People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ask the Experts

I know we all say that we are sick of ‘the game.’ I think that I am more tired of the game than anyone! I mean, how many of the same ysa activities can I go to…or do I have to subject myself to? Cardboard box cars and a movie…again… really?? