Caught in the Middle

Where is all the time going, seriously? Can we just slow this down a little more? More importantly, how about I just make it a goal to date ten guys this year! It’s still way better than last year!! Why did I think 40 was achievable again?? Or why did I think that guys would want to date me? Okay, I know…this is not okay! But sometimes when you are sitting at home on a Friday night, you wonder these things. Yes, you are right; I shouldn’t be sitting at home! Well, I went out last night and I’m going out in the morning so it’s not a complete waste, right? Besides, you’ve been dying for a blog update, haven’t you? I feel like a slacker in every way right now!! It’s time to repent…I’m on that. Maybe in awhile I will go up to Ogden to see my new friend perform in an improve competition. He has invited me the last 3 weeks and I haven’t gone. Everyone else I know is busy or doesn’t care to hang out with me so, I guess I will maybe…attempt this one on my own. Who knows what may happen!


While we are on the subject of self pity, let’s talk a little more about this whole age thing. So, I went to play Frisbee last night and then went country dancing. The friend that I hang out with to do these activities is almost ten years younger than I am. It’s totally fine, she is super fun and keeps me young and energetic, and most importantly, out there. Still, I can’t help but feel a little out of place at times around her other friends and boyfriend, when to them, I am super old. I try not to bring up my age but at times it comes up and this awkward silence immediately follows. Geez, I don’t have a plague or anything and you were totally cool with me like 5 seconds ago!

Okay, she is so not like that but I just feel out of place a lot of times with the younger crowd now. I feel this more and more lately. I don’t want to be old but there is just something about the experiences you have in life over just a few years that change you! I’m grateful for those changes! I don’t want to give them up! I feel like I know who I am because of my experiences. The problem is relating to people who have not yet had such opportunities. They are not any less of a person, and neither am I…we are just different. Sometimes, more often than not though, I DO feel like less of a person, just because of my age! Shouldn’t that make me more of a person though? Hmmmm. Maybe the fact that my birthday still looms over me on a daily basis is the contributing factor to these long, self-absorbed paragraphs of self-pity, I don’t know. One more week though. One more week and we can just move on from it and try to forget it ever happened I guess.

While we are on the subject of self pity, let’s just get everything out and then we can move on again. Sometimes, when you are hanging out on a Friday night with nothing to do, you have these little sessions, even though it’s nice to hang out by yourself sometimes. It’s definitely been one of those weeks though, ya know? I really hate to admit it because I’m sure there are people who will take joy in my self pity, but oh well. I love the good times and have plenty of them…it’s just been a long week. So…what else? Besides the younger crowd, I also feel out of place in the older crowd as I have mentioned. I am not divorced, am too young, and don’t have any children!

Ah, that brings me to another point. This man, a police officer in Kanab area was killed yesterday. That’s my old place of residence so I have heard a lot about it. Everyone has been talking about how it is so sad and that he left behind a wife and two kids. It is so sad!! I am sad for my friend that this happened to a few years ago! I am sad for anyone that has to go through this. It has made me consider though, what if I died? Would it be less sad because I don’t leave anyone behind?? It sort of makes you feel a little worthless sometimes…like I am not contributing properly to the world so what am I good for? Okay, I know…stupid comment! I just wanted to throw it out there though.

So, this post is sooo not okay. I know that and you know that. Now I HAVE to go out to my friend’s show tonight! I am tired though. I stayed out way too late last night country dancing. It was okay. I danced with all the strange guys and did not meet my goal to give out my number. Eh, I didn’t want to give them my number anyway! I better get myself ready to go. More on tonight’s FUN adventures (promise) later!!