I See Dead People...

Remember my tiny little melt down last week? Don’t worry this will not be a repeat. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking this week. In doing so, I’ve figured out that I need to find a balance in my life between dating/this project, and the other things I’m interested in. Sure I’m interested in dating, even though at this point I’m pretty sure that there is nothing good about it so I don’t know why we want to subject ourselves willingly to it. Even still, it has to be done if we want to find eternal bliss with some hottie that better make this all worth it! That said, I had a fantastic weekend just hangin out with my buds, my family, and myself. I’m going to start with my buds so that I can immediately explain the title of this post because I know you are ‘dying’ to know what it’s about!


Last night, my Saturday night, was spent with a good friend of mine who is in my single’s ward. As a side note, I am so grateful for all of my friends. They are each unique and I like them for different reasons and love having a variety of people to turn to in both my happy moments as well as my times of struggle and trial. Anyway, this particular girl has really helped me to survive the single scene over the last year. We’ve suffered through together! Okay, it hasn’t been that bad but she has been a wonderful confidant and support to me. It is soooo important to have friends like this and to KEEP friends like this, even after dating and marriage occur. Girlfriends are different from guys and sometimes hanging out with them is just like a breath of fresh air amidst the haze of this dating sojourn.

The night started out at a random single’s activity where I didn’t know anyone but my friend. She knew me, and her other friend and that friend’s brother. It was okay but when it ended, the other friend asked if we wanted to go tour a mortuary. I was like “heck no.” (I edited that…) I thought she was joking but apparently her uncle is a funeral director. So…a large group of us headed over to the local morgue to have a look. If you don’t know me, it is important for you to understand that my entire life I have been ridiculously afraid of dead people. I’ve skipped several viewings and refused to go into rooms with an open casket. So it was a pretty big deal for me to go party at the mortuary. Nevertheless, it was an interesting experience. I learned a lot, saw some dead people, hung out in the embalming room, and came home and took a good long shower to wash away any lingering smells. I was afraid to go to sleep but finally did and of course, as I had feared, I dreamed about the old woman we saw in a casket. Oh well.

Why do I share this with you? Because it was an interesting experience and sure made for a great conversation piece at church today. As I have mentioned before, getting out and experiencing life (or death in this case) is so important for our own well being as well as for the development of our personalities and interest factor. All week I kept thinking that all I do anymore is focus on dating and talk about dating and work on meeting guys to date, etc. How am I supposed to talk about that when I am on a date?? So, building other experiences in our lives is healthy in so many ways…even though I’m pretty sure hanging out at the morgue isn’t healthy in any way for me! Haha…

So, what else did I do this weekend? I had a fun Friday night with another girl friend who I’m so grateful to have around and to be getting to know better lately. She is so fun to talk to and one of the nicest people I know. She also has great taste in frozen yogurt. When we were on our road trip a few weeks ago, we went to this place in St. George and fell in L-O-V-E. It’s called ‘Spoon Me.’ Have you been there? They serve the best natural frozen yogurt with all kinds of toppings and to make it even better, it’s actually pretty healthy. I didn’t feel gross after eating it or anything. Just going to the place is a fun experience because of its atmosphere. This would be a great place to take a date for a dessert or hang out so keep it in mind…it’s delicious!

Finally, a real spirit booster for me this weekend was just hangin out by myself trying to accomplish something. I love hanging out with myself! I’ve spent quite a bit of time living alone and have really come to love alone time. I was starting to really need it after a week with two very interesting, if nothing else, dates. It was wearing on me and I just needed time to remember who I was and what it is that I like to do. One thing that I really love is reading books so I decided that this week, the thing that I will do for myself, is read a book. I’m going to read, “Hunger Games.” I’ve heard only good things but I’ll let you know how I like it later. Doing things for yourself is so great. I hope that I will never lose who I am; that I can keep this perspective and be able to balance it with someone else.

Quick Update: I have a date Thursday night with my newest facebook friend from down south. He’s the one that I’ve been following for over a year because my friends wanted to set me up with him. All of his emails to me are ridiculously funny so I’m excited to meet him. At the same time, I know that he has some pretty thick walls up and isn’t really looking for a relationship right now. It’s nice to know where he is coming from so that I don’t get my hopes up. I think that he would be a really fun friend to have though and I hope that someday, those walls will slowly come down. I also kind of hope that I can help knock down a brick or two. I’m a good person and definitely someone that you can trust. Hopefully he will get to know me enough to find that out about me.

Not So Super...Man #3

After quite a lot of work on my part, I finally went on a date with Superman. I have to say that the effort that I had to exude to make this happen, really dampened my spirits before the date even took place. He seemed very noncommittal about going out in the first place, yet he said that he wanted to. So, he didn’t know what to do, yet when I suggested things, he threw them out the window. Hello….what do you want me to say?? I can’t read your mind, I don’t have super powers like you! Finally however, we settled on dinner Thursday evening and then going from there. He had some other things going on in the late afternoon so I was never sure when exactly this date would occur. I decided to go home from work, hurry and work out, then get ready. Well, right after I finished my workout, he called and said he was ready to go. Are you kidding me? You don’t give a girl that kind of notice, really. I asked him if he could give me some time. He seemed a bit confused but said, “ok, if you feel like you need to get ready, that’s fine.” Well, that made me feel a little bit dumb for getting ready for him but I explained that I had just finished working out. Anyway, we finally decided to meet shortly (I would hurry and get ready) at Johnny Carino's. Not his top choice but oh well.

As a brief side note, I prepared for the date earlier in the day by reading the chapter in Dr. Phil’s book about internet dating. He gives several helpful pieces of advice for meeting someone offline. I followed just about all of the rules. He says to meet in a public place, do not go to your house or theirs; do not ride anywhere with him in his car; don’t give out personal information, and make sure that someone knows where you are and when to expect you back. Thanks to my awesome sister and very good friend, I felt safe because they knew where I was and they checked up on me.

After a quick, normally unsatisfactory grooming, I went out the door. I met him in the parking lot and was immediately grateful that I didn’t take too many pains to look good. He was okay in that department but slightly resembled Mr. Rogers (love that man but his sense of style is a little outdated). He kind of reminded me of an old man, just in his clothing. He was well taken care of though…he didn’t smell horrible (nor good) and he was clean.

As dinner progressed, our conversation flowed just fine. During dinner I could tell that his personality was a little over the top for me however. Basically, we just didn’t click there. I mean, it seemed like it because I can make mine click with anyone when I’m being nice, but really, we are quite different. You want an example? Okay fine. One day before I met him I replied to something he said with, “sweet sauce.” Instead of just saying sweet, or awesome, or cool, it’s fun to add a little sauce…it’s what I do, mostly because that’s what my brothers do and it has stuck with me. Anyway, he made fun of me for saying it but I told him to try it because it’s fun to say. Now, he can’t stop saying, “sweet sauce” but he never says it in the appropriate context. It’s like an American trying to throw out the word, “eh” as if they were Canadian but they don’t know when to say it. Anyway, he called me last night and in a weird, old lady voice was like, “is sweet sauce there?” He kept this going for quite some time while I sat there completely disheartened that I had actually pushed so hard to get a date with this guy. What can you do at that point though, I had to follow through.

Despite some of his unusual personality traits, we were still able to have conversation and he was still a gentleman, performing all of his gentlemanly duties just like the other men I went out with (opening doors, letting me walk in front of him, paying for my food, and complimenting my cute smile! Haha). Let’s get back to where this conversation progressed though. Somehow, because of him, we ended up talking a lot about other people we have dated and he in particular brought up his ex-wife quite a bit. Umm, really? Anyway, I suddenly felt that I was a contestant on the bachelor speeding up the dating process by getting right down to the deeper questions while preparing for elimination. If only it was one of those hot bachelors though…. He asked about my last serious relationship or how many I had been in, etc. This is a touchy subject for me and not one that I necessarily want to reveal to someone I hardly know. At any rate, I’m about to tell you so I guess I’ll have to get over it. Confession: I’m 30 years old and I have never been in a relationship. I’ve dated lots of guys, once or twice and that’s about it. I’m usually the ‘friend’ not the girlfriend. It’s a little embarrassing…a lot, and not something I really know how to explain when he asks me why. Why? Because guys have never been interested, because I was shy, I don’t know??? I can’t fix it; I just want to move on and try to figure out how this whole thing works. You have to start somewhere…even if you are 30.

