People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Information Overload

It’s been awhile since I have posted any real solid advice from the pros….or from anyone for that matter. Part of the reason for this is that I became extremely busy finishing up the school year and didn’t have time for more studies. Another reason was just plain burnout. I took in a lot of information at one time. That information is still with me though, and I think about it all the time. I still try to pick up information wherever I can and I am reading Alisa Goodwin Snell’s book but I’m not very far into it yet. My friend also referred another book to me which I will eventually take a peek at. For now, I just want to share some of my random thoughts and little bits of advice I have picked up all over the place in the last few months.

Words of Wisdom from the Air:

Being cramped up for hours on an airplane is not my favorite thing. I am a fidgety person and I hate small spaces…not to mention that flying is slightly intimidating for me. As a result, on my long journey to Boston, I needed some distraction…so I went where I always go when I need an in-flight distraction…to the pocket of the seat in front of me. There I found the “United Hemispheres” magazine and settled in for some good, solid airplane entertainment. I was surprised to find a few words on the subject of dating so, being the studious person I am, I whipped out my notebook and took notes. These words are from Sara Darling who is a dating specialist/consultant.

Sara mentioned that the top 3 challenges that typically get between singles and a rewarding dating life are:

1. Making the time

2. Knowing where to find like-minded people (and I would add an Amen to that!)

3. Protecting personal privacy

*Okay, I find that I can pretty much agree with those. They are certainly my challenges anyway. Moving on, she says that the best way to meet compatible people is by “making a connection through someone who really knows you and is looking out for you.” Again, I agree with this and do keep myself open to set ups.

Finally, she lists the most common dating mistakes. They are:

1. Putting too much pressure on yourself (oops…)

2. Dating the same type of person and expecting different results.

So basically, according to Ms. Darling, I am semi-grounded in the whole dating process. So what’s my problem then? Last weekend I was super excited that I had met my goal but when the initial high wore off, I realized that I really hadn’t gotten anywhere. What good did it do me? Nobody asked for my number; I will probably never see most of them again. And still…no date to show for it either. So, I mentioned this to one of my male friends the other day as we discussed dating and the challenges that we have in this crazy venture.

So what did the advice giver have to say? Well, he reminded me of some things I know but just don’t put into practice. He told me that I have to be honest, look em in the eye and let them know I am interested. The dating coach says to touch their arm, tell them you have to go but you would love for them to call you sometime, and walk away. Ahh, I just don’t know how to do that, ya know? And it further frustrates me that guys don’t ever just ask me for my number without all that craziness. I know they ask other girls for theirs, without all the extras.

Anyway, this man also said that he likes girls who can be independent, who have goals in life and want to continue their progression, even after marriage, and those who are confident. He advises making goals for yourself to improve in different areas where you feel like you might be lacking, so that you will be more attractive. Again though, I feel like I do these things. I feel like he described me already, so it’s hard to know what I specifically need to do. I think it might be my personality. He may have said that but I don’t know if he was talking about me, or just saying that as an example.

As for my looks, well, I’m doing all I can with what God gave me…and I feel like that is important to remember to do as well. I want someone attractive and I hope that a man will find me attractive. It’s pretty hard amidst the recent criticsm of my looks, but I still work out, wear makeup in a hopefully good way, and hmm, I shower frequently. As a side note, I am totally down 12 pounds since I started this blog so progress is being made in that goal…yay!

While I am trying to give advice, I guess I am also analyzing myself into circles. I told the boy that we do that, us girls. He thinks that it’s a good thing, in a way. I agree and disagree. Improvement and self-evaluation is good. Me…I just continue to beat myself up over my weaknesses and I stress myself to death worrying what more I can do. To sum it all up though…look at yourself in a healthy way, choose one or two things to work on, and act confident. In the future, I am going to work on really stating my interests by letting guys know that I would like for them to call me.


truth, light, and knowledge said...

I know it is hard to go outside your comfort zone, but sometimes you just have to take everything you've got and just do it. And don't stress so much about the outward appearance thing. Of course you have to be physically attracted to the person you are going to marry, but don't turn a guy down just because he isn't super model quality. Often times, a person can become more attractive the more you get to know them. And sometimes the attractive ones can become ugly once you get to know them! I've experienced both. Just keep going!

Livin it up said...

Yes, I agree. I just don't know how to get guys to realize that with me and give me a chance. I know that I have been more attracted to some guys after getting to know them. I do think that at some point there needs to be an attraction both ways though.Thanks for the encouragement! I'm hopefully going to meet lots of new people tonight so I will update later!!