The Story of My Life...Today

So here’s what’s happening for me in the man scene and the rest of my life right now. Wow, for starters it has been a tough week. For the most part I try to avoid being bitter but this week was a party in self pity for me. I had a huge set back in my self esteem and general progress in life. Sometimes it’s like your thoughts just attack you from every bad angle, ya know? I started questioning my purpose in life right now and my ability to fit in where I am at. It was so silly really but I’ve emerged from the dark depths of self deprecation and I’m ready to be human again! I’m also ready to get back on this man hunt wagon and move forward with my life. Just as a side note though, moving on with my life doesn’t require a man, it just so happens that this is my current project in life so that is what I am referring too. I can move forward with or without them if that is what I am supposed to do. I’d really like one though!!


Here’s what I’m doing to add a little meaning to my life and hopefully create another venue for meeting people. I’ve decided that it’s time to explore the many vast volunteer opportunities that Salt Lake City has to offer. Did you know there are so, so many? I was doing some research this morning and found countless ways to help people. Some of them require more time than others. There is one thing that I was really interested in that I would like to sign up for on a regular basis. I emailed a lady named Bunnie about it so when I find out more information, I will fill you in. There are other things that I would like to serve at here and there as well. How fun to be able to help people out! It’s going to be just what I need right now, I can tell.

Other than that, my week has seriously been full of ups and downs in the man department. Sunday I was so happy about my man friends but then as I mentioned, I started questioning my fitting in with them because they are so young. I wondered if I was just making a fool of myself. The last couple of days have been better though. One of those men is Gentleman #1 and yes, he is quite a bit younger than me. Sometimes I feel silly about this even though I can think of a million reasons why it should be okay. Let me just tell you a few. First of all, women typically live longer than men so why not marry a younger guy so that you have more time here together. Secondly, this life is such a short time in the eternal perspective that age difference on Earth shouldn’t matter too much in the larger scheme of things. Just a few things to contemplate.

With that in mind, last night I hung out with Gentleman #1 and his friend. We were going to play basketball. I practiced for about a half an hour on my own before they finally showed up. By that time other people were arriving at the church and were going to use the gym so we were kicked out. We hunted for another church for quite some time and then decided to drive to Tooele. I was driving and we went out to Grantsville and then Tooele and all over the place on some back roads and things. It was pretty fun, despite Gentleman #1 playing with everything in my car such as my wipers, flashers, steering wheel, and horn. That was nice of him to help me drive like that. Haha. Anyway, I feel like I got to know them better and we were able to laugh and have a good time.

This morning I went to meet some people from church to go running. We decided to start a running group. One of the guys showed up with a soccer ball and he and Gentleman #1 went off to play that, so I joined them. I love soccer! I played when I was young. Anyway, the girl who headed up the running activity joined us after awhile and she and the other guy played against Gentleman #1 and I. We totally kicked trash. It was so fun!! Then we were so, so tired so we just fell over on the grass. While the other two went out for some more torture, Gentleman #1 and I just hung out on the grass and talked awhile. It was so, so great! Ugh, I know that I need to get over it and in your head you are thinking, “he’s just not that into you.” Yeah, I’ve seen the movie and the book is in my possession. I know it, it’s just easier said than done. He is so cute and fun and weird in a way that is weird like me so I like it! Well, I guess that brings us to this very minute when I am writing this post so it’s time to put this on the blog and share it with the world. Thanks for stopping by to peek into my personal life!

What About Me?

After a few months of thought and revision about my goals, I think that I have found what works best for me in the diet area. I had a few set-backs and my weight has fluctuated between the same couple of pounds for quite some time. I’m ready for it to just go down already! Anyway, as I mentioned previously, I like to take things from different places and learn what I can about being healthy. I’m pretty skeptical about most diets but I think that after quite a bit of research and education in the area, I’m fairly confident in my ability to discern between healthy and unhealthy. I also previously blogged about a diet book that I just read that is not really a diet book. It is titled, “The Gabriel Method.” I decided to give some of its principles a try despite the fact that what I had been doing for the last year was working for me. Suddenly I became confused and wanted to alter my diet because I thought that it would fit in better with my lifestyle over a longer period of time…like my whole life. Sometimes I struggle with the fact that my weight battle is a life-long endeavor. Anyway, I’m trying to make it livable.

After going nowhere with my weight loss goals, I have recently decided to figure out how to incorporate the ideas in The Gabriel Method with what I was already doing. I listed what I was doing on the sidebar but some of those things have changed slightly. For starters, I drink as much water and liquid as I can, but I don’t always get in 64oz. In fact, I rarely do. I just have a hard time drinking and I also seem to posses the smallest bladder on earth. It’s something unique about me. Anyway, I drink when I can. As far as multi-vitamins go, I am more selective about what I take. I usually have an Omega 3 every day, a Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc pill daily and something that Jon Gabriel suggested was taking a probiatic. This last one I purchased at the health food store for quite a large sum of money but I’m pretty sure it works wonders with me. What is it? It is something that helps you use the nutrients in your food. Most of our food is really lacking in nutrients and the reason we always feel hungry is because we don’t get our nutrients. This little pill of wonders just helps you to better digest your food and use it.

About the food, I haven’t been the greatest but have decided to go back to once a week with my sugar. It’s all I need really. Of course, if occasion permits, then I sometimes cheat during the week. I’m trying to be better though. Since our food lacks nutrients, I’m trying to go a little more organic. I have started with some produce, like organic bananas. I also buy farm-fed chicken eggs with omega 3 and less hormones in them. They are more expensive but better for me. I like the fact that my body is getting a little more of what I need and less of what I don’t need!

