People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Buried Treasure

Have you ever dug a really big hole with a shovel? When you were little, did you ever try to dig to China? I did…I realized it was a loooong way down! I realized today that for some…like me…marriage is like digging for a buried treasure. My treasure happens to be buried very deeply in the Earth…somewhere near China I’d imagine! Digging a whole is a very taxing labor. Sometimes you work very hard and feel like you have gotten nowhere. Sometimes you just need to stop and take a break. Sometimes those breaks cause discouragement and doubt in your abilities to complete such a daunting task. But all the while, you know that if you just keep digging, you will certainly find treasure, and great prosperity will soon be yours.

In the same sense, I find myself often discouraged at the seemingly lack of progress in the hole in which I am digging. Every once in awhile I stand up and can see the depth of what I have accomplished but most times, I am right in the middle of the dirt, wondering what I have gotten myself into and where my treasure lies. Many people say that marriage happens when you are not looking for it. They always say to forget about it and not to try…and that is when it will come. Well my friends, I am really glad that so many have happened upon their treasure coincidentally but…we are each different AND, I also feel that if I want the reward, I have to do my part to earn it.

Along the same lines…some people may even go so far as to label me and others who pursue their goals as “desperate.” After a good conversation with an invaluable friend the other day…I feel much better about my stance in this regard. I am not desperate but, as she says, I know what I want at this point in my life and I am going after it. And that is OKAY! If I were desperate however, I might make out with the guy that keeps condescending who I am and what my values are. If I were desperate, I may have settled for any of the previous guys that have not been good matches for me. I know what I want and what I deserve. I am also realistic and know that people, even men, are not perfect. I will probably never find a perfect man but I will find a man that is perfect for me. Sometimes it takes a little digging…sometimes it takes a lot…but either way, the treasure buried is specifically meant for me and will be a reward that only I can appreciate to its fullest.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I fully believe this to be true in every aspect of our lives. I also believe in the idea of creating our existence. It may or may not be the right time for me to be married but, as I put forth the effort, I know I will be rewarded. Sometimes, as mentioned in many previous posts, I feel like I must be at the bottom of my pit. That the possibilities are in fact limited and I have viewed them all. It is at those times, when I press onward, that I am rewarded. It seems that lately, the possibilities for further dating opportunities are coming out of the woodworks. Everyone knows people right? We all have a network of social acquaintances that are often broadened by our interactions with each other. Many of the people we know or are exposed to also know other single people. Connecting with people is so important to our social lives as well as to our progress in the dating journey.

So, while I do not currently have the next date set up, I do have more possibilities in the works. My sister knows some people with a son. A teacher at one of my schools has a son. There are still two more single men from the other blog, just waiting to be set up with me. I have a guy friend with two single, older roommates. Yes, the list goes on. And I intend to make use of the list…despite my current despair at the quality of men I have lately been associated with. Okay, that is not completely true, I have a couple of guy friends that really are quality and we have had some deep and interesting conversations lately. Thank goodness for them…they restore my faith in the male intelligence level and help me to press onward, hoping to find a match of their caliber…only one that is interested in dating me! 

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Girl in My Head

Obsess: “Preoccupy someone to a disturbing extent.” –Oxford Dictionary of Current English

Disturbing indeed. I am disturbed. Slightly. Why? Because of the girl in my head. I’m not her and therefore fight a constant battle of who I am versus who she is, and why I’m not good enough as opposed to why she is. We all do this right? It is completely normal?? Even when one should be mature and has reached beyond the age of thirty? Well good.

One of my favorite musicals is “Wicked.” Yes, another small obsession…well, it used to be anyway. There is a song I love, mostly because its range reaches quite low (and I like that!), but also because I relate. I often relate. It’s titled, “I’m Not That Girl.” I haven’t listened to it in awhile but as I was going through some of my music tonight, I came across it and thought how fitting it was for my current state of mind. It speaks of a similar battle between two women. I think that everyone at some point has felt the same. Here are the lyrics:

Hands touch, eyes meet

Sudden silence, sudden heat

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl

He could be that boy

But I'm not that girl.

Don't dream too far

Don't lose sight of who you are

Don't remember that rush of joy

He could be that boy

I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal

To the land of what-might-have-been

But that doesn't soften the ache we feel

When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb

She who's winsome, she wins him

Gold hair with gentle curl

That's the girl he chose

And heaven knows

I'm not that girl...

Don't wish, don't start

Wishing only wounds the heart

I wasn't born for the rose and pearl

There's a girl I know

He loves her so

I'm not that girl...

So, without being too overly dramatic, I just wanted to say that I feel similarly about a certain girl, a winsome girl with blonde hair with a gentle curl. I don’t like her. I have a friend who chose her over me. He sometimes still does and while maybe he is not interested in either of us, I still find myself obsessed with comparison between the two of us. I hate the way that she makes me feel like the things I do and have are not good enough. I hate it without even really knowing her. I hate every time he tells me anything about her, or I see anything about her on facebook. For some reason, I look at who she is and what she does, and feel like I have to be interested in the same things and I wonder why I didn’t think to do the things she has done. Even if it’s as silly as owning about a million pairs of shoes and having a whole album devoted to them on facebook. I mean, I like shoes too. But seriously…

And then I remember, I have done a lot of really awesome things. I know a lot, I live, and I am NICE. Maybe I don’t look like her…thank goodness because she has perma-biotch face (sorry!)…but I still look okay. I am beautiful in my way, and she probably is in hers. Since I don’t know her properly, it’s difficult to tell. The moral of the story is that I have to sit down and list what makes me so great, and remember that I am unique and happy to be. If everyone were the same…this world would be extra lame, right?! Sure he didn’t choose me but…someday, somebody will. The right guy will, and he will appreciate my differences from her because it’s who I AM. It’s like the number one truth I found on the Utah Dating Coach’s blog. It reads:

“The kind of person I’m lookin for is looking for someone like me. They will see me for what I have to offer and will respond to and invest in me.” Yessss… I have to keep this perspective and be calm knowing that the future holds a greatness for me that I cannot yet fathom.