After dinner he asked if I wanted to head over to Barnes and Noble which was right next door so I agreed. We walked over and there were tons of people there. Guess it was book fair night or something.

 Anyway, in theory I think this is a great date idea. It just didn’t work for me with him because at that point I was ready to be done with him. Anyway, we eventually made our way to the self-improvement section where we found some books about what your personality type is. We found a fun little book that was full of quizzes pertaining to your personality type. With book in hand, we made our way to a sitting area and spent some time giving each other the quizzes. They were interesting and fun. I’d certainly recommend something of this nature for a date because you not only get to know more about the person, but it’s different and kind of fun. I enjoyed it at first but when the conversation turned to his ‘ex’ it felt like the night would never end. I’m not trying to invalidate his stories or feelings, but it was a lot to take in for a first meeting. Finally, we made our way back to our cars, hugged and were on our way. This morning he texted me with, “hope you have a good day.” I replied with “thanks.”

On my way home from the date, I was happy to be doing just that, going home. He is nice, just not for me. I know it may seem judgmental of me to say this, especially in light of last week’s date, but sometimes you really just know that kissing that face is almost an impossibility for you and you can’t foresee that in any lifetime. I’m sure many, many guys have felt the same about me so, it’s just a reality of dating. Not only that, I could not live with random, sporadic, and sudden outbursts of, “sweet sauce,” in some high pitched, granny voice. No thank you! Thanks for the date Superman, but this girl doesn’t need saving.

Men, Men, Men...They're Everywhere!

I had a different post in mind but since I decided to go on some sort of leave of absence for the week, I think a little catching up needs to take place. Why? Because suddenly, the men are everywhere and I don’t know what to do with them all! Today, in my little world where I think about things, I even made up an analogy of sorts between this vibe thing and my weight loss. Jon Gabriel talks a lot about how our bodies (those of us that are a little overweight, or a lot) have our fat programs turned on. Our bodies basically want to be fat. They think that we need to be fat to be safe. Anyway, I’ve heard from several varying sources, not just Mr. Gabriel, that dieting often makes our bodies believe that we are in some sort of famine and they can in fact start storing fat to save up for the famine, instead of burning the fat. It is imperative therefore, that we get enough calories each day without having too many, as well as get the essential nutrients our bodies need. Anyway, Jon says that we shouldn’t starve ourselves but should try to convince our bodies that we are in feast mode, not famine. It’s complicated but you get the jist right?

Okay, you are probably wondering how this relates to the vibe. I might be wondering at this point too but it really worked earlier, in that little world I told you about. Anyway, I was thinking that the same type of thing applies with guys. Remember the vibe we talked about last week? Well, Jill posted a link to a website that talked about the vibe in great detail. It was fabulous. Anyway, the vibe is what we give off to men to make them want to talk to us and date us, etc. For me, I feel like sometimes I got it and sometimes I don’t! What I’ve noticed however, is that the more I talk to guys, the more the vibe comes to me. I started out small, just talking to the boys in my single’s ward. I became friends with them and then we became more and more comfortable with each other. Eventually, their attention gave me more confidence which in turn, gave me more ‘vibe’ which helped me to get a little flirt on. This then translated into further interactions with the male population wherever I go. I’m starting to feel it more fully consume my life and I feel like I am beginning to feast and the famine has passed. Somehow this relates to weight loss, it really does!

Moving on: where is this feast? Well, I went out with nice guy #2 last Saturday. He has called me back twice and both times I was occupied in meetings and missed the call. He left a message once but didn’t say anything about calling him back. He also never gave me his number. Nevertheless, I will eventually have to face his mother so I need to grow up, or man up, or something, and talk to him. Okay, let’s be honest, I’m still planning on taking the easy and slightly immature way out of this, but at least it will be dealt with. The plan: tomorrow I will call him back while he is hopefully at work. At that time, I will leave him a message thanking him, praising him, and dumping him (in a very nice way…letting him know that I am just not interested).

Next on the list, Mr. Superman. Last week this guy who claims to be Superman, emailed me on my online dating site. He is pretty cute in the pics and a really nice guy, from what I can tell so far. As I mentioned however, he is divorced with a 6 year old kid. Even so, we emailed for a couple of days and then I suggested that we hang out sometime this week. I gave him my number and we have texted and emailed every day since. Also, I found out that my cousin’s husband actually went to high school with him and he claims that he is a really good guy. Whew, I feel way more legit now. We are going out tomorrow night so you can get a detailed report right here, in just a few days.

Number three….yes, there is three and counting. Where to start with this guy? I really hate to reveal this about myself but here goes. A little over a year ago, when I moved back to SLC, some friends of mine told me about a guy they went to high school with that they wanted to hook me up with. They had heard that he was still single but didn’t actually have a direct connection to him themselves. Whenever anyone wants to hook me up, or if I like any guy for that matter, I like to do what I call, “research.” I think we may have talked about this before but let me refresh your memory. Sure, some may call it stalking, but I call it important investigation. Anyway, I thoroughly investigated, researched and maybe stalked this guy a little. Not really, I just found a lot of info about him online. He was super good looking which caught my interest immediately! I also found some videos of him and found out that he had a nice voice, was funny and still good looking! Usually I don’t pursue hook ups too much but I really wanted to meet this guy. Everything about him intrigued me. Plus, he was referred by some of my favorite people in the world so you can’t go wrong there right?

So, what’s the story? Well, on the road trip last week, I showed my girls some of his pics and videos. Don’t think that I seriously have looked at these everyday for the last year and a half; I just look at them from time to time and wish that somehow things would have worked out so that I could meet him. Well, the girls I was with said, “why don’t you just add him as a friend on facebook.” The thought had certainly crossed my mind but how many random people do you accept as your friend? After receiving permission from my friends who knew him however, I added him and let him know that I knew them. He accepted and I emailed asking him more about himself. He gave me a great reply in which I found him to be so, so hilarious, as well as very honest. He was flattered that I want to meet him and is willing to have dinner and a movie with me. At the same time, he is super, super busy and also very, very guarded. As it turns out, he was married for a little while and now has a hard time trusting people. Something obviously went very wrong. He did his best to warn me of his character or current state of mind, but was still willing to hang out with me so I decided that I would like to take my chances. Seriously, he seems like a really great guy and if nothing else, could be a fun, fun friend. His schedule is really busy but I think we will hang out sometime in the next week or two. Don’t worry, you will be notified as soon as I know!

Other than that, I still have two more guys that my friend is setting me up with so we will try to schedule those soon as well. I don’t think I will be participating in any more finding activities too soon. I need to feel it out with these guys and see what I really think. It’s only fair to them and to me. I can’t handle any more right now anyway!! Stay tuned, lots of fun details soon to come.

Fear and Contemplation

I have news, thoughts, and some of my feelings to share with you today. News first? Okay. Well, I pretty much have #3 bagged and ready to go for this week. What day, I have no idea yet. I’m still waiting on him to decide when he wants to make himself available for me. Who is this guy you ask? Well, despite all of my complaining and fears about the internet…that’s exactly where he is from. Well actually, he is from Salt Lake City but I met him online. Once I changed my profile pic he noticed me and commented on my amazing profile. We have written back and forth a few times and last night I gave him my number and we texted for quite some time.


What’s this guy’s story? Well, he’s another divorcee with a son. Family man #2?? Just kidding, we’ll find a new name for this one. He’s a fun guy so far, that’s for sure. What I like about him is that I can be totally flirty and fun with him in an appropriate way, yet still learn the facts about him. Last night he was preparing a talk for church today and I was preparing a lesson. It was somewhat refreshing to put our fun flirting aside and be able to talk about those things for a few minutes. I’m hoping this is a good sign about him. Despite all of this, I still have my apprehensions. First of all, he’s divorced. Secondly, I’m not sure he has a plan for his life…we will find out later. Thirdly, I just don’t know because I have only talked to him online and through text. It will be nice to meet him and see how I feel then. Funny story though, I noticed that on his profile he has a goal to date 30 girls this year. Haha, I didn’t tell him that I sooo 10 upped him on that one! Anyway, I will keep you posted; he’s trying to find something for us to do. I guess he didn’t like all of my suggestions. Speaking of dating ideas, I will post some of my findings soon so keep reading, you might learn something!

