Progress

Lately, in my studies and mostly in my conversations with boys, I have realized that the goals I made when I began this journey were not only valid, but very necessary to my dating progress. After last week’s church activity, hearing that the number one thing men look at is a good body, I was grateful that I have been working on that especially. So, where am I at now? Since I first began this blog, I have lost 15 pounds. From my highest weight…I have lost a lot more than that. I’m feeling great and LOVING going shopping, just wishing that I had endless funds for such enjoyment. I love it when people tell me I’m skinny, even though I still have 23 pounds until my goal weight. I LOVE being able to move more easily and to have energy to play and go on random hiking adventures through the woods as I did with some friends last night. Being healthy is the best!


As you know however, this is a goal that I really struggled with for awhile. I had lost a lot of weight and then I was just stuck at this ridiculous plateau for months! It was beyond frustrating and I really had to fight not to lose my will. I kept up kind of minimally with my weight loss routine, but didn’t see any results. Finally, it was like I had to almost just start over, in my brain and everything. Positive thinking and determination, I believe, are huge keys to success in this endeavor. So, one of the things that kicked started me again was realizing that I NEEDED this to happen. I had to have some serious motivation to continue, and to continue with a vengeance! The girls who said I wasn’t good enough kind of did it for me. Then, last week at the activity, that determination was increased. When things like that happen, in some ways it’s good for me because it really makes me fight, in a good healthy way, for what I deserve!

(She motivates me, I want to look like this!)

In my restart I also had to be honest with myself and step up my game again. When I went to the YSA conference a couple of weeks ago, I got some great tips from a nutritionist there. She has a blog that is interesting and full of good tips. Check it out here. One thing in particular that she really emphasized was how to stay healthy when you go out to eat. She said to eat before you go. You can’t eat just anything though; it needs to be fruit or veggies, or something like that. Then, before you go and when you get there, make sure you drink plenty of water before your meal arrives. All of this begins to fill you up with healthy things that your body needs before you get your meal, causing you to eat less of it and therefore not suffer so badly from the ridiculous calorie intake. Finally, one last bit of advice on that subject was to ask the waitress to box up half of your meal before it comes out. We apparently eat with our eyes (ok, I so eat with my eyes!) so if it is in front of us, we will just keep eating, no matter how stuffed we are, making us completely miserable afterward. I don’t know why we do this to ourselves, really.

After finishing the workshop with her, lunch was served to us. They had pizza and cookies and soda, all kinds of things that are not good for you. So, I made sure to grab some fruit and salad and before touching the very delicious looking pizza, I slowly ate an apple and some salad. By the time I finished it and my pizza, I was quite comfortably full and I didn’t feel gross either. Since then, I have been eating a lot of fruit as my snacks during the day, trying to eat more organic foods that I know my body will benefit more from, and really stepping up and switching up my workouts. Also, with it being summer time, I have more time to move which is very helpful. Moving as much as possible keeps those calories burning.

So my friends, it’s not over yet but I am well on my way to that goal. I am seeing numbers on the scale that I really haven’t seen probably since high school…yikes. I love it and feel a little bit more confident in single crowds and amidst the dating scene.

Searching: Turning a New Leaf?

With the quick approach of my 31st birthday, I’ve been thinking a lot about my finding options and where they are going. I’m not 31 yet, I still have a couple of months, but still…I want to be prepared and ease myself over this weird transitory period of my life. So, the other day, in one of my freak outs over the whole thing (seriously, this is so, so much harder than 30 was!) I decided to join every mid-single’s group I could find at this end of the state. After more contemplation and some investigation, I have decided to hang out between the two groups for now…the older and the younger. This gives me every possible meeting opportunity because I really don’t mind younger guys…some of them anyway.


In my new quest to become a part of the older single’s crowd, I ventured out on my own Sunday night to what I thought was a mid-single’s fireside. Mid-singles are usually defined as those ranging from ages 31-45. Perfect right? So, I drove all the way across town, feeling rather alone and somewhat nervous, but determined to put on my feminine confidence when I arrived to get all the men. I looked pretty dang good that night, I’m not gonna lie. I was feelin hot and awesome because I knew I’d be the youngest one there, which is always attractive to the men, right?

When I finally found the church where this fireside was to take place, I was a little disappointed and worried about the lack of cars in the parking lot. I hoped that the few there, had brought some good looking, interesting males which I would shortly meet. As soon as I walked in the building however, I knew those chances were going to be pretty slim. I was surrounded by some really old people. I thought maybe there was a funeral and I had the wrong church?? I decided to venture on anyway. The people were gathered in the foyer and there were rumors of a fireside passing through their teethless smiles and reaching slightly deafened ears. I was horrified to note that the only other person there that could possibly be under the age of 80 was another girl!

After a few minutes of debate as to whether or not this so-called fireside was going to take place, I decided to approach the other girl. After all, life is all about connections and reaching out to others. So, I used my practiced confidence and asked her about herself and her usual habits of attending such functions. She informed me that she was 31 and usually came alone to these type of things, but rarely to this particular fireside function because the group we were looking at, were the typical participants at this such event. I took a deep breath and tried to make myself realize that all was not lost.

We eventually made our way into the chapel and upon passing several of the men I was slightly disgusted at their lack of hygiene. They were old yes, but they kinda smelled bad. I’m not judging, just stating the facts…and the other night I learned that guys like girls who don’t smell, so they should show us the same courtesy right? The women made me want to go home and never come back. I wondered if I was looking at my future and sincerely hoped and prayed that I wasn’t! It was really terrifying!

Anyway, then event itself was quite unorganized but someone finally got up and led us in an opening hymn. When we finished singing, they announced that the fireside was cancelled. Nice. I drove all the way across town to hang out with a bunch of old people as dating potentials and then, not even a fireside. Oh well, I was just as happy to get out of there as fast as I could. I did not leave however, before getting my new friend’s info and giving her mine. She is more in the know about these older single events and I could sure use a friend or two at them.

The next day, Monday, I set out to try again. I don’t want to give up; I want to find these mid-singles that I know must be out there somewhere. So, I noticed on the same calendar where I found the fireside, that there was to be a family home evening in Pleasant Grove that night. I looked up the address, google mapped it, and set out once again.

When I finally arrived at the address given, there were a few ladies there with children planning some sort of stake relief society meeting. It was not the mid-single FHE that is for sure! They led me across the street to what we determined was the ‘correct’ building, however, as I tried to enter, I found the door locked. Once again, I traveled far to no avail! I’m really annoyed that they have this seemingly fabulous calendar yet no one updates it! How rude! Now I am just frustrated and ready to stay where I know my way around and where I am comfortable. So, tonight I am going to institute. My institute class that I have been attending since January!! I know how to get there, what to expect, and that I will if nothing else, at least be uplifted!

*Note: I like old people. I just don’t want to date them.

**Note 2: I just got home from institute and there was a new hot man there! My prayers were answered, I know it! Except, I didn’t meet him. I sure hope he comes back next week because I will be there with my flirt on!

***P.S...Check out this awesome article from msn...it's like exactly what I said in one of my very first posts!

Enlightened

Lesson learned in the past few weeks: Never discount anyone as your friend. Just remember that and you will see why as I proceed. Let me start off however, by telling you about the awesome relief society activity I put on Friday night. We invited the Elder’s quorum because they wanted to take part in our awesome plans and they probably thought we were hot. Just kidding about the hot, but you never know I guess. The activity, hosted by me and my fabulous presidency, was of course about dating. I know it’s a subject that is sometimes overdone amongst our age group. Nevertheless, it is a subject which we all have concerns about. I love the girls in my ward and I honestly want them, and myself, to feel better about this topic. We need to know how to give it our best effort and to feel like we are doing our part. So…I enlisted the help of a local institute teacher who teaches a dating and marriage class. He is well liked by many and related to one of our own, which made it pretty easy to secure his services.


Let’s just start with a little info on the evening itself. I went to the church an hour early to set up. When I walked in, there was a bell ringing really loudly and it wouldn’t stop (we meet in a seminary building). I was a little bit nervous, even though I knew there was no alarm there, that some cops would shortly show up and arrest me and I would never know how to improve my dating skills, and would be stuck with some weird guy from prison for the rest of my life! Okay, my imagination didn’t quite take me that far, but I knew that this noise had to stop…for my own sanity as well as for the sake of the activity. I called gentleman #1 immediately for his help but he was still at work. So, I called the other member of our branch presidency…no answer. I called #1’s house again and talked to his sister, describing me emergency situation and pleading with her to have him call me as soon as he arrived, whenever that might be!

