People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The News...

I hate stupid girls. The end. Just kidding, about it being the end, not about hating stupid girls. So, I wrote Hopeful #4 a little email yesterday. I said a lot of things that made me scared but that I felt like I needed to say to him. Mostly, I made it clear that I want to date him. I’ve never done this before! Seriously, I haven’t. There’s a first for everything I guess and I decided that if there was any time in my life to be honest, now was it. He has obviously been through too much crap in the past to mess around. You have to be careful what you say to men…especially when you are just getting to know them. I think that what you can and can't say differes with each circumstance though. Anyway, that’s why I was scared to write what I did. I thought long and hard about it for a few days however, and I felt like I said what I needed to say…that it was the right thing to do. My life since pushing the send button has been a constant battle. I know I did the right thing but I’m freaking out, wondering how he will react; I’m biting my fingernails…I don’t bite my fingernails and they’re not even long enough to bite! When I was in grad school which I completed online, every time we would submit an assignment, a little box would always pop up that said, “are you sure you want to submit this assignment?” It was the worst thing ever but last night, I wished that facebook would have asked me if I was sure. At the same time, maybe it was better to stop questioning and just send it.

Anyway, tonight the waiting was over. He replied. He replied with a response that was to be expected. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but definitely not the worst thing either. It was what was expected. The reason it was expected is because he was honest with me in the first place. And let’s be honest now, he doesn’t know me that well so I can’t just break down all his walls after one night where I was a little bit shy and did not fully demonstrate my personality capacity! I have one…he just doesn’t know it yet. All I had to rely on was my good looks which apparently didn’t do the trick. And why would they, he has his hot self to look at every day. What more does he need? Just kidding. Are you dying to know what he said yet? I won’t share all of it because it’s kind of personal but here is part of it:

“It was fun to have someone show interest in me. It really was pretty cool to tell people that someone who doesn't even know me had the guts to ask me to get to know them. We will be friends.” “Thanks for going out on a limb. That takes a lot of guts."

That was nice. He told me that he is not ready to date. I’m glad that he is willing to be friends though and that he admires my guts and doesn’t think that I’m a crazy stalker! Also, he is apparently talking about me to his friends so maybe that’s a good thing too. At least I am not forgettable!

Now…what does this have to do with stupid girls? Well, I know I don’t know him super well but I kinda feel like I do. I think it’s because I have researched him for quite some time and some of my favorite people in the whole world know him and recommended him to me, telling me more about him. I also feel like I am a good judge of character and I can tell that he is a really good guy. That said, how could anyone let him go and hurt him the way they did? Not only did they steal a good guy in the first place, taking him off the market, but they screwed him up, assuring that he would be unavailable to the rest of us for a long, long time. These are worse than the double dippers! I don’t know what she did but I gotta say, I’m not her biggest fan right now. Why don’t things ever work out for me??? I’m really glad he is willing to be friends and I’m going to take that and be grateful for it and hope that as he gets to know me…someday he will be willing to remove some walls. In the meantime, I have to keep trying at my other goals so I’ve got to get back out there and find #5…any takers???


Christine said...

I don't think anyone's good looks could brake down #4s walls. Please remember that you're seriously beautiful!

Livin it up said...

Thanks Christine! I really hope that is the case. I hate to think that it's just me...that I wasn't good enough, ya know? I want him to get to know who I am though. Then we will really see.

Anonymous said...

I say bring on lucky guy #5!! See ya #4!!

Livin it up said...

Haha, I'm working on it! Just realizing that my finding efforts have been somewhat lacking the past couple of weeks because I had dates. I thought I had others lined up but I don't. I'll get right on that!