Aside from dieting, I also like to work out. Okay, some days I like to work out. Not all days! Most of the time I just go to the gym and do about 45 minutes of cardio and some weight lifting, mostly focused on my upper body where most of my fat likes to hang out. I’m what you called a ‘tomato on toothpicks’ shape when I get fat. Anyway, some days I also go for walks with my mom in the neighborhood. Some days I am just tired and lazy and do nothing…that is okay! I try not to make a habit of not doing anything but I don’t want to kill myself by forcing myself to have to work out 6 days a week for at least an hour. I try to get in good workouts when I can, which is most days. Relieving some of the stress also helps. I hate feeling guilty about not making my goals so I had to make them more attainable.

Finally, a little piece of the Jon Gabriel Method that I have incorporated is his meditation CD. You are supposed to listen to this when you are going to sleep at night. You can download it for free off of his website. I listen to it a lot of nights. It’s just about relaxing and visualizing your weight loss and things like that. It certainly can’t hurt right? For me I feel like it even helps. Sometimes I am okay with the way I look and other times I am so envious of the really skinny people. I need to be okay though, in case I am stuck here forever! Just kidding, I will lose some more…just not sure how much.

Oh, and one more thing. I have been feeling totally off this game this week and crappy about myself. I think it’s time for some intervention! Next week I have an appointment to get my hair cut…always a self-esteem booster. I think I will schedule a facial at the spa as well. My mom and I gave this to each other for Christmas so we are going to go together. Seems like good therapy to me! And if you know where #6 is hiding, please let me know! Thank you very much.

Seeking in Salt Lake City

Location: Speed Dating

Have you been wondering what I did last night to find some new men in this town?? Well…I tried speed dating! I have seriously been considering it for quite some time but was unsure of where to go to find this type of activity here in Salt Lake City. However, a friend of mine recently informed me of an upcoming speed dating activity happening with her church where several people were invited. They were expecting about 200 people. I was pretty excited because I knew that I would be meeting men of my own faith, which is important to me, but I would still be able to try the elusive activity known as speed dating. They always portray it in movies as something for desperate people but I think that it could be an efficient way to meet a lot of potential men. So, I decided to give it a try.

Before leaving for the dating/finding event, I had planned all day on getting ready for the evening by being on my game and by looking fabulous of course. It was just one of those days though; you know the kind that you just don’t feel like doing anything?? The day seemed to drag on and on and by the time I finally arrived home from work, I was so tired that I did not want to do my planned work out and then get cute. Instead, I ate a lot of food and took a nap! Ah, the good life. By the time I was supposed to be getting ready, I had to really find the will power deep within me to do something with myself to look presentable and to try and find a happy face hidden somewhere deep inside my frown. I did what I could and off I went.

Don’t get me wrong, I was totally excited about the event. I had planned in advance for it. I remembered reading in Dr. Phil’s book that you should create a 30 second sound bite about yourself. This is something that you can use when you meet people for the first time. It’s good to have something to say. I figured that this would come in handy for an event like this, so I came up with a good introduction for myself and had it running through my head all day in preparation. I’m not sure why the day left me tired and grumpy, but it did. Still, I’m glad I got myself out the door to do something.

Okay, back to the part about meeting mass amounts of men. When we first arrived on location, there weren’t a whole lot of people hangin’ around. I was a little worried. It did not take long for the place to fill up however. Good sign. I was nervous though. I looked around sizing up the competition and realized that I had just thrown myself into one of the biggest meat markets ever. I felt uncomfortable and slightly awkward. I had to keep these feelings in check and shake ‘em off so that my ‘date me’ vibe could shine through. Finally, it was time to begin. They told us where to go and sit, so my friend and I went and sat down hoping it would get everyone else started doing the same thing. Mistake number one. There were several lines of chairs facing each other and as they began to fill up, it was only sporadic in location, with several empty chairs in between. I looked down the row that we had chosen and felt increasing regret as I assessed the incoming flow of men. Not good!

As we began, I had no one sitting in front of me. Finally a brave young man came and took his seat opposite me. That was nice of him but young he was. I later found out in fact, that he was only 19…yikes. I feel like a child molester! Don’t worry, we didn’t exchange any info and any physical contact was completely unsolicited and accidental. Okay, next. Next we have the 30 year old weird, weird man. He didn’t say much. He smiled. He looked creepy. He had an unnecessary comb over; you know the kind where the part begins down at their ear but they have so much hair that in the long run it just ends up all poofy (could be his lack of product)? Unfortunately they were still figuring out how to run this thing and had no way to tell us when to rotate, therefore me and mister smiley had to chat for quite some time. I carried the conversation as I’m pretty sure he has never spoken to a girl in his life. In fact, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t spoken to many people besides his mother. The end.

Next…I’m not sure who was next, but I’m pretty sure it was the guy who didn’t have a name tag on the front of him. The first thing I did was ask him if he was too good for a name tag. Then he proceeded to whip out what he thought was a pretty manly move, where he turned his upper body to show me his name tag on the back of his shoulder. Somehow he felt that this was some way to flex and show his so-called muscles. Even after I inadvertently rolled my eyes and pointed out to him that I rolled my eyes, he continued to try his flexing moves to show some sort of hidden muscle beneath his womanly cardigan. He was bigger alright, but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t muscle. He was definitely no Hercules. The line continued on from there, one after another. Short and balding, over-zealous military man, the guy who farted when he walked past me earlier, etc., etc.

Apparently luck was not on my side at this event. I didn’t find one instance where I felt like using the sound bite I had prepared. What I did get out of it however, was a sore throat from yelling over everyone else, just like I do for work all day. I carried just about every single conversation, further increasing my annoyance at men who do not take initiative. Sometimes I’m just tired of being the one to make all of the effort. I will continue though…I have to if I want to find success. It just gets old sometimes.

As a whole, it seems like the event could have been put together a little more efficiently. Oh well, it was good practice getting out there, learning to deal with creepy guys, or to talk to them anyway, and to step out of my comfort zone and enter the meat market without completely losing my sense of self. I kept my composure. One of my guy friends told me afterward that he waited until most other people were seated, and chose his destination from there. He was smart and scoped it out first. Well, lesson learned, next time I try speed dating, I will not be the first to sit down. Realization: none of the hot guys that were scoping wanted to sit in my row. Story of my life!