I had no one else to call at that point because no other numbers are in my phone. I went in and tried to solve the problem on my own. I looked everywhere for what might be the cause of this horrible inconvenience. Nothing. I walked in circles, stressed, and was about to go outside again when my rescuer arrived on his way home from work , to save the day. He figured it out pretty quickly and soon silence again filled the building. Relief! I was a little embarrassed that I couldn’t figure it out on my own but so grateful for his help! I soon had things set up and took off to get our food.

The food was a little bit late. I had to wait for them to finish, all the while I was stressing about being late. When I finally got in my car to leave, I checked my back mirror, saw nothing, and began to pull out. I looked in the mirror again, just as I was bumping into the car behind me who was also backing out. Yikes! I freaked out pretty much but was grateful to get out of my car and not find any damage. They didn’t find any either, so we both went on our way.

By this time, I was a little shaken up and hardly wanted to go to the activity. I was not in the mood for some reason. Despite this, I went, we ate and mingled, and soon enjoyed the portion where we learned more about dating. It ended up being a lot of discussion which is great. The presenter gave us some hardcore facts about what we are looking for in each other. Men polled at the University of Utah (I think it was) claimed that the number one thing they look for in a woman is a good body. Good looks were later on down the list. I’m just throwing that out there because I had suspicions of this in the past, but it’s true. At the same time, number one on my list (and this is what we are looking for in a first date by the way) was good looks. We all like that. And, in myself, it is my greatest cause of worry about who I am. I don’t know why. I have worked so, so hard to improve my looks and body by getting in shape but as I sat there I wondered if I was good enough yet. I’ve wondered it since then.

I totally appreciate the honesty of this meeting and I think that we really needed to hear what was said. It was enlightening, entertaining, and good-natured. It has also caused the usual reflection which can be both good and bad. He talked about becoming an interesting person, being educated in many areas, and being outgoing, fun, and positive. These things are also attractive to men. And as I try to do, he encouraged us to make goals to improve in some of these areas. Good, that’s exactly what I wanted him to say!

As for me, I dreamed about it all night and then woke up early the next morning and went to the gym. I was happy to be so awake and feeling so good. The weight has been coming off a little bit each day for the last several days so I feel good about that. As I was well into my cardio portion of the workout, I saw the other man from my branch presidency. Here’s the thing…I’ve judged him a little bit harshly lately but he has really tried to make up for it since, being extra nice to me and trying to be a gentleman. So, he got on the machine for about 20 minutes and then came over to talk to me. We talked a lot about last night. I told him kind of how I was feeling and he said very sincerely that I looked good and was doing a great job; that I workout hard and it shows. He said he didn’t want to say that the wrong way but he really didn’t. It made me feel sooo much better. So, you can’t discount anyone as your friend or as an answer to a prayer. This deepens my conviction to judge others less harshly.

Along the same lines, a few weeks ago I had a girl make me feel better about a situation that I was upset about. I had probably judged her a bit harshly in the past as well. That day I was so grateful for her though. You never know who is going to be there for you when you need it. This also brings me to a very important part of Friday night’s lecture. He told us that as a human race, we are always crying inside, “love me, love me, love me.” He suggests however, that we reform our thoughts and desires to, “let me love you.” As we care more for those around us, we become more attractive and I think that people naturally do give you the love you need. He pointed out that guys/girls don’t want someone who is always seeking self-pity. I think I have been so guilty of that at times but I resolve to love instead of starving so much for it myself. I resolve to judge less harshly, and to be a friend to all. This will make me happier despite my circumstances! Are you with me?

A Beautiful Day for a Hike

Awhile back I joined a hiking group online. They schedule several hikes almost weekly. I haven’t had a chance to participate in any because of my busy schedule…until yesterday! It was the most perfect day for a hike too. The weather was cool but not too cold or windy. We met in the parking lot at the bottom of Big Cottonwood Canyon. I was a little hesitant at first, hiking with a bunch of strangers, so I wasn’t very loud when introducing myself. They took this as me being shy. Really, I just wanted to observe the company. There were all sorts in our group, ranging from grandmother age down to me…and maybe a bit younger. There were 12 of us total. At first I didn’t know how I was going to get along with this bunch but I decided to stick it out and see what came of it…afterall, I needed the exercise anyway!