Alright, are you ready for my thoughts and feelings? I just feel like I need to write right now so I’m taking it out on you! This project has caused me several times to step back and evaluate myself, my life, and what is right for me. I know, I know…I have only just begun. At the same time, I keep wondering, is this me? Flirting and dating lots of men sounds like a dream right? Don’t get me wrong, I love getting attention from men. Good attention anyway, that makes me feel good about myself and not gross. Anyway, it’s exhausting and several factors are always missing from those dreams that when real life happens, you realize were left out of the scene. One of those factors is dealing with men who might be interested in you but that you are not interested in back. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone else’s feelings but lets be honest, this has to be a selfish game. By that I mean, I have to do what’s going to be best for me in the long run. It’s hard to figure out how to let someone down gently. Next factor-how do I go about this without considering every guy as just another number to add to my ticker?? Sometimes I think, oh well, at least I got #2 done. Well, that one was important, just for the fact that I needed my ticker to stop saying 1 men done…as if I didn’t know how to speak English. Seriously though, sometimes I feel like I am looking at guys as just another number when what I am really looking for in life is substance and a good man. I’m sure that I will find what I’m looking for. I just don’t want to lose myself in the process…that’s all.

P.S…I got a call back from Nice Guy #2 tonight. I was at a meeting and missed the call but he left a message. I really don’t know what to do. He didn’t invite me to call him back or leave a number so I don’t plan on doing so. This means that he could be calling again though. What do I do???

Nice Guy #2

Date #2…here’s how it went down. Well, nice guy #2 came to my house to pick me up. I thought that this would be a good idea because, even though it was the middle afternoon and just a lunch outing, I thought it would seem more like a date. I forgot to take into account that yes, I live at my parent’s house. I own a house in another part of Utah and can’t afford to live anywhere else right now as a result. Anyway, having a date pick me up in daylight at the parents house started seeming more and more awkward as the time drew nearer. Nevertheless, he came, did not honk but came to the door and off we went. He was very gentlemanly throughout the date which is always nice. He opened my doors for me, let me walk in front of him, etc. No matter the guy, it’s always nice to be treated this way.


When I walked out to his car I was excited to find that he drives a big truck. I don’t know what it is but there is just something about a man that drives a big truck…makes him seem more manly I guess. As for him, I thought that he was not terribly unfortunate looking but that his mom may have exaggerated a bit when she kept telling me that, “he is VERY good looking.” Haha, that’s okay though. He is super tall, which she warned me of, so I wore by biggest pair of shoes. Anyway, I thought that he could maybe turn out to be okay, not in the hottie category, but seemed like a decent gentleman, ya know?

For the date, which was just a lunch date, we went to Chili’s. That’s always a safe bet right? Anyway, I like the place so no complaints. We talked and ate; he paid so that was nice. Actually, I didn’t even offer so I’m glad he took care of that. As for our conversation, I felt like the only reason that it kept going…most of the time…was because of me. He didn’t offer much in that area. As it turned out, I’m pretty sure we covered all of the basic information that you need to know about a person on a first date. None of it really seemed exciting though. We didn’t really laugh, just talked. I feel like maybe I have a little more spunk than he does or is used to being around. It went fine and we agreed on a lot of things as far as our interests go, I was just a little bored. I didn’t find myself in any way wanting to be near him or spend much longer with him.

Anyway, on the way home, I found out just how fancy his truck is. It’s loaded with all the cool stuff right? He turned on my seat warmer and I can’t say that it was a really pleasant sensation for me. In fact, it felt a lot like I had just peed my pants. I couldn’t wait to get outta that thing! Well, when we got back to my house he walked me up and I was so nervous that my parents were watching out the window or listening to me, it was awkward. Anyway, he didn’t really seem like he wanted to leave and I think that I was maybe a little rude because I might have had that look that said, “please just let me go in the house!!” He asked for a hug and it was LAME! Partly my fault though. It was a one-hander, you know how those go right? We kept saying “thanks” and “bye” and then he would bring up something else to say. He finally let me loose however and I escaped to the safety of the walls of my parents house as quickly as I could.

Analysis: I’m not sure how I feel after coming home. I’m trying not to hate myself for not being interested. Why do I give myself this kind of guilt trip anyway? I guess because he is a nice, really good guy, I just didn’t feel any sort of connection with him. In fact, the more I was with him, the more I wished I wasn’t. I tried to keep an open mind, I promise!! Not having any interest makes me question this however and wonder if I really am being open-minded, or just too picky. Can you be too picky though? Shouldn’t you feel something…anything for a guy that you are going to be with? I don’t want to just settle for someone. Boring conversation with lack of excitement for life sounds like an eternity of torture for me! So, I’m home, I feel like a bad person and I don’t want to talk to any men for awhile. I like my bubble!

Me...It's All About Me

Help me! I need more motivation, seriously. Maybe my goals are too lofty. Sometimes I do this to myself and then I don’t want to work on any of them because I am so overwhelmed by my high expectations. That’s how I feel now I guess. It has been a seriously lazy year so far. Despite that, I have still been reading several self-help type books, one of which was on weight loss. I found it very interesting and informative in fact, so I thought I’d share a little bit about it.

Basically, this is not a diet book but rather a psychological perspective about being overweight. I don’t believe in following any specific diets but rather in just learning what I can from different sources and trying to find a healthy way of life that I can stick to forever. That said much of what Jon Gabriel shares in his book rang true for me. He focuses a lot on positive thinking and visualization to become who you want to be, but his main plea is to add things to your diet that are going to give you the nutrients you need to become healthy. In doing so, he says that you will eventually stop craving the foods that are unhealthy for you. Anyway, he was over 400 pounds and after much research of his own, lost his extra weight and is currently ripped, happy, and he doesn’t have excessive skin hangin around. Obviously his method worked for him so I think he’s worth learning a lesson from. As a result, I am sort of in the process of revamping my weight loss plan. I’m trying to think it through and decided what’s best for me. I’ve started to add some of his ideas but I need a little more contemplation on the subject to come up with what works for me. In the meantime, I just started a weight loss competition with a friend and a bunch of people she knows so hopefully that will get me a little more motivated to stick to this goal. If you want to know more about the Gabriel Method, you can check out his website at www.gabrielmethod.com

Update on 40 Men: The Online World

I recently browsed the people on my online dating site who are viewed the most often. I tried to analyze why it is that they are the chosen ones. Well, I didn’t come up with anything great other than the fact that most of them have somewhat trashy pictures up. So, I took matters into my own hands and changed my profile pic. Don’t get any ideas people, mine is totally appropriate, I just look a little better in it than I did in the one I had up. Suddenly my hit list has gone way up. By hit list, I of course mean that a significantly greater amount of males are checking me out. A few of these men have even been bold enough to inquire after me. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. One guy was average and seemed somewhat normal so I sent him a short reply. It said, “Hello.” I know, pretty lame, but all he said to me was that he just wanted to say hello so I really wasn’t feeling any more of a reply. Oh, before I move on…some of you are dying to know about Mr. Family Man and Mr. Broadway. They have both turned into Mr. MIA as I haven’t heard back from them. I think they are done with me. Well, that was fun.

Okay, now on to the next male who dared to leave a mark on my email inbox. First of all, I’m not even sure where he’s from but I think it’s India?? His ward is Islamabad. It doesn’t matter but I’m not looking for someone on the other side of the world, I’m looking for a date…right here in Utah. Secondly, he titled the subject, “hey precious.” Yikes, I feel dirty already. Okay, okay, an open mind. I opened it and read on. It was quite lengthy, with an incredulous lack of grammar. No worries though, he wrote me some poetry to make up for it. I won’t copy the whole ridiculous message but maybe just the poetry. What do you say? Okay, here it is by Mr. Crazy:

Friends smile at you.

They like your face.

They want to be with you

Any old place.



Friends have fun with you.

Friends share

They’re glad when you’re happy---

When you’re sad, they care.



