People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

It's a Numbers Game

Back when I started this project forever ago, the person who inspired me to do it shared a similar experience she had. She related that when she turned 31 and could no longer attend her church meetings with the younger singles, her bishop counseled her to date 40 men because marriage was about numbers. She was hesitant but eventually made a list and did everything in her power to accomplish such a daunting task. I thought that maybe I could do the same thing….and blog about it. Well, I have learned a great deal about myself and dating in the process. I’m glad for that! Still, the journey has been somewhat long and laborious, while really exciting at times as well. 

I’m currently finding myself back at square one and wondering once again where to turn this time. Mr. Manly just doesn’t seem interested in me and I know in reality that it’s over. It was fun while it lasted. Really fun! It was so nice to have someone to be excited about, to have a man be affectionate toward me and to hold my hand, give me the best hugs ever, and to cuddle with. I enjoyed our conversations and the hope I felt in my future. Now, I am once again left heartbroken and lonely. This cycle is all part of the process though and I know that. I know that I have overcome heartbreak before and so I can do it again! I thought that maybe I’d share how exactly I am coping with yet another disappointment in the dating game of life.
First and foremost, God is central to my life. The thing that gives me the greatest peace and comfort in my life is accepting that He has a plan for me. Over the last several months I have really tried to turn my life over to Him completely. Doing so allows me to trust that He knows what is best for me and wants what will bring me the greatest happiness and joy in life. When I fully declare my trust in Him and this plan for me, I feel great peace and relief!! I can’t describe it to you but I just know that I have nothing to fear, that everything is going to be okay. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon that I love. I believe it is in Mosiah 23:28. The people of Alma had seen great hardship and once they were settled and starting to freely live the gospel, they saw their enemies upon them and they were afraid. Yet they were reminded in whom they trusted and it says, “they hushed their fears and began to cry unto the Lord.” I tell myself constantly to hush my fears. In the end, everything is going to work out. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard right now cause it pretty much sucks. I have HOPE though!

This brings me to my second coping strategy. Because I trust in the Lord, I do everything possible to stay near to Him and to have His calming spirit with me. I do this because I know that I am surrounded by the adversary and his angels who yell in my ear that I am not good enough…that there is no hope, etc. I have to beat them and I have to drown out their demeaning words. The only way to do that is to stay near to God. I do that by reading the scriptures more faithfully and by studying every other piece of church material I can get my hands on. And then I go to the temple regularly. I go as much as I can because it is a safe house for me. I know that in there I can only feel the right spirit and it feels good.

So…those are my number one coping strategies! Next, I stay active and I plan. I love hiking and now is the right time of year to do it! This keeps me moving which is great because I feel good about myself, and it allows me to enjoy nature which is the love of my life! It also feels like a safe place for me which is needed. Besides, who doesn’t love the accomplishment of conquering a mountain?! It’s great! Keeping busy is important for me so aside from hiking as much as possible, I plan other activities. I focus on what might be important in my life like what I can accomplish, how I can improve in my job, and how I can better serve those around me. Then I also plan as much fun as possible! I am actually going to Europe this summer!! I am occupied right now with plans for this one month trip to a far away land! It’s important to have things to look forward to…besides marriage and babies. :)
Finally, I do everything in my power to control what I can control and let the rest go. I’m still doing my part. In fact, I joined another dating site. It’s proving fairly fruitful so far. I have a couple of guys that want to meet me and several more who are talking to me. My heart isn’t fully in it but I figure, the more I do it, the more likely it will be to catch up with me at some point, right? I also feel like I can control things like my appearance and physical fitness so I am reevaluating how to better get in shape and what I can do for a change….like get a haircut! :) I’ve found that change can be good in moving forward as well. So, there you have it. This is my life right now and soon, I won’t feel quite so bad that I was rejected yet again, right?

Ps…you should go to youtube and look up, “Mindy Gledhill Small Enough.” It’s one of my favs!

1 comment:

Krissa said...

Oh girl... I couldn't have said this any better... i feel like i m in the EXACT same place you are... and its comforting to know someone else is feeling what i am... i just went through something similar with a potential man....and oh its tough...and now it seems there are guys out there but like you i don't feel in it... ugh idk...dang i wish you were here...haha... i feel like we would have so much to discuss...whats the other dating on lds singles and planet.... haha...
I'm right there with you on your coping strategies...i try and do the same thing... its hard but i trust it will all work out...
thanks for sharing!!!!