So, when everyone had arrived, we headed up to the Mill B North trail just a few miles up the canyon. I was grateful it was this trail because I went up it a couple of times last year. In fact, these are some of my pics from late last year on the trail. It’s a beautiful hike and I knew what the terrain would be like so I felt fairly confident in myself. I knew however that it being my first hike of the season, it would be a bit of a struggle. It’s not just a super easy trail.

Anyway, as we began, I started in second place, following our leader. I quickly became tired and decided to drop more toward the back of the group. This turned out to be a good move as I felt more comfortable socializing back there. I started off by talking to the girl in front of me, finding out her story. She was quite friendly and it certainly made the hike a little more enjoyable.

As time went on, I became more and more exhausted. Who would have ever thought that I actually workout every day?? It was ridiculous! Anyway, after each little break I ended up near someone different and tried to converse with each of them. For most of the hike I was pretty certain that I was the only one there who was LDS. Not a bad thing at all but certainly weird to be the minority in Utah! It was so fun to meet new people though and to get to know a little bit about who they are. There were all very interesting and friendly in their own ways.

Finally as we were nearing the upper 3rd of the hike, I ended up near the guy closest to my age and the best looking….thankfully right? Really quickly let me explain that I didn’t go to the hike with any expectations. I figured I would meet a new group of people which is always great because you never know how that is going to connect you to other people. But, back to Mr. Fun as we will call him. He has both a fun name and a business name and not many people can say that. Anyway, he recently moved here from Ohio and as we conversed, I found out this family is also LDS. What a coincidence that the only guy near my age and somewhat good looking was the only other person of my same faith. He seemed pretty cool. We had a friendly chat, he took some pics and I told him to make sure and touch mine up and tag me on facebook. Actually, he offered to touch it up, maybe that’s a bad thing…I didn’t see it! Anyway, he eventually moved out further ahead of me and I stayed back with an older gentleman who was struggling.

We eventually made it to our destination which was a beautiful view of a waterfall. I was just grateful to stop forcing my body to climb another step. The way down was of course much easier and entertaining. I met a few more members of the group and got down to the bottom in a ridiculously good mood. I decided that I must have created quite the pool of endorphins because I was pretty happy. So, a successful outing, fun people, and maybe, maybe some kind of potential in the future. I will keep you posted with Mr. Fun…I’m not sure anything will come of it but I definitely wouldn’t mind getting to know him a little bit more. The end.

Information Overload

It’s been awhile since I have posted any real solid advice from the pros….or from anyone for that matter. Part of the reason for this is that I became extremely busy finishing up the school year and didn’t have time for more studies. Another reason was just plain burnout. I took in a lot of information at one time. That information is still with me though, and I think about it all the time. I still try to pick up information wherever I can and I am reading Alisa Goodwin Snell’s book but I’m not very far into it yet. My friend also referred another book to me which I will eventually take a peek at. For now, I just want to share some of my random thoughts and little bits of advice I have picked up all over the place in the last few months.


Words of Wisdom from the Air:

Being cramped up for hours on an airplane is not my favorite thing. I am a fidgety person and I hate small spaces…not to mention that flying is slightly intimidating for me. As a result, on my long journey to Boston, I needed some distraction…so I went where I always go when I need an in-flight distraction…to the pocket of the seat in front of me. There I found the “United Hemispheres” magazine and settled in for some good, solid airplane entertainment. I was surprised to find a few words on the subject of dating so, being the studious person I am, I whipped out my notebook and took notes. These words are from Sara Darling who is a dating specialist/consultant.

Sara mentioned that the top 3 challenges that typically get between singles and a rewarding dating life are:

1. Making the time

2. Knowing where to find like-minded people (and I would add an Amen to that!)

3. Protecting personal privacy

*Okay, I find that I can pretty much agree with those. They are certainly my challenges anyway. Moving on, she says that the best way to meet compatible people is by “making a connection through someone who really knows you and is looking out for you.” Again, I agree with this and do keep myself open to set ups.