If you’re a friend

Then you care, too.

That’s why your friends

Are glad you’re you!!!

thanks

Well, that was nice…and touching huh! Anyway, he called me ‘dear’ and told me I was pretty. I guess I should be flattered. I am but why is this the only kind of guy I can get?? Those verging on crazy!! Seriously! This obviously calls for another self reflection session to find out what it is about me that attracts strange women who want babies now, and weird guys verging on crazy, to talk to me….and that’s all!

Quick Update

I have a date, a real date scheduled for Saturday! Mr. Momma's boy finally called me back and set up a lunch appointment for Saturday. Hmmm...lunch? Okay, whatever. Seems like cheating but a date's a date. Honestly though, on the phone I was thinking, ummm, are you ever gonna ask me out because I think I'm running out of things to say to you which does not bode well for our date. I'm really going to have to think this one through to keep the conversation flowing. On a good note, he's allergic to seafood which I destet (except for shrimp which he can eat as it turns out). Well, there's something in common. He said he can't eat anything with a fishy taste, I said, "me neither, cause it tastes like fish." Haha, I'm so funny. Maybe I will entertain myself on the date! Just kidding, it's gonna be great...now I bet you can't wait for the update! No worries, I'm sure it'll be on here Saturday because it doesn't sound like I will be out too late!

Baby Steps...Baby Steps

Okay, here’s the skinny on tonight’s happenings. I went to institute; the social mecca of single LDS young adults like myself. While I would normally go to the same class as last week because I felt obligated after signing the roll, I broke my good girl habits, stepped out of my box and went to a different class. Honestly, the one last time just didn’t cut it for me. The hottie I talked to last week was in the new class and I had heard some great things about the teacher. We will get to that shortly however. First, let’s talk about my observations. I was a little late to class because I really had to finish watching last night’s recorded episode of The Bachelor before leaving my house. Thank goodness Michelle left huh! Anyway, I walked in late but, by some miracle, was still able to snatch the last available seat in the back of the room. It really is a great place to scope out the prey. Anyway, as I was doing said scoping, I noticed that several of the guys looked a little bit familiar and a well known feeling of paranoia settled over me. Why so paranoid? Ever since I started this silly online escapade, I am worried that I will run into one of these guys in person and they will recognize me. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing to be ashamed about from my communications with them, other than the fact that I was bold enough to write them but was never good enough for them to respond to. Anyway, I don’t think that any of the guys there were actually people that I have approached in the online world, I just get thinking about it and worry. This particular guy was eyeing me which is what brought it all on. I thought that maybe he recognized me or something. Anyway, I moved on, took a deep breath, sat back and tried to enjoy the rest of the class, leaving the rest of the scoping for later.

Okay, topic number two of tonight’s events: the teacher. I just want to briefly mention her because I can see her quickly becoming a new hero of mine. My previous recommendations for her class were based solely on her knowledge and skills as a teacher. I was certainly not disappointed in this regard. She was amazing! One thing I enjoyed was that she wasn’t afraid to disagree with comments given and she wasn’t afraid to absolutely agree with the ones that she agreed with. She was on her toes the entire class. That isn’t completely what I liked about her though. I gathered from some of her comments that she is about 41-42 years old. She looks a little younger but from some things she said, this is what I am estimating. At one point in the class she mentioned that she has been single for a loooong time. We were talking about keeping a strong moral compass. This woman is my new hero in sticking to her morals and in just living her life despite her marital status. There are so many of us out there in this situation and I think that in some ways, we are here to help each other to deal with it and to realize that life does go on and that we can be strong in who we are and in what believe no matter what. Strong woman….that’s for sure!

Now, for the topic you have all been waiting for: the man I talked to. Now, this is where the headline for this post comes in to play, just keep that in mind okay. So, I was sitting there enjoying the class and the one guy that I was sure was on my internet dating site kept looking my way. I thought that maybe he would be the one. Then, half way through the class, a real good looker walked in and sat by me. I was sitting next to a table on the back wall and he just sat down right on the table. It seemed convenient enough to make him the one, even though by the looks of him, we were in two very separate classes of humanity. He was hot though…just maybe more so than what I normally feel comfortable conversing with. I thought it out throughout the rest of the class and by the time we were leaving, I made my approach. Well, we were still sitting there. I turned to him and said, “she said we could keep these right?” He said, “yeah.” Hmmm, yep…that was our whole conversation, if you want to call it that! Hey, at least I made an approach of sorts people. He was clearly giving the signals that he was not interested in pursuing the conversation any further so I took my fine self out to the linger longer.

The linger longer….it has made some steps of its own this week. That’s right; they replaced the trail mix with some delightful doughnuts! While I was feeling slightly off my game after that ridiculous attempt at a conversation with the in class hottie, I was determined to find more success in this arena. I slowly moved around the middle of the crowd, looking for just the right guy or guys to approach. Suddenly, I was approached by…a girl??? Apparently I was giving off the vibe alright, not sure that it was the right vibe for this situation though. Yikes! The conversation with this girl did serve a purpose however and that purpose will be shared right now. I’m not sure how old she was but having just met her, I found her conversation to be one shocking revelation after another. For the girl’s sake, I was really grateful that I wasn’t a man. I know I shouldn’t compare but talking to her made me realize that I may not have any game but it is certainly miles ahead of some girls…this one in particular. She is going into education but she revealed to me that she just really wants to have kids…she thinks she is ready and just in that place in her life. Ummm, I don’t think so. She went on and on about how if she makes it to 30 without being single she will just shoot herself or something of that nature. She would just have a break down and she said to me, “what girl wouldn’t ya know?” I told her that life goes on and it’s okay. I really wanted to tell her that there was this awesome blog I know about by a girl who is 30 and single and just living the life. More so however, I wanted to write about her on said blog so I didn’t share. So selfish of me, I know but really? I sincerely hope that her approach to men is not what it was to me. After awhile I shut her out and started writing this very post in my head as she spoke to me. Then I quickly came up with a plan to rid myself of her, which I did. How was I supposed to talk to a guy after this? I had to hide from her but I noticed that she was talking to other girls that she had approached. Honey, if you want a baby so bad, maybe you should be talking to the gender that can help you make one, I’m just sayin…

Okay, what a night! Progress is progress, despite how large or small it may be so just remember that and be proud that I even tried to speak to a guy. Also, if you are single, please don’t act like the girl who approached me tonight…she is not doing herself, or me for that matter, any favors. Anyway, I talked to a boy, enjoyed class and learned a lesson about myself and about how I should never, never act. Therefore, we can chalk this night up as a success!

Random Thoughts...

Where have I been you ask? Don’t worry; I have not abandoned my blog or readers by actually carrying through with the previously threatened hiatus from males and the world of dating. No, I went out of town with the girls for the long weekend, which brings me to the topic of today’s post. Everything we do as single residents of this universe can potentially play a role in our development in the relationship crusade. What I want and what you want if you are single like me, is a date right? When we dream of this taking place, sometimes we tend to only negotiate the tip of the iceberg. It’s important however, to think deeper, to really prepare in every way to make the date a success. How does this relate to my weekend with the girls you ask? Well, what happens when you get out on the date, you’ve prepared questions to ask your man but then realize that you have nothing interesting to say about yourself! Building experiences in our lives is crucial, not only for our own enjoyment and well being, but for the development of our personality and likeability with members of the opposite sex. It’s important for us to build up a storehouse of experiences to share about ourselves that are interesting, exciting, and worthy of sharing. These experiences can portray who we are and give our men a visual of the life they will experience if they decided to further pursue our womanly offerings.

So, on with this weekend’s experiences right! Well, I took a trip with two other hot single women quickly drawing nearer my age with every passing day. Sorry girls, it’s true, despite that you still have a few years! Anyway, hanging out with other ladies of your status makes you feel less alone in this struggle toward marriage. Besides that, it’s always interesting the things that come up when you put a few girls together for several days at a time. Anyway, we road tripped down to Southern Utah and experienced the beauty of Zion National Park, the joys of Outlet shopping in St. George, and a lot of time exploring and sharing the wonders of the internet. We laughed, spent long hours in our jammies, ate lots of pizza and discussed the situation in which we now find ourselves. I would like to share a few random thoughts and weird lessons learned from each other on the trip. Number one: the topic of double dippers.