I Love Men!

Yep, it’s true, I really do. I am grateful for my man friends. I don’t know what it is about them but, they are just different to talk to and fun to hang out with. They come up with crazy things to talk about or to do, and mostly I just love getting attention from them! Haha…everyone needs a little male attention from time to time right? Also, it’s nice to be able to have light shed on the male species in a non-threatening setting, you know what I mean? When you are just friends, it’s easy to see into their world, learn how to converse with them, and learn what it is that you do that will get their attention. I am good at being friends with guys. I think we have established this already. Bring it on #4; I can be your friend any day. It’s the dating part that I’m not so good at. Anyway, I had a good day yesterday, talked to Gentleman #1 and his friends quite a bit, as well as the rest of the guys at church. They are fun friends that usually get me laughing so, good times! Hopefully we will be playing basketball later this week which will allow me to not only hang out with them, but to work on my goal to be more involved with sports.


In the long run however, I’m not looking for friends; I’m lookin’ to get married! I totally had a dream last night that I went to the temple and there were brides EVERYWHERE. I was a little annoyed. The place was overrun with them. Don’t worry though, I wasn’t one of them. I was on the sidelines looking in. They all seemed to have some sort of catastrophe happening. Oh well, their problem.

Anyway, what I was getting at is that I have a fun finding plan scheduled for tonight so make sure you check in tomorrow to find out what it is and how it went. I’ll give you a small hint about it. I have never done it before but I have seen it done in movies. It’s something that I have been wanting to try for a long time. You intrigued? Good…then stayed tuned because I am on the prowl for #6. I haven’t heard back from #5 so I’m moving on. Seriously, how does one get a second date?? Been a mystery my whole life I guess. I’ve been on very few. Okay, Nice Guy and Superman would have taken me out again I’m sure, but how do you get a second date from a guy you’re actually interested in? I’m going to keep working on that and let you know later. Wish me luck tonight because I am tired and feeling nothing even remotely close to a vibe. I must find my inner vibe…I must!!!

Man #5

Sit back, relax, grab a snack because I have a story to tell. Wow. Let me start with earlier in the day, before the date was to take place. I decided to show this guy that I was nice and would work with him a little. I felt bad for having him drive so far, so when I texted him with my address I mentioned this, and that I would be happy to meet him somewhere closer. He was very grateful for the suggestion and took it. We decided to meet at Olive Garden. Obviously the one we went to is not that close to my house; it’s on the other side of town. Keep that in mind. Okay, I spent the rest of the day just preparing…making sure to get my work out in, studying up on the Cardinals, and making myself pretty.

As I was about to arrive at the prearranged destination, I received a text from Man #5 declaring that he would be 10-15 minutes late. He apologized and all was well. I called him upon my arrival to see if he wanted me to go in and get us a place in line because the place looked busy. As I did so, I got my special little buzzer to tell me when our table was ready and joined the crowd of other hungry socialites waiting for a seat. I glanced up and guess who I saw only a few feet in front of me?? That’s right, it was Not So Super Man #3. Yikes!!

I totally dissed him the other day and there he was right in front of me. He appeared to be on the phone and I decided that was probably a good idea, so I stepped out between the double doors and called my sister with the news. How awkward! He was watching me because every time I looked inside, I felt and saw his eyes on me. I was a little creeped out. Finally he decided to make his way out to where I stood, lonely and waiting…but on the phone. Don’t even worry though the part about me being on the phone did not stop him from trying to talk to me. Finally I had to say goodbye to my sister and talk to this man who does not get subtle hints; nor obvious ones.

The conversation was unsurprisingly slightly awkward. He asked AGAIN if I bought him anything while out shopping last weekend. I told him I bought things for the house. He related to me that he was waiting for a date that he had been set up on. Then he proceeded to ask if I was meeting family or friends or what. I said, “yeah, I’m meeting a friend.” Then I just came out with the truth and told him my friend had set me up. Just when I was pretty sure this couldn’t get any more uncomfortable for me, I was saved by his buzzer. That’s right…he was buzzed. He was a little flustered because his date hadn’t showed up yet but off he went. I hope for his sake (not hers) that she did show up. Poor guy. Poor me. I prayed and prayed for Man #5 to show up because Not So Superman said, “are you my setup?” Ewww no! He was hoping I guess. I was not.

Anyway, just as I was verging on complete breakdown, in walks Man #5, only a half an hour late. First impression: he looks a lot like one of my older brothers; a mix between him and Chris Farley. Still, I approached him, gave him a hug and dove right into conversation. It was pretty good. We didn’t have much problem talking at all. Once we were seated we continued to converse quite well. Next impression: not only does he look like my brother and Mr. Farley, he has very similar mannerisms and temperament. Don’t get me wrong, I love these men; I just hadn’t ever considered dating them. So, I wasn’t really attracted to him but he was nice. I didn’t mind talking to him, for the most part. Oh, and when we talked about baseball, he was totally impressed by my Cardinals knowledge. I threw a couple of facts in there so smoothly you all would have been so proud. His eyes seriously lit up when I threw ‘em out and he got all excited. Then when he asked if I watch baseball, I felt really bad because I don’t. I was just cheating! Oh well, it was still fun to catch him off guard like that!

Overall, the food was good, the conversation wasn’t too bad, and he was gentlemanly enough. He was quick to grab the check when it came which was nice of him. After we ate, we sat and chatted for awhile longer until the conversation finally winded down. At that point we walked outside, talked a little more, and then he walked me to my car. As it turns out, we both drive the same brand of car. When he mentioned this I thought, ‘oh…he is the first guy that doesn’t drive a truck. That’s too bad.’ Oh well, I can forgive him! He gave me a hug and sent me on my way.

Once again I know I’m not supposed to judge from just the first date but if I’m being honest…can I see myself with him? No. Would I go out with him again if he asked? Yes. I would be happy enough to give him another shot. I just honestly think that we are different, despite him agreeing with me about everything I said. I realize now why the experts say not to do that with men…it really is kind of boring. Anyway, he was really nice and seemed like a pretty good guy so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how this one plays out.

