In fact, even without my broken glasses on my face, I soon saw a familiar face across the room…the best looking male face in the room. Unfortunately, he is from my quaint little single’s ward and because I am already quite familiar with him, he is definitely not an option for me.

Well, things on the male side weren’t looking too great but I was still excited to view our musical selection. I love singing…especially when the music is enjoyable. Just as we were about to get started, I took one more glance behind me at the stragglers still approaching a seat. I did notice a male who could be interesting. He was with a girl. It is a choir for singles so they are definitely not married. As to any other possible relationships, I honestly think that she was his sister. I’m not trying to make excuses, I promise! They didn’t appear to be anything else but I have yet to find out…but we will get to that shortly.

First things first. As I finally decided that my scoping was over for now, I took a few moments to look through my packet of music. Fabulous! One of the arrangements is a piece that I was actually thinking about just last week, wishing for another opportunity to sing it. I had the awesome opportunity to perform it last year in a CES fireside. Very exciting. As the rehearsal progressed, I found that all of the music is quite delightful and I am happy to have the chance to sing it…and in the Tabernacle no less. Well, more about that later.

As rehearsal was wrapping up, I was so tired! It was nearly 10:00 p.m. Not that late I realize, but I have just been exhausted lately. Ready for summer vacation I guess. Anyway, I contemplated what to do after the prayer was said and we were dismissed. I did not come up with any good ideas so, I just decided to head home. Apparently that was everyone else’s thought as well. They scrambled out of there in record time.

On my drive home I considered the night’s events. Several blocks later, the car that had been behind me pulled into the left turn lane next to me. I looked over. It was the girl…and her ‘brother.’ Seriously! I looked away quickly. After some time, I felt brave and curious so I took a chance and looked again. This time they were both looking at me. He was driving. Maybe they recognized me. Maybe not. Anyway, I looked away quickly again and their light changed. A plan quickly formed in my tired but not completely dysfunctional brain. This little girl (she was pretty short…no offense to the shorty’s…I love ‘em!) totally sings in my section. Next week, we will become friends. I will conveniently wait to be seated until after her arrival. Then I can find out the real relationship between her and Mr. Family Love. So, Sunday it is. Until then, I am off for another inspiring evening of Institute.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Hide and Go Seek

The dating game is really just a game of hide-and-go-seek. The problem however, is that there is a lot of hiding and a lot of seeking, but not a whole lot of finding. Okay, obviously some lucky seekers have found their prey but it’s rough. This particular game of hide and seek involves an entire world of places to possibly look. Seriously, what if my next man is currently vacationing in Australia? In that case, I hope he picks up the accent because men with an Australian accent are h-o-o-o-t!

Anyway, I’ve been seriously contemplating my next move and lack of finding efforts recently, trying to analyze the problem and develop a more effective strategy. I guess part of the reason I’ve been out of the game lately, is because of being out of town and prior to that, having family in town. As a result, I did play a few mini games of hide and seek with my nieces but didn’t get a whole lot of ‘search for men’ time. If only we played like the nieces do. They hide and you can hear them giggling or see them in the most obvious places. Then you just pretend you don’t know where they are for awhile and try to sneak up on them when they aren’t expecting it ,or wait until they just can’t stand it anymore and reveal themselves to you. Men…here’s a lesson for you…start playing the game like you were a little girl, that would be very helpful to me…thank you very much.

With that, this weekend is shaping up to continue the dry spell. Last night I was just tired and so were my friends. All this visiting, and roaming the country, and working, etc…has left me completely worthless to continue the rain dance. Besides, my dancing skills have always been lacking really. That’s why I don’t go to dances to meet guys. I don’t want to find one that actually likes to dance in public and expect me to do the same. That leaves me to wonder though….where do I go??? Where can I find a grown man, established in life that wants to date me? Well, thankfully I had a long chat with my friend last night who promised to become my most devoted and effective wing man, who gave me some wonderful ideas to try in the near future. When I started this blog, I thought of some of these places but as I became lost in the jungle, I forgot where to look. Institute was nice for awhile but while I still love my class…the guys there are just not for me. That’s okay though.

In an effort to save some of my weekend, I do plan on making tomorrow a day for finding. Obviously this is not going to happen at church as I already know everyone there and have dated the only one I wanted to date and now I am done with him. I guess it would be super fantastic if some random new guy showed up though. And by random new guy, I mean, random hot, normal, older, well-established, just my type new guy showed up. What are the chances? I’ll let you know if it turns out to be my lucky day. Just as a back-up though…I will head to the region YSA choir practice tomorrow night and try my chances there. I do like a man that can sing. Of course, sometimes you have to be careful in situations such as this, but I fully plan on breaking out my newly found womanly lures to attract a man willing to talk to me and maybe, maybe even want to get to know me more…maybe say, Friday night??