Finally, she lists the most common dating mistakes. They are:

1. Putting too much pressure on yourself (oops…)

2. Dating the same type of person and expecting different results.

So basically, according to Ms. Darling, I am semi-grounded in the whole dating process. So what’s my problem then? Last weekend I was super excited that I had met my goal but when the initial high wore off, I realized that I really hadn’t gotten anywhere. What good did it do me? Nobody asked for my number; I will probably never see most of them again. And still…no date to show for it either. So, I mentioned this to one of my male friends the other day as we discussed dating and the challenges that we have in this crazy venture.

So what did the advice giver have to say? Well, he reminded me of some things I know but just don’t put into practice. He told me that I have to be honest, look em in the eye and let them know I am interested. The dating coach says to touch their arm, tell them you have to go but you would love for them to call you sometime, and walk away. Ahh, I just don’t know how to do that, ya know? And it further frustrates me that guys don’t ever just ask me for my number without all that craziness. I know they ask other girls for theirs, without all the extras.

Anyway, this man also said that he likes girls who can be independent, who have goals in life and want to continue their progression, even after marriage, and those who are confident. He advises making goals for yourself to improve in different areas where you feel like you might be lacking, so that you will be more attractive. Again though, I feel like I do these things. I feel like he described me already, so it’s hard to know what I specifically need to do. I think it might be my personality. He may have said that but I don’t know if he was talking about me, or just saying that as an example.

As for my looks, well, I’m doing all I can with what God gave me…and I feel like that is important to remember to do as well. I want someone attractive and I hope that a man will find me attractive. It’s pretty hard amidst the recent criticsm of my looks, but I still work out, wear makeup in a hopefully good way, and hmm, I shower frequently. As a side note, I am totally down 12 pounds since I started this blog so progress is being made in that goal…yay!

While I am trying to give advice, I guess I am also analyzing myself into circles. I told the boy that we do that, us girls. He thinks that it’s a good thing, in a way. I agree and disagree. Improvement and self-evaluation is good. Me…I just continue to beat myself up over my weaknesses and I stress myself to death worrying what more I can do. To sum it all up though…look at yourself in a healthy way, choose one or two things to work on, and act confident. In the future, I am going to work on really stating my interests by letting guys know that I would like for them to call me.

Day of Men

You doubted me when I revealed my goal to meet ten men yesterday didn’t you? Sure I’m a little behind on my goal to date 40 but I have mentioned my determination in the past, and this goal was no different. I knew that I would not leave the conference until ten new males had been introduced to me. Of course, when I walked in with my friend Belle, we found some open seats and headed directly for them. Apparently at the same time, #8 had his eye on us and met us at the chairs we had scoped out. He appeared out of thin air, all alone and ready to hang with us. No complaints, he is such a nice guy and way fun to hang out with. So, he sat and I plotted as to how I would handle this predicament. I mean, it’s a little bit difficult to meet other men when you are with one, ya know? Sometimes guys who don’t know you get the wrong idea.


When the keynote speaker finished his high-speed address (it honestly sounded like a tape-recorder on fast forward) we decided to split for the first workshop. Our classes were near each other so we agreed to meet outside of them for lunch afterward. Being separated from #8 for only a brief sliver of time, I knew that it was essential for me to make the most of that time. As Belle and I entered our class, I found the nearest lonely man and took a seat right next to him. I didn’t waste any time; I introduced myself immediately. He was nice and that was that. One down and nine to go. Most of the rest of my day sounded just the same…one down, nine to go.

At lunch we met up with two more gentlemen from church (one of which being THE gentleman). They continued with us through the next two workshops so all hope of meeting new men was out of the question just then. I didn’t mind so much though, we had a fabulous time, the five of us. The boys were hilarious and Belle and I even somehow managed to get the three of them to the “Communication and Dating,” workshop. Before it began, I was sitting by Gentleman #1 discussing communication in dating. I’m not sure how it came up, but he said, “What do you want me to tell you?” Hmmm, I don’t think he wants to know so I quickly tried to come up with a witty answer and finally settled on, “you are supposed to read my mind.” Oh, if you only new Mr. Gentleman, if you only knew.

Okay, moving on. At dinner we were again accompanied by #8 and Heidi joined us by this point as well. The luau food was delicious and we enjoyed some fine Polynesian dancing as well. Afterward there was a concert which I would like to forget because I wasn’t impressed by the group even a little bit. I won’t mention it because you might be a fan and that is okay, just not my style I guess. The comedian show that followed wasn’t much better and there really isn’t anything significant to report about either of these events.

Finally, the part of the evening we have all been waiting for, and I was somewhat dreading. Yes, it was time for the dances! They had two dances, a top 40 dance and…dun dun dun….a country dance! Oh yeah, a chance to practice my newly acquired lack of skills!! I knew that this was my chance. My chance to redeem myself and make that goal happen…and I did. I country danced several times as men took pity on me and showed me around the dance floor. It was just as fun as I remember. Wow. I slow danced a few, met guys on the side lines and finally found myself chatting with #10! He by the way, denied me when I asked him to dance, but that’s okay. He was pretty cute and totally friendly, just not a dancer…kinda like me.

The men I danced with were each a little different. I met super young and super old (seriously, this Brazilian guy that asked me for a slow dance had to be in his late 40’s…maybe he didn’t understand that it was a YOUNG single adult conference). Oh well, I didn’t mind so much because I am on the older end as well. Some of the guys were a little shy and awkward, and some had strange tales of getting their thumb bit off by a mountain goat??

There was one guy in particular however, that I had my eye on throughout the night (Besides #1, who I did try to teach a couple of moves to by the way). This guy was wearing a pink shirt so we will call him…The Man in the Pink Shirt. Anyway, I noticed him almost immediately upon entering the dance hall/cultural hall at the institute. He was quite the dancer. He was neither unfortunate looking, nor super hot (although I do love a man in pink!). He seemed presentable, strong, and definitely knowledgeable in the country dance arena. I knew that I needed to dance with him. The problem however, was that he was quite popular…of course. He was dancing almost every time I spotted him. Finally though, finally, I caught him alone, praised his skills, and begged for guidance. And he was good! The Man in the Pink Shirt was #9…the last guy I danced with for the night. What a way to end the night. He made me look good (so I hear from my friends who I’m sure were being generous as friends do) and I hopefully didn’t make him look bad. So, so, so fun!

So, I’m happy. My last single’s conference was a success but it’s not over yet. Tonight is the fireside at the tabernacle where I will sing with the choir! Afterward there is a mingle. I probably should set a new goal for that. Maybe I can even give a way my number this time??

Goals

Today is the day of my last YSA conference ever. The more I think about that, the more excited I become. I think that I am getting used to the idea of moving on and liking it more as I go. Still though, I need to make the most of this day. My days here are not over yet, I still have a few months until I am 31. So, my goal today is to meet 10 new men. Lofty? Sure, but completely obtainable. The place should be overrun with single men....probably not very old, but single nonetheless. I am not going to be too picky and I'm not going to worry about who anyone else things I should or should not speak to. I will fearlessly approach the men and make some new friends if nothing else. I even had a dream last night of success. I met a nice guy named Chris. And he was a red sox fan.

As I approach this goal, I also want to keep in mind some truths that I stole from the "It's Your Technique" website. Another girl, with the help of the dating coach, posted these a few weeks ago and I loved them. So, here they are:

1. The kind of person I'm looking for is looking for someone like me. They will see me for what I have to offer and will respond to and invest in me.

2. When I am with someone who is emotionally mature, I can be vulnerable, imperfect, and make mistakes, and still be accepted, valued, and loved.

3. Sometimes I will feel and appear foolish, but most people don't notice or care. They are too busy thinking about themselves, their lives, and/or worrying about what others are thinking of them.

4. With God, all things are possible!

I LOVE these! They are so helpful for me, so I'm off. Off to have a successful day and meet new friends and practice interacting with the opposite sex.

Fighting

Are you over my girl drama yet? Here’s my question to those who are married. When you are married, is it the end of the stupid girl phase? I mean, do you still have girls judging you all the time, like you were in high school? Does high school EVER end?? I can’t get away from it! Maybe that’s motivation enough to move on to the older singles though. Part of my problem is probably the crowd I associate with, who associates with an even younger crowd. So, here’s the story of the day, and my latest frustration. Then we will move on to better things, promise!

I was on facebook and noticed that my friend who is good friends with Gentleman #1, was basically asking for dates on his status. He asked if anyone, or their attractive friends ,wanted to go out with him. Then, this girl who used to go to my single’s ward, and thought rather highly of herself, commented. She told him she would go out with him but that she was too far away. She suggested that he go to her old single’s ward (my ward, which he is in) because the girls there are ridiculously attractive. It was obviously sarcastic and he said, “haha, good one.”