On The Horizon...

I’ve been holding out on you. That’s right I have date #5 tonight!! So, the other day this guy called me. Remember a long time ago when my friend said he worked with a pretty cool guy that is 30, single, and willing to be set up? Well, that guy FINALLY called! He’s the one who likes baseball and that’s all I know about him…or knew until he called. We talked for over 40 minutes on the phone so I know that we can converse okay. He lives kind of far away but he’s coming to pick me up for dinner tonight nonetheless. He seems pretty cool but I really hate to make any judgments before I meet him in person. My google searches have been unfulfilling on this one so I guess we’ll just have to wait until tonight. Meanwhile, I’m actually going to study my questions, come up with more for him since we’ve already talked, and read up on what’s going on in the sports world because he’s a fan.

Other Updates:

Well, I haven’t heard from #4 in awhile. He doesn’t get online that often and is probably trying to avoid me, I don’t know. Not so Superman texted me the other day. I was nice and texted back a few times but when he asked me what I bought him while I was out shopping, I knew I had to draw the line and cut that conversation right there. I haven’t mentioned Gentleman #1 in awhile. He’s great. We talk all the time. I think that we are better friends now, since we went out. That’s all it is though and I’m okay with that now. He’s a fun kid and I like being his friend.

As for you…I am SOOO proud of my friends! I keep hearing success stories of several of you putting yourselves out there and taking chances. That makes me so happy. We can do this! All of us!! And those of you who have already achieved this seemingly insurmountable task of finding a husband/spouse…we appreciate your support. Well, wish me luck tonight and pray that he’s not a real weirdo!!

The Institute Saga Continues...

Despite the fact that most of you did not comment, I still knew before setting out on my way to Institute last evening that you were holding me accountable, waiting in anticipation for a full report of the night’s events. With that in mind, I picked up my friend and with determination in my step, I set out for institute. Class was great as always. My teacher is such an inspiration to me…so perfect for me in my life right now. I’m glad that I found her and have the opportunity to learn from her each week. Looking around my class, I didn’t find too many prospects for #5 so I thought I would just wait for the treats and visiting afterward.


Speaking of the mingle, it consisted of…food, boys, friends, hunting, and bold acts of courage. Let’s start with the food then, shall we? Tonight they served up rice crispy treats and hot chocolate. After my weekend of dieting purely on sugar, I decided that I needed to put my health plan back in place this week, and that sugar once a week would suffice plenty for my future needs. Therefore, the treats this week were sadly unacceptable for me. Oh well, what can you do?

As I stood around with my friend taking in the scene before me, the prospects were pretty undesirable. My friend decided to take the first leap and talked to a boy who slightly resembled your stereotypical serial killer. I know, she’s a bold and brave woman. Almost as soon as he opened his mouth she wished she had been a little more shy. I didn’t join the conversation and saw almost immediately that I needed to separate myself from this catastrophe. I left the room in search of other mingling opportunities. All I came up with in the end however, was my friend, who had found a way to ditch the creepy guy, and another friend who had just showed up.

After perusing the room several times, I was beginning to feel desperate. I made a goal; I promised you that I would do it! I had to talk to at least one guy, even though my goal was two. I saw a lone man near my group of girls. We exchanged several glances. For quite some time I contemplated my move. He was half way between us and the treats. I finally decided to sacrifice one goal for another and headed for the hot chocolate to break away from the safety of my girl group and talk to the lone man. Almost immediately upon breaking from the group, I realized that my sacrifice was going to be in vain. He had apparently decided that he had waited long enough and took off in the same direction I was headed. I didn’t want to run after him calling out, “WAAAAIIIIT!!” He was too far in front of me. The only thing for me to do was to obtain the hot chocolate and circle the entire group once again, hoping for someone I had missed.

When nothing new caught my eye, I returned to my circle of friends, dejected, depressed, and discouraged. I knew however, that I could not admit defeat just yet. When I set my mind to something and determination moves me, there is no stopping me. Just as I was contemplating what to do and considering (only slightly) accepting defeat, a fairly good-looking guy came, dropped off his Ensign right by where I stood, and left just as soon as he came, to play the great sport of basketball. I could not even get one word out. His friend then came and dropped off his Ensign as well.

A thought, a crazy thought, entered my mind. What if I wrote him a note in his Ensign?? I ran it past my friends who thankfully didn’t think (or at least didn’t express aloud) that I was too crazy. So I finally decided to take a leap and do it. Just as I was about to however, my old friend that I had run into the first week came by. We chatted with him for quite awhile. As we did so, the room emptied out significantly. Yikes, what was I supposed to do….he could totally see me stalking his Ensign now. I decided to take my chances anyway and write a quick note. Wow…just in time too. As soon as I put the pen down, suddenly he and his friend appeared, right there. I just walked away into the hall. My friends stayed and watched him though (where were they when they were supposed to be keeping a look-out for me?? Apparently we forgot to establish a code word for when they (the guys) reached close proximity…oh well). As it turned out, I had the Ensigns mixed up. His friend said, “I put my Ensign under yours.” Dang it!!! Wrong guy! And as my friend pointed out, what if it’s his mother’s Ensign?? I hope some mom doesn’t call me up wondering why I wrote in her Ensign, “Hey, I wanted to talk to you but you were playing basketball,” signed with my name and phone number. I guess we’ll see how this all turns out. What a mess!

I was about ready to give up and go home after that little stunt but as we walked out into the foyer, we noticed a large gathering…and food. Where there is food…there are men. There seemed to be plenty of them so we scoped out one or two who might be safe to meet. They were preoccupied however, so I continued my hunt until I spotted a few guys sitting together in the chairs on the side of the room. I decided to take ‘em all on! That’s right, 3 in one shot. I was definitely getting my quota last night. I told you, when I’m determined, I’m determined! It was fun chatting with these nice fellows. They weren’t much younger than me and were good conversationalists. When I finally concluded that the conversation was going nowhere productive however, I said my goodbyes, see ya arounds, and headed back toward my friends, elated at my success of overcoming my fears and putting myself out there. I don’t know if I’ll see those guys around again but they were nice and I wouldn’t mind. At the same time, I don’t know that I’m willing to put much effort into making it happen with these ones.