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I'm Back!

Remember when I read the diet book that wasn’t really a diet book recently? The one entitled, “The Gabriel Method.” Good, now do you remember how it threw me off a little on my diet technique? I loved what I learned and wanted to put it into practice but it was hard to give up some of my old ways of thinking…it still is. Anyway, I had a little set back in the diet area and I am still working on that but I think that I have some good ideas on the subject and have put some of them into practice.

Anyway, this post is not about my diet…or lack thereof. I bring this up because I am almost at the point of information overload…almost to the point of crashing. Well, I may have already experienced just that and am trying to recover. What is this overload? Well, as you know, I have been researching dating and relationships like none other. I want to be an expert on the matter. In fact, I have decided that if I could choose another career (and maybe someday I will) it would be something similar to this…kinda like Ms. Snell…a dating coach/marriage and family counselor. I love that idea.

Okay, this post is also not about my career ambitions, it’s about my current project which involves me…and making me better at dating and life in general. To accomplish this feat I have enlisted the help of several wise experts. They all speak truths that have helped me to grow immensely. So, what is the problem? Well, the problem is that I have been doing everything all wrong my whole life and have continued to do so, even while in the throngs of this current experiment. While this shouldn’t really be a problem, but rather a learning point, a point to move forward from, I’m still fighting insecurities at having screwed up and at having held out hope where hope was not an option. Even still, I feel like every day I grow a little at having learned and now my hope is that I can remember the lessons given me and use them for better.

One thing that I love about Greg Behrendt (author of “He’s Just Not That Into You), is that he advises us women not to waste time thinking about and mourning over someone who isn’t interested in us because we are too good for that. He says it way better of course. I think I already mentioned this but one of the first things he says is that we shouldn’t waste our pretty on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Instead, he says to focus our attention and thoughts on finding the guy who will appreciate us and will want to spend time with us, and put forth effort to be with us and do things for us, etc. We deserve more. I deserve more. I don’t deserve to waste hours and hours worrying about whether or not the gentleman is interested in me. He has already told me through his actions and now that I know and can accept it…I feel like a burden has been lifted off of me. It’s kinda weird. I’m ready to get out there and meet amazing man #8 though.

Having been on vacation for a week (and maybe a little more before that) I am feeling slightly off my game and out of it. I loved vacation though. It was so great to forget about the whole thing for awhile. Being away from here; being with my family, made me focus on others and not on myself. It was so fun to be with them and just be who I am. I enjoyed throwing a football in the park with my brothers, skipping and frolicking with my mom and nieces and nephews, cuddling a tiny, baby niece, talking with, listening to and watching the people that I love most. It made me feel like nothing is missing in my life and that I didn’t have anything to worry about. Ahh, it was nice while it lasted. Now however, I am so ready to get my game back on. What a slacker!!!! Tonight is institute. I’m really not sure if there are any more potentials there, but I will certainly keep my eyes open. I also have some other ideas in mind, so don’t give up on my yet!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Okay Again...

It's Spring Break in Vegas. I'm home. While Salt Lake is my home now too, there is just something about going back to your roots. Something that is so real and rejuvenating. I was supposed to have a date with one lucky #8 here but as it turns out, we were both too busy. Maybe next time. Meanwhile, I am having a fabulous time just hangin' out with my family and taking a break from finding, dating, and trying to get married. Everyone needs a break sometimes right? Okay, I feel like I've been breaking more than anything lately but it's okay. I'm ready to get back on the wagon just as soon as I get back to the promised land. As for my efforts in this areas however, they have not been completely forgotten in my journeyings away from home...I have still been researching and planning my next moves. In fact, I actually started reading, "He's Just Not That Into You." Now that I'm reading it, I feel quite silly for holding on to hope for Gentleman #1 for so long. I always knew that it was an empty hope but now I just feel ridiculous for expressing it and for going back and forth with him. I know better. He's just not that into me and it's time to move on. I'm okay though. I really am. Of course I haven't seen him in a few weeks and that always helps. I'm definitely ready for a few more dates soon though. Soon. First, I have to enjoy some more good times with my sibs and then head back to the land of the cold and the vampire white skin where my next few victims await.