Okay, after the last incident a few weeks ago, I couldn’t stand by and let her get away with that, without standing up for myself, and my girls. This girl never gave any of us a chance and therefore did not see the beauty in any of us! Of course my comment back to them was totally immature and stupid but it had to be done. Sadly, I think I hurt my friend’s feelings in the process. He apologized many times to me for his bad choice of words. The thing is, what did he mean to say? It wasn’t a bad choice of words because he was obviously thinking that. It was just a bad choice to express them…especially in a place where we could all see it.

THEN, this other girl who has to be like 19 but she is all married and therefore all-knowing, commented on my comment and told my friend that he needs better friends. Once again, another girl sticking her nose into something she knows nothing about. Anyway, I feel totally ridiculous for even being a part of any of this but here I find myself. I hated high school and I can’t escape it. Moments like this make me want to run, but run where?? There is nowhere to go. And seriously, am I truly that appallingly ugly? Why do girls keep saying this????

BETTER THINGS

In the man department, I have been online quite a bit more lately and received several views. Not too many guys write though. I decided to take the initiative and write a couple of them the other day though. They actually wrote me back…amazing. I replied and haven’t heard from either one since. My new strategy is to look at all the hot guys, copy and paste their, “what I’m looking for” section, and make that the section on my page that says, “about me.” Ha, it’s genius huh. I also need some new photos because I am very un-photogenic. I’m working on my photo taking skills however, and am sure I will find an acceptable one soon.

This weekend is my last YSA conference. I don’t know if it will produce any solid finds but I am going to give it a try. Every meeting opportunity is also an opportunity for future networking so I am going to keep that in mind. Also, I finally signed up for a hike next week with my hiking group. I’m way excited to meet some new people and get outdoors again! So, more dates and fun mingling are on the horizon. Now if I can just rid myself of all the negativity that I seem to be surrounded by!!

Growing Up

My morning was filled with nostalgic memories of my youth from 12 years to 21. I sat in the church where I grew up, filling the benches in my mind with others who have sat there years before, and some who still do. It is always weird for me to pass through there, as if I were home, but I’m a stranger there. I left my life there nearly ten years ago and have been wandering ever since, discovering me, looking for me. Sometimes I think I’ve stumbled upon myself, but then I go home and I wonder.


Tonight I had choir practice. Still in my nostalgic thoughts, I glanced around at my fellow singers. During our warm ups, we sang the alphabet, very quickly, with a different tune; one that involved going up and down the scale. Anyway, two young girls in front of me were dancing spastically to the tune and having a seemingly delightful time. I didn’t feel so delightful at all. I looked around and concluded, as I have often lately, that I didn’t fit in there. I don’t fit in at choir, at institute, at church, or at any other young single adult gathering. I wondered when this had happened. When did I stop fitting in? I think that maybe the past several years, I have played along and just tried, all the while, deep down, knowing that it was coming to an end and I was slowly falling out of place.

The question now though is, where do I fit in? Do I really belong in the older single crowd? I feel like I must be way too young for that. Yet as I look around the choir, I know that I must be old enough because the other choir attendees and I are in quite different places in life. I feel like I left my life at 21 and sort of stayed there while everyone else I grew up with moved on with their lives. I saw them there today, as mothers, and not of just young children either. I saw the adults I knew, having grown older while all the while, I am like a Tuck, who had drank from the fountain of youth and never aged. I feel much like the young 21 year old I was when I left there, only with a lot more wisdom and sense of self; more independence and direction, and of course, much more of life’s experiences. But still, how did I get here at this crossroad, in such a predicament?

No wonder it is so hard to know where to find men. Maybe they are having the same aging crises’. This is why I believe they are spread out, and not all in one place. There are many options for us at this point in our lives, and obviously, to each his own. As I decide what to do, I feel like I have to re-contemplate where to look. Of course I am always doing that. I’ve been online again lately, just a little. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be so harsh on the online dating world. Sometimes I think that I should give it another chance. It’s hard for me to let my pride go and really make an effort though. But maybe.