Dang the Double Dippers!!

What’s the deal with women my age and younger who get married twice before I even get a chance at it once? I’m just sayin, it doesn’t really seem fair. We all agree that they should step back and leave the good ones for us, rightly allowing us to experience the joys of marriage and all that comes with it, and then they can move on all they want. I mean, the pickins are slim as it is. We all know it’s hard to find a good man. They are out there though, I know it. It just seems like my chances might be a little better if some of the other girls would just lay off a little and do the right thing by stepping back and letting me have a turn! Okay, this is all in good humor so don’t get me wrong by thinking that I am bitter…okay, maybe just a little, haha!

Pineapple…Pineapple!

One more random thought and maybe even a lesson to be learned. While in St. George, one of our friends decided to go on a date with a guy she knows there. She doesn’t know him extremely well so we devised a plan just in case the date turned sour. The plan was that she would send us a code word if she wasn’t enjoying it and we would come and rescue her. As it turned out, she had a great time and didn’t have to use the code word, no, we had to use it on her so that she would actually leave the date and come back to us! Anyway, this code word system came in quite handy throughout the rest of the weekend. So, lesson learned: code words such as, “pineapple” are very useful for getting you out of sticky situations. Make sure to always have one when presented with a situation that you are unsure of!

Now, here I am, back in Salt Lake City and ready to take it on again, one male at a time. Watch out because I’m comin at ya full force. Tomorrow night is institute and if I go (I’m planning on it) I promise to be a little bit more successful than last week. I’m ready to walk in there with my vibe turned all the way up (If you are confused by this, read Jill’s comment on the previous post). I should have a date scheduled with Mr. Momma’s boy this week also, so definitely stay tuned for the results on this one. Meanwhile, I will keep preparing topics of conversation for the date that include learning more about him, as well as some interesting things about myself that will portray me in the light which I hope to be seen.

Success...Almost!

Walter Elliott once said, “Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.” This is how I’ve felt lately. Trying to find a man and actually get a date out of him not only takes a lot of perseverance but courage as well. The fruits of my labors are beginning to pay off however. Tonight, while innocently hanging out at my sister’s house, my phone rang. It was an unidentified number so I answered it with my formal voice. The man on the other end was formal as well, asking for me by my full name. At that point I was pretty sure it was a member of the stake presidency calling me so I replied with, “this is she.” Yes, my best formal voice continued. Wait…why would a member of the stake presidency be calling me anyway?? I don’t know, it was out there, but that was my thought process at the time. Anyway, as it turned out, it was not the older men from church wanting me to volunteer my spirituality in any way, but it was the hook up from the crazy lady I work with. Okay, it was her son and I should probably not speak of her this way, just in case she becomes my mother in law some day. Speaking of which, this is already half a deal breaker because I’ve waited around long enough that I should not have to deal with crazy in laws! Whatever though. I’m totally trying to act mature about this and not freak out inside that he is practically 40 and that his mom had to beg him to call me. So, the conversation was somewhat formal and basically just your typical, “I don’t know you but I’m talking to you on the phone,” kind of conversation. I was nice….all charm and merriment despite my inside trying not to freak out dilemma…and he asked me out for Saturday. Problem: I’m going out of town this weekend. Dang it, I finally have the opportunity to score a date, not an easy task for me apparently, and I won’t be here. I told him I would love to but would be out of town and asked if we could do it next week. He agreed and promised to call me next week to re-schedule. So, once again, I will be left here waiting. It’s what I do. In this case however, I think I am okay with that. Now that I have been somewhat negative and shared my apprehensions with you, he will probably turn out to be totally hot and amazing so yeah…just keeping an open mind here! Stay tuned because this story is to be continued…

Oops...I Did it Again

Tonight, I yet again had great intentions that were left somewhat unfulfilled. Now that school is back in session for all, more single mingle opportunities are available. I decided to take advantage of the institute of religion classes which are available all over this valley. Before leaving the house, I had a plan. The plan was to scope out each class and find the one with the most potentials for the dating pool. I arrived a little early and had the opportunity to sit in the foyer and people watch. This was good as I could spy the direction that several hotties were headed. Not a few minutes after taking my seat however, a girl I know came walking right in front of me. I stopped her to talk of course and she was also headed for class but unsure which class to join. After a quick explanation of my plan I recruited her as my sidekick. We scoped out each class dutifully and finally decided on one that could possibly have potential?? Being late to the class however, we were forced to sit on the front row. There were no available seats next to any available men so...I sat with the girl...on the front row were eyeing the possibilites was hardly an option. So, I had no choice but to sit back and try to enjoy the class and work on my spiritual growth instead. Not to worry though, a mingle is provided after the class with treats so there were still opportunities yet to be had. Our classes let out a little early so we headed down to the location of the mingle and waited patiently for other would be minglers to join us.

Shortly, the people started to come. The treats showed up (trail mix, really?) and mingling began. Now, situations such as these always present somewhat of a dilemma for me. People come in groups. Why do they come in groups? I think that having a posse gives us a sense of security and also an out. I went with the intention of going alone so that I could meet new people. The problem is, most people don't do that. To me, this tells me that they are not there to mingle but they are there for the trail mix that they didn't pick up on their last shopping trip. Meeting people has to be more than a one way act. Anyway, the dilemma is, do I force myself into their groups or wait for them to come to me? Wait...who is going to come to me when they already have the security of a posse? Whatever. Next, as I have previously mentioned...I have no approach! Tonight I came to the realization that it's hard enough for me to be there, in large gatherings with several available women who are skinnier and in my eyes, much better looking, let alone put myself out there and talk to strangers. At heart I am still a small child whose conscience is screaming, "stranger danger!"

Lesson learned: I need to feel somewhat comfortable in a situation before I extend myself even further. I want to beat myself up for not talking to anyone new but at the same time, I have to applaud that I held my head up high, walked with confidence, looked people in the eye and tried my hardest to thwart any negative comparisons between the other ladies and myself. There was a girl there in fact that when I saw her I though, "wow, she is really skinny and really pretty." I was about to wish that I looked like her when I said to myself, "she is beautiful in her way and I am beautiful in mine." I kept my head high. Honestly, that was a powerful moment for me and not something to hang my head about.

What I did accomplish: I ran into another old friend that I haven't seen in a few years. He's pretty hot actually. This gentleman is a few years older than me and a really great guy. I saw him sitting in the foyer so I approached him and ended up having a really great conversation with him. I introduced my other friend and we talked about where our lives have taken us since we last saw eachother. Now, I have never been interested in dating him but over the last couple of years, I have certainly thought of him and not ruled him out as a possibility. I'm not sure if he is dating anyone or not. Either way, if he were to ask...I would certainly not turn him down. Maybe running into him reminded him about me and now he knows that I'm here and I'm available. If nothing else, at least I talked to a hot guy this evening so it wasn't a complete failure in that regard.

Finally, I need your feedback on this blog! I have been writing every other day lately because I am busy and I love to write so my posts end up being fairly long. Some of you have mentioned this but it's who I am and the purpose of the blog is to write, to share, and to explore ideas. I'm not sure how often people are checking it and expecting a post so the question is....too much? too little? too often? not often enough?  I'm here for you...your wish is my demand. Okay, the blog is really for me and I think about it constantly but I'm happy that you are willing to let me share it with you. Anyway, I was just wondering if you had been wondering why I wasn't posting every day or if you were glad that I wasn't. Fill me in!!

Good Intentions

You know what they say about good intentions right? “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Well, let’s not be that drastic but let’s just say that today…I had some good intentions for my finding project but those intentions did not exactly become a reality. I saved my finding efforts this weekend for tonight; mostly because I had other plans and was busy the rest of the weekend. I also knew however, that there was a CES fireside tonight (a church meeting for young single adults) where there would be plenty of opportunity for scoping. Usually, I dread large single gatherings of this nature and hope to do nothing more than to blend into a wall and watch from an outside perspective. I would certainly never dare go without a complete posse of support. Tonight was the night for risks however. I’ve turned a page in my life and I’m determined to meet my goals. So, I went alone!