Then I also wonder…does she do the same thing about me? I mean, she obviously doesn’t like me. The few times I have met her have not been super pleasant. I was nice, she was not. That’s all I have to say about that. So, is she comparing? Is she secretly stalking me and wishing that she had some of my awesomeness? I’d like to think so…just so we are all even! Either way, I’m glad to be me. Now, moving on to more positivity and hopefully some more adventure in my life…after I get rid of this sickness that is currently plaguing my lungs!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Number 14

If at first you don’t succeed…beg. Just as I was feeling once again that I was at the end of all possibility, a new door or two opened up to me by way of the ever popular blogging world! Remember how last week I guest posted on the coolest blog ever?? For those who don’t know me, just know that I am rather sarcastic. As a result of my silliness and sarcasm, I decided to add a post script to the bottom of my long lecture on relationship advice. Did you see it? Yes, I resorted to begging. This particular blog has a rather numerous following and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to try and sell my soul for a minute to get another date. So, the post scrip read something like this, “ps…If you know any single guys in their late 20’s to early 30’s ish, with their normalicy still in tact, feel free to send them my way. As it turned out, three people did feel free…and bless them!

Number fourteen who is nameless in every way because I can’t really think of a name for him yet, called me on Monday evening. One of his female relations was kind enough to hook that up. Anyway, we chatted for a few minutes and he seemed like a kindred soul with a sense of humor, so I was pleased. Later that night, after a most exciting ward outing at the ice skating oval (that’s right…we had an ice skating activity…and I was AWESOME thanks to my practice!!), I took a couple of my friends home downtown and then talked to Mr. Fourteen on my way back home for a few minutes. The next day we texted a little bit and I found that he could be good at texting and still had a sense of humor. Whew! What a relief! We talked about getting together soon and tentatively made plans for the next day or Friday. Wednesday rolled around and turned out to be the day. He couldn’t wait to meet me any longer! Haha…just kidding, he didn’t say that, but it is to be expected of course! ;)

It had been a long day for me and we ended up getting together a little later on in the evening. We had a hard time coming up with something to do (I know…I’ve probably lectured about this previously, but I just wasn’t liking any of my formerly listed ideas at the time). Finally, we decided to hang out at his house, so I headed out in the rain to find his place of abode. It was easy to find and refreshing to walk into a man’s house that didn’t smell like boy and was actually very clean. Impressive! We decided to head out for some food first thing. As we were trying to decided what would be most delicious, he suggested a Thai place nearby. Are you serious?? Thai food is one of my favorite foods and very close to my heart! :) The place did not disappoint. It was so delicious! I can’t remember the name of it but it was on State Street near 2100 South. Go there. You will not be disappointed either.

We talked easily through dinner and on the way home he played some of his favorite tunes for me. His wide array of musical genres and styles was also impressive. When arriving back at his house, he showed me the music video to one of the tunes which is my new favorite song for sooo many reasons. I had heard it before but forgotten it for some reason. Anyway, you can check it out here! Since he had hooked up his iphone to the t.v., we watched some upcoming movie trailers using one of his apps. It was kind of cool. I don’t own such things but it was fun to just chat a little and get to know each other. Before too long, he was tired (I was putting him to sleep as is my usual custom with boys….) so I went home. He gave me a hug and sent me on my way. We texted when I got home and that was that.

About the night…I’m not sure what to think. If I were him, I probably wouldn’t want to hang out with me again. I felt like I was really boring and LAME SAUCE! I hate it when I meet new people and then get all shy. I’m not usually like that. I’m pretty outgoing, fun, crazy, weird, and yeah…all of those things again! So, I don’t think I was very impressionable, but…that is okay. You can’t change the past and you are who you are. Sometimes I AM shy. I guess that’s why it’s always good to keep the door open for a little while and give people chances huh? This is a lesson I am learning. Remember last year when I didn’t? See, I’ve come a long way already. Now I just need a chance…or a door…to keep open. Hmmm….

Thursday, March 10, 2011

In the Interim...

It's been a little while since I've had a date. A little over a month actually. In the time since #13 decided to drop me like last night's prostitute, I've been doing some further research and studying. I've also been living my life. For weeks now I have meant to share some of the great new treasures of knowledge that I have obtained living has gotten somewhat in the way. Never fear have a way to read my words of advice, or those of Ms. Dr. Laura (who I have recently been studying) on my friend's popular blog 'Or So She Says.' You can access it from the button on the left of the link here. Either way, it's always an honor to be posted there and mostly, I have priorities people. I had to write the post so I could win the fabulous dress in her recent giveaway. Everything worked out in my favor and now I have a dress and a new post to show for it. But anyway...

My living has also found me reading books for pleasure. I like to read for pleasure and learning at the same time however. Books that make me feel smarter, just make me feel better inside, and they make me feel like I can discuss important things in social settings. With that, I am currently reading, "The Agony and the Ecstasy." It is a biographical novel about Michelangelo.  So far so good. Keeping my horizons broad as I choose books, has helped me to see the world through many different windows. I love looking at things with new perspective and learning something of a trade unfamiliar to what I do. So, if you are into reading and don't mind a really long book about art...pick this one up. More on my other gallivantings and wanderings soon!