Wow, what a crazy night. Crazy, but I feel like it was productive. Thanks for pushing me, even though you didn’t comment! Feel free to leave your comments in the future and to follow me. It makes me feel like I’m doing this for a reason, more than the ultimate reason of course, which hasn’t worked thus far in my life. Plus, it makes me feel less alone in the process and we all know that the process can feel very lonely at times…most of the time!!

Shopping!

I had a fun weekend filled with shopping. Yep, that’s about all I did for my long holiday weekend. It was so great to spend time with my mom and a little with my dad as well. I needed a little family time and as I like to remember, shopping is “retail therapy.” I know I always feel a little better after spending some money. I currently live with my parents because the house I own is unoccupied in Southern Utah, so we’ve been redecorating the house. Home décor is one of my favorite things to shop for. We had a lot of fun and went all over the place. As it turns out however, there are not a lot of single, available men in these types of stores. If there were one, I think I’d marry him on the spot, but most of the men there have been dragged out by their wives. No good for me. Even still, I had a fabulous time.

The weekend is over now and as reality sets back in, I realize that I am in somewhat of a rut. I have no prospects for future dates and no hope for any kind of relationship with the previous four. Where is #5?? Seriously, sometimes I think that finding one date is as hard as trying to find Waldo. I guess the mingle after institute tonight is my best bet at finding the one who might become #5. It’s always worth another shot. This time…more courage! I HAVE to put myself out there and force myself to speak to strange men. Or normal men more preferably, that I have not yet met. I’m posting this on here so that I will do it. I can’t just make a goal in my mind…I have to be accountable, so make me accountable! This process is about taking chances…there is no room to sit back and be a spectator in this process. If I want things to happen in my life, I have to make them happen. I heard a commercial on the radio earlier that said something like, “tired of the way you look? Then do something about it.” To myself I said, “tired of your single status? Then do something about it.” In preparation, I have been studying up on expert advice and hoping for the best tonight. I’ll make sure to post an update tomorrow!

The Experts Say...

You know the movie, “Hitch?” It’s all about dating and doing it the right way. In the beginning, as Hitch narrates the story of what’s to come, he says, “basic principles...” and then goes on the list the things that you should do to score a relationship. In the end of the movie he comes back to this line and says, “Basic principles: there are none.” What works for some may not work for others. The awkward guy in the movie ended up with a beautiful woman that appreciated him for who he was. I’m seriously praying for a similar miracle. I mean, it happened in the movie, it can totally happen for me! It seems like no matter what I know to be right and wrong, when it counts, I always say the wrong things. I guess that’s why this project is good for me but I feel like I’m going to eventually run out of guys and still be the awkward girl that I am. Either way, I am doing my best to be aware of my flaws and to better control them and work the dating scene a little more effectively. I have a long way to go! My research continues however, and I am determined to make noticeable progress. That said, my latest advice comes from the book, “Crash Course in Love.” Have you ever seen the VH1 show called, “Tough Love?” The guy who hosts the show (Steve Ward) wrote this book. He and his mom are experts in the love field and call themselves professional matchmakers. Wow, what a job! Anyway, they say it like it is without holding anything back. I wish they were here to coach me on my dating but they’re not, so I will just rely on the general advice that they give in their book.

The first section of the book covers dating. It contains all sorts of fun facts on this topic. For my purposes, I would say that this part of the book is most relevant, so what I will be posting now will mainly come from this section. Early on in the book, Mr. Ward shares what he calls, the Michael Jordan rule. It states that, “You will miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take” (p.19). This is the first thing to remember in dating and a rule that I know try to keep in mind as I peruse the crowds of single men waiting to meet me. Seriously, how many times can you think back in your life to missed opportunities. I know I have plenty more than I would like to. We are adults now though. No one else is going to do the work for us. Mr. Ward says that “you have to be confident enough to close the physical gap between you and casually ask an innocent question.” His favorite is, “Are you single? No matter what the response is, you should always say politely and cutely, ‘well you shouldn’t be’” (p.18). So, my new goal is not to let opportunities pass me by. There are eligible men everywhere, it’s true. I’ve seen ‘em, I just like to deny it and pretend that there aren’t sometimes. It gets me off the hook. Anyway, taking a shot certainly moves me closer to the direction I want to go than just standing by on the sidelines while everyone else scores repeatedly.
Once we meet the men, the next challenge is getting your flirt on right? Sometimes it is for me. Other times it comes naturally. Either way, Mr. Ward gives a few tips to remember when you’re trying to send out a positive vibe. He suggests 5 key things to do when flirting:
1. Smile

2. Make eye contact.

3. Flatter

4. Take Charge (Take the conversation where you want it to go. If you want him to call, give him your number. If you want to call him, ask for his.)

5. Act gracefully (If he’s unavailable or uninterested, maintain your poise and just pretend you never started flirting in the first place.)
Great tips! These should be easy enough to remember as well. Okay, besides flirting, you have to make an impression. Whether we like it or not, much of this impression has to do with our looks. Steve says, “Make sure the image you project reflects how you want to be perceived.” He also warns that, “It’s nearly impossible to change someone’s perception if you make a bad first impression” (p.50-51). His tips for making a great first impression besides looking your best are to:
1. Smile

2. Listen

3. Focus (Be present. Don’t play with your phone or have your hands in your pockets.)

4. Be positive (Be open. Be agreeable. Dating is a great opportunity to broaden your horizons and experience things you haven’t had the opportunity to experience before.)