Almost immediately upon entering the chapel, I was looking around for the right group of guys and I found them, very near to me. The problem: they were from my ward so I already knew them. They beckoned me to come and sit with them though. I didn’t want to be rude…what was I supposed to do? So…I took the easy way out and sat with the security of well known friends. My goal before going to the fireside was just to talk to one guy…just one. Well, I didn’t exactly specify whether I knew the guy or not so in a sense, I guess you could say I met my goal, right? I know…it’s totally cheating but I gotta say, I just wasn’t feeling it today. I had a great day, don’t get me wrong, I was just totally distracted by Gentleman #1. Sundays are like that for me.

No worries, Sunday is over, it’s a new week and I’ve got two more possibilities to add to my line up. That’s right…my fabulously, fantastic friend has been doing her own searching for me and has come up with two more takers for a date with me. So, while I was a little bit of a cheater this weekend, my efforts, being the best they could be under the circumstances, were still rewarded and I have two more possibilities to chalk up for my weekend of contemplation and searching. Now, let’s just hope for an actual date soon. A real, live date…how would it be?!

4 On the Line

Waiting…every girl’s nemesis. Yet, this is my current state. I have four possibilities for a next date but nothing is happening too quickly. Is it really so hard to just get a date?? Okay, it’s always been hard for me but I feel like I’m giving it my best effort and still, no promising results. I’m not sure whether to participate in further finding methods, or to just wait a little longer to see how the situation with this small group evolves. Certainly it’s nice to have a pool of possibilities but I’m ready to move forward. Is it the men?? I feel like I am really pulling everything out of me just to get one date. And…I’m only on number two! This is the story of my life really…a story which I am trying endlessly to change.

Today, while I wait, I have been trying to catch up on my life and do a few things for myself. My goals are being neglected because I have been so behind in my work. There are a few things that have been on my mind constantly and I think that they are hindering my progress in all other areas. So, maybe today is a blessing in disguise…a day given to me for me. I’ve worked out a few times, given myself a facial and pedicure and caught up on some much needed work. As a result, I feel slightly better about the rest of my life although stressed about the status of my dating quota. Anyway, enough about me, let’s talk about these four men that keep me waiting.

Number One: Mr. Broadway. I haven’t mentioned him previously because I was writing him online but not about anything significant. In fact, the only thing that we have really discussed is “Les Miserables.” His profile name caught my eye because I recognized it as something from this play. I asked him about it, not actually hoping for any kind of response. He did however reply and we have written back and forth several times since. Now that I have found that he is willing to continue communication with me, I am trying to move the conversation to something more meaningful. I have a feeling this one may take awhile but he’s here and certainly a possibility.

Number Two: Mr. Family Man. Really, I don’t have anything else to report about this guy other than his lack of emailing skills. Really, if you are going to write a girl, respond to her when she writes you back! I am still waiting for a second response from him as he admittedly procrastinates in the area of email. I hope this isn’t a trait that is common in all of his endeavors.

Number Three: Sketchy Set-up. Another man I haven’t mentioned because mostly, I kind of forgot about him is, another set-up. This one was unsolicited however. I work with a lady who looks like she must be in her 80’s. Nevertheless, one day, she decided that she would like to hook me up with her son. She’s a nice lady and all but quite different, I’m just saying. My co-workers are often annoyed by her. She is nice to me though…mostly because she wants me to marry her son. Apparently he is 38. Okay, not the worst thing in the world but I have always leaned more toward younger men than older so this is definitely a stretch for me. Also, why is he 38, still single and needing his mother to set him up? She keeps assuring me that he will call. She said he was going to call for this weekend but he hasn’t. So…we’ll see if this guy ever decides to take his mother’s advice and give me a shot.

Number Four: Hopeful Set-up. I told you the other day about a friend of mine that responded to my plea for help in the dating genre. He assures me that his 30 year old friend is way cool. He refuses to tell me much about him because then, “we wouldn’t have anything to talk about.” Apparently he does not remember my speaking skills. Oh well. I do know that he likes baseball and his favorite team is the Cardinals. Other than his first name, this is the only info I have on him. Of all things to tell me however, this was actually pretty important. Since I have a goal to learn more about sports, I studied up today on the Cardinals…now you can ask me anything you want about ‘em! It was actually pretty fun and I learned a lot about baseball in the process so now I feel a little more fulfilled in this particular goal area. Well, he has my number so hopefully he will call soon. You will be among the first to know when he does…he sounds like a winner so stay tuned! Don’t give up on me yet…I’m trying!!

Help me, I'm...Desperate??

It’s a fine line we walk, us single girls. Young or old, we are constantly judged as being either desperate or too independent. Unfortunately I can’t exclude myself from this because I have done my fair share of judging. I know…I can be a stupid girl sometimes! Either way, nobody likes being judged. I have spent my entire life trying to avoid stereotypical behaviors relating to being labeled ‘desperate.’ At times I may even veer more toward the, ‘too independent’ side of things. Either way, the question constantly on my mind is…’how exactly am I supposed to behave when I do want marriage, it is my goal, without coming across as wanting it so badly that I repel any possibilities?’ ‘How do I live my life without becoming too intimidating for the egocentric male gender?’ It’s a real balancing act I tell ya. I can’t say that I have found any answers because, as it turns out, I am still single! My philosophy has always been to continue to make goals in my life to feel like I am moving forward so that I am not just sitting around waiting for marriage or a relationship to make me happy.

Despite my efforts to appear nonchalant on the subject, I still get reeled in by the excitement of any possible relationships. Sure I have goals in life and I’m trying my hardest to make the most of what I have but honestly, the only thing that I really, truly want out of life anymore is a family. Well, I want other things and enjoy the things I do but…you know what I mean?

Having decided to take on this challenge of dating 40 men in one year when, to be honest, I probably haven’t dated 40 men my entire life, has made me further contemplate my status in this dilemma. Don’t get me wrong, I have been on my fair share of dates, but dating has never really been my forte. Anyway, starting a blog, soliciting male attention on the internet, begging friends to set me up…it makes me wonder, am I desperate? Or am I just trying to do my part? I mean…in some ways, you have to put yourself out there. You have to try. I’m hoping that this is how I come across…not as the example of desperate which I will shortly give you. My reflection has caused some research and analysis of my situation as compared to others. Two sources have come to my aid in easing my conscience on the matter. One unlikely, and the other previously referred to. Yep…The Bachelor and Dr. Phil. I know it sounds like I watch too much reality t.v but rest assured, I’m reading Dr. Phil’s “Love Smart” and only currently follow two shows. Let’s start with the Doctor. I know I recently referred to his advice but I will probably continue to share some of his words of wisdom until I move on to a new book or learning device.

The first word of advice from the Doctor is to take a look at how much time you are spending each week on your quest to find love. He says that our time allotted to finding a life partner should be reflective of its place on our priority list. This made me feel a little better because all I’m doing now is making it more of a priority and keeping it a constant focus and goal. He also suggests that we take a look at ourselves and really try to be honest with ourselves about why we have not reached this goal. He advises that, “maybe there is something wrong with how you behave and present yourself in the eyes of the people you are trying to attract” (p. 71). Nobody likes to look at themselves this way but as he states, “you cannot change what you do not acknowledge” (p.70). Finally, he warns that, “you can’t continue to use the same behaviors and skills that haven’t worked so far and expect them to start working all of a sudden” (p. 71).

Okay, so Dr. Phil suggests some real self-reflection. This is a good reminder for me. I have to change my ways if I want to change the outcome. I’m hoping that that’s what I’m doing. More contemplation on this subject will certainly take place however, as I decipher my next move. He also describes what desperate is, which brings me to my next source: The Bachelor. More specifically, Michelle on the Bachelor. Don’t think I am going to give you a weekly update of my opinions on these ladies but I think that the best way to truly paint a picture of ‘desperate’ is to recount her behaviors. It was the first night of the show, she hadn’t really even met Jake and she was in the confessional crying, stating that, “if she didn’t get a rose, it would kill her.” Wow…pretty drastic! Having a man in our lives shouldn’t be a matter of life and death. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I am proud of who I have become and happy with my life. I would love, love, love to have love in my life but I refuse to let it take my life from me. If you didn’t see the show, see if you can at least find a clip. For some reason he kept her around but I think it’s just because he is such a nice guy.