Another realization also came to me last night. As I sat at my niece’s baptism, (my true love did not appear…just so you know) I looked at the program and saw that all four of the young one’s getting baptized were girls. Here is the problem! Of course they were all girls. It just goes to show that there is a shortage of men, even from a young age. The girls are the ones getting baptized while the boys are doing who knows what. Starting a life of crime I imagine…and leaving us girls to fend for ourselves! Okay, maybe it’s not that dramatic, but I thought it was no wonder that there are so many of us roaming the earth, looking for a decent older man.

My 31st birthday is quickly approaching and with it, much change. I guess that’s the reason for my inward struggle and reflection of my past. Also, they are changing the single’s wards a little here, combining some stakes and things like that. Those in my little branch are excited for the change. It brings hope and possibility to them. To me, it is an end. It’s an end of this age of self-discovery, and a point at which I must move forward with my life, as an adult; one who is independent and self-driven, yet still hopeful of possibility, just unsure of where to find it.

Maybe Next Week

Crazy, crazy, crazy week! It’s the last week of school which means that it’s my last week of work for the summer. This is a good thing! As a result however, I have been running around, between all eight of the schools I teach at, trying to get things organized and shut down for the year. Every night it seems I have also been occupied with other things like my institute class (which I have continued for the summer), and volunteering. Between things, I have done my best to get in some good workouts. There has hardly been a spare second to think about me…or men. Let’s look back at the week though, and see where we are, men wise.

I guess we could start the week with Sunday right? I wrote a little bit about Sunday when writing about #8 but didn’t go into much detail. Sunday was a pretty good day. There were people at church which always makes me happy for some reason. One in particular, I’m just sayin. I had a good time mingling with a lot of people Sunday. Some old friends came back and we had a huge feast after church. No lies, it was huge. Most popular for the boys though, was the deep fryer outside. Are you kidding me? The person providing such disgusting ‘treats’ brought everything you can think of to deep fry. There were oreos, candy bars, twinkies, etc. It was like boy Heaven. It was fun to mingle with many of them (lots of laughs and smiles with #1 during church), and my girl friends as well.

Sunday night I went to Heidi’s ward prayer. She hosted so it was a good opportunity to go and see what her ward had to offer. It quickly became apparent however, that what her ward had to offer, was not for me. The first few guys that showed up couldn’t have been much older than 18. If they were, they didn’t look or act like it. While I love being reminded of just how long ago 18 was, I’m thinking that a lifetime of it probably wouldn’t be the best idea. They were out.

So, I was talking to my friend Faith about my prospects. I told her that there was a new guy in my institute class that I was definitely going to talk to this week. As I was telling her this, I turned around and he was right behind me! Weird!! Who knew that he was in my friend’s ward. And that she knew him. Anyway, I told Heidi and she revealed his name to me. She later spoke to him but I didn’t meet him. I had to leave fairly early on to get to choir practice. No loss though, my friends were fun but the guys….

That brings us to choir. Interesting rehearsal. I was quite late and ended up just behind choir boy’s sister. Great, she had me singing in her ear all night. I didn’t have a chance to talk to her. Afterward I did hear her mention her brother to someone. Ha!! I told you it was her brother. I walked past him waiting for her on my way out and I smiled at him. He smiled back. They walked out just behind me. I realized on closer look, that maybe I wasn’t all that interested. I’m not interested enough to pursue him anyway. If he wants to approach me, that would be cool.

The only other instance this week where men were involved was institute. The boy was there sitting in the same place as last week. He smiled at Heidi and then class began. Afterward, she talked to him for awhile and we all decided to head up to the mingle. As we did so, I found myself alone with him and her. I finally took the chance to introduce myself. After hearing him converse both nights, I wasn’t so sure what I thought of him. Then, on the way up to the mingle (or the see and be seen) he mentioned that he and his girlfriend of one year had just broken up. It was kind of weird when he started talking about that and I was quickly over it. So, there ya have it. Nothing!

I’ve been waiting and waiting to find this jackpot of older men with depth and establishment, as well as direction in their lives. The thing is, I don’t think they are all hanging out together after all. In fact, I’m pretty sure they are all spread out, so I am really going to have to get my detective skills on to find some of them. I am headed out of town once again this weekend but next week I plan to hit the streets extra hard. I have a lot of ground to make up for months of slacking off!!

P.S...I'm going to my niece's baptism this weekend. I'm pretty sure that's where I'll meet my soul mate so don't even be surprised if I get married while in Vegas over the weekend, or just come back with a new man on the list. Just kidding, but maybe...