5. Be sexy (Sexy to a man means confident, fun, and approachable.)

Some final advice from the Wards on dating, “Never be neutral. You should have opinions. You don’t have to be argumentative, but always agreeing with a man is not going to make him more attracted to you. Dating a woman who always agrees with you is boring” (p.28). It’s all about getting in the door right? Once I find one that is normal that I can get in the door with, I will need to focus more on keeping that door open. For now however, these are some helpful bits of advice to remember as I plan my next finding strategies.

Hunting...in Provo

Location: Center Street and Comedy Sportz

Yesterday, while stalking random people on facebook, I came across a conversation between two 18 year old girls. One said to the other, “The weather has been pretty nice so far actually no -30s quite yet. We are in the single digits though....Haha, I’ve never heard that joke before!!” So I wonder, is this a joke made to make fun of those who are single and 30? Maybe it was the already self-pitying mood I was in but that’s how I took it. I secretly cursed those stupid girls and hope that they end up 30 and single and try to make the most of it. Just try to live it up and be as strong as the rest of us are!! Someday you will see… Okay, I was totally frustrated with my life and how I never seem to get the dating game right and I don’t know, I just started tearing everything about myself apart. I was just hangin out alone and I guess it was just one of those days. Everyone has ‘em right? It’s okay to have a bad, off day once in awhile.

Anyway, after my bad day of self pity, and loathing the stupidity of the young, I decided to go out to see a friend perform at Comedy Sportz in Provo. It seemed like a good time to check the place out and scope out the crowd that frequents the place. I set out with a good friend in tow, not knowing what we would find, but committing to be bold if any opportunities with the opposite sex arose. When we arrived, we were a little early so we decided to take on the streets of Provo…or at least go for a walk anyway. There were actually quite a few other fellow wanderers roaming the street as well. One wanderer in particular definitely noticed us. He headed into a nearby bar and while just inside the door, looked out as we passed and gave us ‘the nod.’ We simultaneously returned the nod and kept walking on our way. Sure we didn’t talk to him and he wasn’t who I was looking for, but being noticed never really hurts my feelings. Just the kind of self esteem booster I needed…despite the fact that he was probably, in reality just checkin out my beautiful friend. That’s okay though, a little recognition in our direction was all we needed.

After a few minutes of brisk walk and interesting companionship, we decided to head back to our original destination and find a seat. We walked in and immediately took in the place. It’s pretty small so finding any prospects took no time at all. Just our luck…most people were there with a date! Come on, doesn’t anyone ever go out alone anymore, or with people of their own gender? Or is everyone actually hooked up….besides me?? Well, we did find a couple of guys sitting alone. While we thought to talk to them later, their boyfriends showed up. Picture me just shaking my head right now. Well, despite the lack of possible male companionship, the show was actually really funny. By the time it was over I think I had definitely cried from laughing so hard which also gave my cheeks a much needed workout…they were pretty sore as well.

Speaking of cheeks, after the show was over, I decided to go talk to my old friend who was had just performed. I haven’t seen him in years really so he was pretty excited to see me. He greeted me with a huge kiss on the above mentioned cheek, and a hug that I thought would never end. He’s just a friend but hey, I’d say a nod, and a little man contact from an old friend makes the night successful enough. Besides, he had one other friend who performed in the show that was not so bad looking himself. Maybe a possible, future hook up of some sort? Anyway, fun night, fun friends, happier me!

The News...

I hate stupid girls. The end. Just kidding, about it being the end, not about hating stupid girls. So, I wrote Hopeful #4 a little email yesterday. I said a lot of things that made me scared but that I felt like I needed to say to him. Mostly, I made it clear that I want to date him. I’ve never done this before! Seriously, I haven’t. There’s a first for everything I guess and I decided that if there was any time in my life to be honest, now was it. He has obviously been through too much crap in the past to mess around. You have to be careful what you say to men…especially when you are just getting to know them. I think that what you can and can't say differes with each circumstance though. Anyway, that’s why I was scared to write what I did. I thought long and hard about it for a few days however, and I felt like I said what I needed to say…that it was the right thing to do. My life since pushing the send button has been a constant battle. I know I did the right thing but I’m freaking out, wondering how he will react; I’m biting my fingernails…I don’t bite my fingernails and they’re not even long enough to bite! When I was in grad school which I completed online, every time we would submit an assignment, a little box would always pop up that said, “are you sure you want to submit this assignment?” It was the worst thing ever but last night, I wished that facebook would have asked me if I was sure. At the same time, maybe it was better to stop questioning and just send it.

Anyway, tonight the waiting was over. He replied. He replied with a response that was to be expected. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but definitely not the worst thing either. It was what was expected. The reason it was expected is because he was honest with me in the first place. And let’s be honest now, he doesn’t know me that well so I can’t just break down all his walls after one night where I was a little bit shy and did not fully demonstrate my personality capacity! I have one…he just doesn’t know it yet. All I had to rely on was my good looks which apparently didn’t do the trick. And why would they, he has his hot self to look at every day. What more does he need? Just kidding. Are you dying to know what he said yet? I won’t share all of it because it’s kind of personal but here is part of it:

“It was fun to have someone show interest in me. It really was pretty cool to tell people that someone who doesn't even know me had the guts to ask me to get to know them. We will be friends.” “Thanks for going out on a limb. That takes a lot of guts."

That was nice. He told me that he is not ready to date. I’m glad that he is willing to be friends though and that he admires my guts and doesn’t think that I’m a crazy stalker! Also, he is apparently talking about me to his friends so maybe that’s a good thing too. At least I am not forgettable!

Now…what does this have to do with stupid girls? Well, I know I don’t know him super well but I kinda feel like I do. I think it’s because I have researched him for quite some time and some of my favorite people in the whole world know him and recommended him to me, telling me more about him. I also feel like I am a good judge of character and I can tell that he is a really good guy. That said, how could anyone let him go and hurt him the way they did? Not only did they steal a good guy in the first place, taking him off the market, but they screwed him up, assuring that he would be unavailable to the rest of us for a long, long time. These are worse than the double dippers! I don’t know what she did but I gotta say, I’m not her biggest fan right now. Why don’t things ever work out for me??? I’m really glad he is willing to be friends and I’m going to take that and be grateful for it and hope that as he gets to know me…someday he will be willing to remove some walls. In the meantime, I have to keep trying at my other goals so I’ve got to get back out there and find #5…any takers???

How Am I Doin?

Waiting…still the worst part of this dating game!! It’s been a few days since my date with hopeful #4. Am I surprised I haven’t heard from him? No, not really. He warned me before I went out with him that he is, “the most frustrating guy” and that he isn’t into dating. I emailed him tonight though. I hope that we can build some sort of relationship because I really want to get to know him better. Like I said before, there is just no real great part about dating. No matter how things go for you, there is always some struggle involved. I am so beyond tired of it. Who isn’t though? I know that I have to stay in the game though. I know it but of course my instinct is to pull back, to hide, to be okay with being alone and never have to deal with any of this. The problem is…I KNOW that greater blessings and happiness await me. I have to make it through this struggle first. I have to fight my way through it to find the prize on the other side of this dark, painful, laborious, path. It’s there…I know it!

While I wait, let’s talk about me on my other paths. I have lost a few pounds but am still struggling to find balance there. Today I wanted to update you on my goal to learn more about sports and to further participate in them. As in all of my goals, I feel like I’m a little bit of a slacker here too, but I have made some changes in my life. Often when I am working out at the gym, I will find a sports channel and watch it to educate myself. I have watched, “Sports Jobs with Junior Seau” a few times and have found it very interesting, informative, and entertaining. This is such a great show because it shows you the behind the scenes of sporting events. Instead of just watching a game, I get to learn a little more about what it’s all about, who the players are, and what it takes to pull off some of these events. It’s been fantastic! I also recently watched something about a former basketball star who died the night after he was drafted to the Boston Celtics. I learned a lot about drafting and basketball from that. Finally, when my friend was going to set me up with the boy who likes baseball, I researched baseball terms and facts online and completed more extensive research about his favorite team. Now…if only he would call!

As far as playing sports, I haven’t gotten out to do much. I work out regularly but have found myself to be so incredibly busy lately that I haven’t made time to improve my sports skills. Some things are in the works though. I have talked to the boys at church and told them that we need to play sports more often. They decided that we should play basketball a couple times a month. I agree. Hopefully we will start this soon. I would love to improve at that sport. It’s one that I definitely enjoy. Other than that, I’m still working slowly at my other goals. I’m gonna pick it up soon…as soon as I find a way to make the days a little longer. For now, I’m just going to go back to my waiting…

What's Goin Down in SLC...

For some reason, figuring out what to do on a date is one of the hardest parts of dating. I’m not really the kind of person that is okay with all of the weird ideas suggested in date idea books around here. Maybe if I knew the guy well, or were still in high school… I’m not though. I want to have fun of course, but I also want to be a little more mature. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Look up dating ideas and you should find some pretty cheesy ones. Me…I like to explore the town, find out more about what it’s all about. I have found a few great websites that keep people apprised of the goings on of Salt Lake City, as well as some places of interest that would be fun to take a date. I already went to the Clark Planetarium which I thought turned out great. The guy didn’t like me so maybe it was the Planetarium?? Just kidding, it so wasn’t the Planetarium, we just aren’t right for each other. Anyway, here are a few places that I think would be cool to check out and some of the websites that are also useful pieces of internet space in finding out where all the action is.It doesn't matter if you are married or single or are just looking for something to do in town, it's just a small list of what our fabulous city has to offer entertainment wise. In the summer time I will have way more ideas, but for now, these will do:


The Living Planet Aquarium

http://www.thelivingplanet.com/

(I mean...who doesn't want to see this, right??)

Keys on Main ( A dueling piano bar that on some nights also offers karaoke)

http://www.keysonmain.com/

Discovery Museum at the Gateway (Sure it’s a children’s museum, but I hear it’s pretty cool)

http://www.discoverygateway.org/

Desert Star (A dinner/playhouse. They serve dinner and do cool plays that I hear are pretty funny)

http://www.desertstar.biz/

Fast Kart Indoor Speedway (A little pricey but guys love this kind of stuff and I think it’s pretty fun too)

http://www.fastkartspeedway.com/

Comedy Sportz (They serve food and have some funny people that entertain you…I have a friend performing their next week actually. I think I’m gonna try and snag a date for that)

http://www.comedysportzutah.com/

Jazz Game (This is the local basketball team…just in case you were unaware)

http://www.nba.com/jazz/

Art Museum (There are several)

Hale Center Theater (Also pricey but sometimes a play would be cool to see. The two I have seen were definitely legit)

http://www.halecentretheatre.org/

Heber Creeper (They always have fun events going on and who doesn’t like trains??)

http://www.hebervalleyrr.org/

Also, I found a few really helpful websites for what is going on in town.

www.lifeinthevalley.com/events/html

www.ci.slc.ut.us/visitors/

http://www.studio5.ksl.com/

www.abc4.com/content/about_4/gtu/default.aspx

Hopefully these are a good start. They definitely give you some options. Some of these things(or all of them) are fun to do with your other friends as well. They might be good places to meet guys…if you need to do that. I might be looking into some of them for that purpose, later on down the road.

Hopeful #4

After a long drive getting more and more nervous, I finally arrived at the home of hopeful #4. As soon as he opened the door, it took everything in me to stop the drool from escaping my lips while anthems of joy burst from my mouth praising the Lord….wow, he was H-O-T! Sure I’ve seen lots of pictures, but they do him no justice. This man could contend for a place on ‘The Bachelor’ any day. He immediately gave me a hug which made me feel comfortable right off. The first thing I noticed, besides him (I know, it was totally hard to notice anything else but somehow in my peripheral vision) was his nice house. It’s a great place, well taken care of, and it didn’t smell like boy…impressive! We left in his nice little truck to go to the local Café Rio for a bite to eat. We had previously decided upon this at his suggestion. The food was delightful. He paid, was a real gentleman of course, and made me feel at ease. I just felt really comfortable around him, if a little shy. We have a lot of things in common, like music, which made for fun conversation. We are both in the same profession as well. There were a few awkward silent moments which made me wish that I hadn’t gotten so cocky and had actually studied those questions I posted. I figured that since I had been on a few dates recently, I was good to go. Each one is different as it turns out. Generally though, we talked and it was a good time.