Anyway, I think that as long as I don’t act like Michelle but I do put myself out there I’m doing alright. From what I have learned, it’s all in the attitude. “Loving smart means believing in you, your worth and your value” (McGraw, p.83). Some of the Doctor’s best advice is that, “thinking like a winner, feeling like a winner and behaving like a winner are essential to victory” (p. 81). In the midst of all the negativity that we face as women, this is quite the challenge! Every time I feel like I’m ready to rise to meet it, something happens…or doesn’t happen, to bring me back down. However, in the words of one of my favorite poems, “The Race,” the challenge in life is to “rise each time we fall.” In my case…this project is keeping me motivated to accomplish this seemingly insurmountable task. Each time I feel like it is hopeless, yet I must continue, I feel like I am blessed with some kind of reward. Sure, it’s a slow start…but things will happen! I’m still learning and trying but they will happen.

Speaking of things happening….remember how I emailed some friends about setting me up? Just as I was feeling pretty ridiculous about the whole thing, I received a reply. An old friend of mine responded with, “Ask and ye shall receive.” How appropriate! He works with a ‘pretty cool guy’ that is 30 and willing to be set up. So, hopefully I can get another date soon. I gave him my number to give to this mystery man. Now I need to research and come up with a couple of possibilities for dates. It always makes for an awkward conversation when it ends up being, “I don’t know, what do you want to do….I don’t care, what do you want to do….” To avoid this, I am going to have some suggestions prepared just in case he asks! I will keep you posted on what fun things I find to do on a date in this city and the date itself!

P.S…thanks for all of your support! I love your comments and encouragement. Keep telling your single friends to join the blog and feel free, whoever you are, to comment! I love your advice and of course, it’s always nice knowing you’re not alone!!

Me....So far in 2010

The purpose of posting my goals is to make me a little more accountable for accomplishing them. So, how have I been doing you ask? Well, so far I would say...okay but could be better. I need to really re-focus myself and try a little harder. I started back to work this week so hopefully with my regular routine back in place, I will be more likely to balance my life with the other things that are important to me. Okay, enough side-stepping of the issue. I will just confess and get it over with. I honestly haven’t touched my violin in days but from today forward I will…I will do it! I have been reading the Old Testament and you know what I figured out? There are 40 books in the Old Testament. Do you think that is any sort of coincidence? I’m pretty sure it’s a sign of sorts, the whole 40 thing. I am just as overwhelmed by it as I am by the man project. At this rate, I will be lucky to finish Genesis before the year ends. Okay, okay, I will do better. I am not a quitter! Next on my list is to take a little more initiative in the sports area. Sure I went near the Jazz game the other day and that was a start, but I think that I will study up a little more on the team and how their season has been so far. I also discussed volleyball with an online hottie the other day and soccer with another, so there’s improvement. Now…to get out there and play something!

Finally, there’s the whole, I have to lose 38 pounds soon goal. Mostly, I’ve been a little bit of a slacker but I am down one pound so that has to count for something right? I don’t know what it is with winter. I just want to eat!! That’s bad enough but I also feel too tired to work out. I feel like it is a battle that I am constantly fighting. I make myself get out there and do something most days but I don’t always end up spending a whole hour working out. No worries though, several plans are in place. Besides going to the local gym, I also have several workout videos, and on nice days, I like to get outside and walk or run. I find that switching up my routine like this not only makes working out less boring, it is also good for my body. Varying your workouts makes it so that you are working your muscles in different ways and your body doesn’t get too used to a routine. If it’s not accustomed to a routine it is more likely to burn fat…and that’s what I’m all about!

As far as my diet goes, I am not into following specific diets. I have looked at several and enjoy learning from them in different ways but at the same time, I am trying to find a way to live my life and enjoy it, without having to conform to some sort of specific diet plan. This needs to be something I can live with for the rest of my life. Anyway, on that note, I haven’t eaten any sugar in a couple of days but I did have some hot chocolate last night and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t okay. For the most part, I don’t like to deprive myself but I do try to set limits. I think that eating sugar only one day a week is a good goal for me because I am addicted to the stuff. Plus, eating it makes me feel sick. Why do we even do that to ourselves? I guess it’s the momentary pleasure of the delightful taste in your mouth! Other than sugar, I am trying to be more aware of my calorie intake and the snacks I allow myself to eat. I also carry water bottles with me everywhere I go. Drinking the amount of fluid that we are supposed to have each day actually fills you up more and makes you a tiny little bit less hungry. I have to constantly have it with me if I am actually going to make that goal. This is an area I really struggle with for some reason!

Now, on to the last goal: date 40 men! I’m feeling slightly behind but just as I was about to take a hiatus from the man scene after this weekend’s ‘incident,’ a small piece of hope returned to me in the form of an email notice telling me that I had a message from…that’s right, Mr. Family Man! It was a like a breath of fresh air after Mr. Jerkface, whom we will try not to bring up anymore. I replied to him but I’m afraid that it will yet again be several days before I receive any reply. From what I can tell, he’s not big on emailing. When he does respond however, I will suggest that we meet or at least talk on the phone because I am really not a fan of just writing some random guy every few days. Hello, I have dates to find! I can’t wait until the university starts up again so that I will have more finding options that are somewhat safer than the street corners of downtown SLC and the sleazebags online!

On Second Thought...

So, potential #2 has quickly become Mr. Jerkface (I know, I sound 2 but I was trying to keep it appropriate!) and has lost any chances he had with this fine piece of woman! My instincts about him were more than correct, let’s just say that. Thankfully, I never actually hooked up with him to see what he might pull. There is a lesson here to be learned though and I think that it’s important for every girl to know. I will get to that after I tell you what happened.

So…he got my number and then texted me in the middle of the night. He said, “Hey, U still up??” I received it at 2 in the morning so I did not respond. At a more reasonable hour I told him that I guessed I wasn’t. Anyway, later I decided to text and ask if it was him…being that he did not identify himself previously. He laughed and confirmed that it was indeed him. So I replied with, “thanks for identifying yourself in the middle of the night. I thought I had a stalker.” He proceeded to ask me what I was doing. I was honest and told him that I was making brownies and asked what he was doing. Then, the inappropriate responses began. He wanted to get together with me that night and make out and other things of that nature. I will not go into details because it makes me want to throw up. I responded with, “does this work with a lot of girls you talk to online?” He says, “lol, I’m not always super forward. I figured u could handle it since ur kinda forward too.” Are you kidding me?? Emailing him is forward? Okay whatever you want to think bro. I let him know that I am forward in a good way. He asked if there was a bad. I said, “it’s good to be confidant in yourself…forward in a dirty way, not really my thing bud.” THEN…he responded with, “well cutie, nothing wrong with (what he wanted to do) ya?” Ewww

Okay, lesson #1: I am worth more than that and deserve to be respected! I have so many things to offer a man that don’t involve my hot body! I’m not sayin a little make out doesn’t sound appealing but not at the expense of my self- respect. I am a smart woman with many talents and I deserve to be loved and appreciated for those…along with my hot bod!

Lesson #2: It is okay to stand up for yourself and demand the respect you deserve in situations such as these. This guy is the typical manipulative man whore (sorry about the language, maybe I should have put a parental warning on here!) who thinks that he has the right to be disrespectful to me and then…then, when I call him out on it, he tries to turn it on me and make it my fault. Let’s be clear here. I did not in any way say anything inappropriate to him. He turned everything I said into something it was not. I do not have to put up with that.

Lesson #3: Walk away! Sure my goal is to date 4o men, which is a lot of dating for one year. Sure I feel somewhat pressed for time. Dating pervs in the process is not my goal however. These men are not just a number for me. They are my potential future and if I don’t see that in them, there is no point in continuing any kind of relationship with them.

Lesson #4: Trust your feelings. He made me feel like crap about myself, not good. I felt like crying when he was talking to me which I’m pretty sure is not how you’re supposed to feel. I can’t help but compare that to how great I felt on my date with Gentleman #1 when he treated me like a valued woman.

Lesson #5: People are not always what they say they are. He said that he was looking for someone with intelligence and spirituality. As it turns out, he is looking for quite the opposite.

