People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Experts Say...

You know the movie, “Hitch?” It’s all about dating and doing it the right way. In the beginning, as Hitch narrates the story of what’s to come, he says, “basic principles...” and then goes on the list the things that you should do to score a relationship. In the end of the movie he comes back to this line and says, “Basic principles: there are none.” What works for some may not work for others. The awkward guy in the movie ended up with a beautiful woman that appreciated him for who he was. I’m seriously praying for a similar miracle. I mean, it happened in the movie, it can totally happen for me! It seems like no matter what I know to be right and wrong, when it counts, I always say the wrong things. I guess that’s why this project is good for me but I feel like I’m going to eventually run out of guys and still be the awkward girl that I am. Either way, I am doing my best to be aware of my flaws and to better control them and work the dating scene a little more effectively. I have a long way to go! My research continues however, and I am determined to make noticeable progress. That said, my latest advice comes from the book, “Crash Course in Love.” Have you ever seen the VH1 show called, “Tough Love?” The guy who hosts the show (Steve Ward) wrote this book. He and his mom are experts in the love field and call themselves professional matchmakers. Wow, what a job! Anyway, they say it like it is without holding anything back. I wish they were here to coach me on my dating but they’re not, so I will just rely on the general advice that they give in their book.

The first section of the book covers dating. It contains all sorts of fun facts on this topic. For my purposes, I would say that this part of the book is most relevant, so what I will be posting now will mainly come from this section. Early on in the book, Mr. Ward shares what he calls, the Michael Jordan rule. It states that, “You will miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take” (p.19). This is the first thing to remember in dating and a rule that I know try to keep in mind as I peruse the crowds of single men waiting to meet me. Seriously, how many times can you think back in your life to missed opportunities. I know I have plenty more than I would like to. We are adults now though. No one else is going to do the work for us. Mr. Ward says that “you have to be confident enough to close the physical gap between you and casually ask an innocent question.” His favorite is, “Are you single? No matter what the response is, you should always say politely and cutely, ‘well you shouldn’t be’” (p.18). So, my new goal is not to let opportunities pass me by. There are eligible men everywhere, it’s true. I’ve seen ‘em, I just like to deny it and pretend that there aren’t sometimes. It gets me off the hook. Anyway, taking a shot certainly moves me closer to the direction I want to go than just standing by on the sidelines while everyone else scores repeatedly.
Once we meet the men, the next challenge is getting your flirt on right? Sometimes it is for me. Other times it comes naturally. Either way, Mr. Ward gives a few tips to remember when you’re trying to send out a positive vibe. He suggests 5 key things to do when flirting:
1. Smile

2. Make eye contact.

3. Flatter

4. Take Charge (Take the conversation where you want it to go. If you want him to call, give him your number. If you want to call him, ask for his.)

5. Act gracefully (If he’s unavailable or uninterested, maintain your poise and just pretend you never started flirting in the first place.)
Great tips! These should be easy enough to remember as well. Okay, besides flirting, you have to make an impression. Whether we like it or not, much of this impression has to do with our looks. Steve says, “Make sure the image you project reflects how you want to be perceived.” He also warns that, “It’s nearly impossible to change someone’s perception if you make a bad first impression” (p.50-51). His tips for making a great first impression besides looking your best are to:
1. Smile

2. Listen

3. Focus (Be present. Don’t play with your phone or have your hands in your pockets.)

4. Be positive (Be open. Be agreeable. Dating is a great opportunity to broaden your horizons and experience things you haven’t had the opportunity to experience before.)

5. Be sexy (Sexy to a man means confident, fun, and approachable.)

Some final advice from the Wards on dating, “Never be neutral. You should have opinions. You don’t have to be argumentative, but always agreeing with a man is not going to make him more attracted to you. Dating a woman who always agrees with you is boring” (p.28). It’s all about getting in the door right? Once I find one that is normal that I can get in the door with, I will need to focus more on keeping that door open. For now however, these are some helpful bits of advice to remember as I plan my next finding strategies.


Christine said...

Great advice!!! I'm excited to hear more :) You're doing great at those steps you mentioned, we could all use a little less awkwardness in our lives!

Livin it up said...

Thanks friend!