After dinner, we headed back to his place for a movie. He has quite the set up for movie viewing pleasure. He has two couches, each facing each other with a huge movie screen to the side of them. I sat on one of them and he gave me a blanket. I was worried that he was going to sit on the other couch, far, far away from me. Nope…wrong! He totally sat right by me. It felt great to be sitting close to a hot man, watching a movie and glancing frequently at him as he slept! Yep, he was so tired…poor guy. He had a long day. Anyway, he was totally leaning into me so that can’t be a bad thing right? I was glad that I was further from the screen and had a great view of him and the movie. He’s so pretty!!! Okay, there is so much more to him than his good looks but seriously, they were impressive. He was honestly so, so nice though. I think that he was a tiny bit shy too but that was kind of nice.

After it was over, I thanked him and he said it was fun and seemed genuine about it. I made some joke about how I had randomly invited him to be my facebook friend and such and he said he thought it was really fun that I had done this. On the way home, I had just gotten on the freeway and I got a cute little text from him that said, “Thanks for coming down. It is nice to meet you.” That totally made me happy because you know how on a date you can be really happy in the moment and then on the way home you just beat yourself up for silly little things? I was getting to that point of, “oh no, what if he thought I was really lame, etc.” The simple little text was reassuring and I guess we’ll see what happens from here.

P.S…I know I’m not supposed to like him because he doesn’t want to date. He is too burnt from his whole marriage experience, which he didn’t bring up once on the date thank goodness. He was honest with me right from the start and I know that he doesn’t want to like me. Whether he does or not, I know he will fight it because he doesn’t trust people. I hope he could see that I am a good person though and that he will at least want to be my friend…for now.

Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

I have a date tomorrow…a date I’m really excited about! I’m also pretty darn nervous. So far, he is an extremely funny, nice, good looking, honest man. What if I can’t measure up to that? What if I turn out to be really dorky in front of him?? Well, date preparation is a must for me. I have been thinking a lot about this lately and wanted to post for quite some time about the things necessary to prepare for a date (at least for me!). First of all, conversation is a must, so this area needs quite a bit of attention as far as preparation goes. Also, what to do?? In this case, this wonderful, wonderful man actually had a plan and has followed through with it, choosing what to do, what time to do it, and what to eat. He definitely was respectful in making sure everything was okay with me but it is SO nice to have a man actually plan a date. What a relief. I’ve come to realize however, that he is unusual. I’ve done a bit of research lately so I will soon be posting some ideas for dates, or places to meet men, or things to do with your friends around town. Look for this in a few days because I’ve been working on it.


Before going out with Gentleman #1 I came up with a list of questions for him. I have known him for quite some time so my list was a little more refined than it would be with someone I don’t know. I have since looked at my list and revised some things to make it a more general date list question. Since then, I also came across a list of suggested questions in Dr. Phil’s book….”Love Smart.” Using all of them together should leave our mouths pretty occupied the whole night-with conversation of course! Here’s what I have so far:

*Where are you from/where did you grow up?

*What is your favorite place that you have been to?

*What do you like to do?

*Where do you work? Do you like it? What caused you to be interested in this? Etc…

*Did you play any sports growing up?

*What sports do you follow now?

*What do you like to watch on t.v.?

*Did you go to college? Where?

*What is your greatest accomplishment?

*Tell me about your family…

*What’s the most adventurous thing that you have ever done?

*Do you like animals? Which ones and to what extent? (Side note: I’m so not an animal person so this is a secret way for me to find out if they are or not. Okay, it’s not all that secret since I am just coming right out and asking them!)

*What kind of books do you like to read if any?

And, a few from Dr. Phil:

*What was the best concert you’ve ever been to?

*What is your favorite movie?

*What are your top five favorite songs of all time?

*If you could travel anywhere and you had to leave today, where would you go?

ETC….

He had more but I like these the best and several of the questions I came up with on my own were also suggested by the doctor. This is a great starting point though. I don’t usually end up asking all of these questions but I think it’s good to have them on hand (in your memory anyway) just in case you need some conversation fillers. Each of these questions could be followed with several follow up questions as well. I also have to remember to be prepared to answer them myself as well. Actually, some of them I purposely picked, hoping that he would ask me the same. For example, “what is the most adventurous thing you have ever done?” I like this question because I have been parasailing in Hawaii, rappelling, hiking, up in a hot air balloon (that was tied to the ground), etc. I think it’s fun to be able to share some of the things I have done like that. Anyway, the goal is to have good, flowing conversation, and not to have it sound like an interview. Sometimes when I get nervous I ramble though, so I really hope I don't start doing that. If I go over these in my mind, I usually feel better about having something decent to say!

Now, I think the rest of tonight will be spent pampering myself a little so that I can at least feel beautiful when I see him. I’ve got the outfit picked out…it’s gonna be hot! Tonight calls for a good facial and pedicure I think. I’ve been feeling a little off my game this week so I have to somehow find the will inside of me to bring out my pretty and try a little harder to look good. This should help! I wish I had worked out more this week but I’ve been super tired and my back, which has a bulged disc, has decided to completely fail me so I haven’t felt much up to exercise. Oh well, it’s not the end of the world. There is always tomorrow, and the day after that, etc. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go work on me….wish me luck tomorrow!!

P.S...in case you didn't read the comments on the last post...I finished "The Hunger Games." I LOVED it!! I really couldn't put it down. It was a good read so if you haven't read it and you like to read...get it! Okay, back to me.