Sure these lessons may seem obvious but sometimes when you are 30 and single and feel like men are never going to be interested in you, it’s easy to think that you should take what you can get or that maybe that is all you can get. I don’t think so though. I deserve happiness and respect just as much as anyone else.

Okay…On a happier note: The Bachelor comes on tonight!! Yay Bachelor Jake! Now there is a good guy. I like watching this show and learning from it. Mostly, I learn what not to do. At the same time, it’s interesting to pick up ideas for conversation and how to approach men from these ladies. You find out what works and what doesn’t. I like to think of it as an educational endeavor!

On the Prowl in SLC

Location #1: The Gateway

Now, this journey sounds like a lot of fun on paper but in reality…it’s a lot of work! It’s hard to know where to even begin. 40 guys?? Are there even 40 single men worth dating in this town? If so, where do I begin to find them? Well, I’ve tried the internet and while that is still a work in progress, I need to explore several other avenues of meeting if I want to actually make my goal. Enter…my Saturday night activities! Are you ready for this? I knew that in lite of my new goals, I could not spend two weekend nights at home as my first instinct was to do. So, last night I begged some single friends to accompany me to the foreboding, yet waiting downtown Salt Lake City! Every girl needs a wing man, right?

Having just finished the holidays, my wallet is a little empty. Great, another challenge, as if finding a husband wasn’t enough of a challenge to last my entire lifetime of challenges! Anyway, finding something to do with no money…I did some research and made a list. I came to the conclusion that I was more likely to have something happen, anything, if I was out of my house and that meant that I had to start somewhere. So, my friend and I headed out on the long dark road to the Gateway around 7:00pm. The night started off with no let downs. The parking garages were full so when I finally found a couple leaving I decided to pull back around and wait for their spot. Upon my return to their parking stall, I  found them not leaving, but goin at it in their truck. I backed up a little to give them some privacy and I think they must have seen me because they finally decided to leave. Probably best anyway.

Well, going to the Gateway last night turned out to be a jackpot of an idea. It killed two birds in one stone because guess what…there was a Jazz game last night! If you recall, one of my goals is to follow our local sports. So, I figured that even though I didn’t go to the game, being near the Jazz game, makes me automatically a little wiser on the subject. I felt completely prepared to approach any guy at church today and say, “so…how about that jazz game?” I mean, I know they lost…that’s certainly a start.

Okay, back on subject. The local basketball team is the Utah Jazz and there are a lot of male fans of basketball that go to these games. Since the Gateway is right across the street from the venue where the Jazz play, there were all kinds of wandering hotties on the streets of downtown Salt Lake City…or at least near the Gateway where I was. My friend and I worked several of the corners planning our moves and scoping out the potential. As it turned out…the pickings were actually a bit slim. I had a goal however and that was to at least talk to some men. So…what did I do? (First of all, don’t put anything past me. I’m a weirdo and crazy ideas come naturally to me.) Well, there was a group of men, who looked fairly respectable, working the valet parking. So I approached them and began to ask them about the special skills necessary to perform such a job, etc. The thing is, when I was within speaking range with them, I could see them a little better. Remember, it was dark out and I also didn’t have my glasses on (I was trying to look pretty). This is a detrimental combination when the object of my designs is to find a good lookin man to date. Anyway, as it turned out, they weren’t much to look at. When they began to speak, I also realized why they were in this line of work…it doesn’t really require great speaking skills. While it was fun and all and I practiced my approach, in the end, all I got was a number for some guy named Buzz. Seriously, doesn’t anyone have a normal name anymore?? Buzz, Yofo, Skip…

Well, the main thing that I learned from this little outing was that I don’t even know how to approach guys. In my head everything seems like it’s going to go really well, then I get out there and look like a fool. The point though is that I was out there. I was not at home and I’m sure with more practice I will get better at this. AND…someday, maybe a man will actually approach me. Hmmm, there’s a nice idea!


Some Updates
On that note, some people have requested for an update on some of my online lovers. I’m not sure where Mr. Family man is…maybe with his family. I wrote him back what I thought was a pretty witty response to his “just wanted to say hi,” but maybe it was too creative for him…who knows? I’ve continued to ignore the weirdos and have made some progress in the invitations to date me! Haha…okay, I usually don’t just say “do you want to date me?” I write much more creative emails than that. So…I have had a few write backs and last night….wait for it….I actually got a request for my number! I had written this guy back and forth a few times and then I whipped out the, “you should hang out with me” line.Wow, it totally worked. He said, “okay, what’s your number?” He even looked at my profile so whew!! I didn’t get his response until late though so I gave him my number in the middle of last night. We'll see what happens this week.

Pretty exciting for sure. He’s definitely potential #2. As for long term potential however…I’m really not sure. I’m actually pretty sure he just wants to make out with me. Remember my issues with online dating?? Yeah. I am so torn though because it’s not every day that a hot guy wants to make out with a 30 year old girl. I gotta take it where I can get it, ya know? Okay…don’t even worry about me. I’m smarter than that. But still…

Finally…all is right in the world again!! Yep, gentleman #1 finally decided to make an appearance church today and he even smiled at me and said hi. We joked around for a minute and it was great. Whew…now I feel like things can get back to how they were before, when we were at least friends. It feels fabulous! I feel like a dark cloud has finally been lifted off of me. It’s probably a good thing he didn’t show up until this week anyway since my brother was with me last week and stared down another guy (who he mistakenly thought was this one) with a look of death. That’s right, he’s got my back! Anyway, gentleman #1 is a good guy and I have no hard feelings toward him. I know that I have to forgive him for hurting me but it’s not something that he set out to do or even necessarily knows that he has done. This is something that I have to just do for myself, without his knowledge. Meanwhile, I hope that we can be friends!

In Reflection...

You are dying to hear some updates on my week aren’t you? Okay then, I guess it’s time. Let’s start with last night and then move back from there.

The Party

Well, the party turned out to be….not much of a party. Even still, I had a great time. Only 5 of us showed up but for me, this was an ideal hangout. Okay, maybe not ideal for my ultimate goal or this experiment per se, but come on, everyone needs a break from time to time right? This manhunting is exhausting! As it turned out, I still got out of my house and didn’t spend the evening with the parents. I practiced my Rock Band skills which really are non-existent but can be useful for situations such as these. Also, I see any social situation as an opportunity to hone my skills at conversing and mostly….trying not to make a fool of myself in front of other people! Anyway, good times at the party….no perspective dating opportunities. Oh well, we tried.

The Internet

Yep, I am talking about the internet again. Well, I have definitely received some interesting messages from Skip and some guy who calls himself YoFo. Hmmm, this is very reflective of the kind of men I get in real life. Is it me?? Okay, maybe I should tell you more about them. They are what we call, “interesting.” I don’t mean this in a good way either. Let’s just look at Skip for example. He writes me a message that looks like this:

“A
Are you timid
shy
outgoing
affectionate
spontaneous
?
Skip”

Then, a few days later he writes, “Are you or I?” What does this all mean anyway? He professes to be some sort of teacher of small children, poor kiddos! Anyway, as far my endeavors go, I have had a few responses. I honestly think I have written 20-50 guys at least though. The few who have responded only did so until they looked at my profile. So…they think I’m funny and then they see my picture. I guess it’s time for new pics?? I did just get a short email from a half normal looking male however, so we’ll see if it goes anywhere. He is divorced with children though…something I have been avoiding. Oh well, I think I’ll keep an open mind on this one and just see what happens.

As for the rest of my week, I’m still reading the books and mostly just enjoying hangin out with the fam during the holidays. I’ve had some good workouts which help me feel better about life and keep me sane. I think it’s really important to do things for myself often to help me just feel good about who I am and the way I look (even if the guys online are obviously blind and dissin my profile pics!!).

One more thing…if you are reading, I would love for you to be my follower and I always love your feedback and comments so keep ‘em coming! It’s nice to know that I am writing this for more than just myself…even though that’s fun too. Tell your friends about the blog and spread the love…the more the merrier! Thanks for your support so far, you make me really want to do this, even when it seems impossible! Don’t forget to keep reading to find out what happens with Mr. Family Man…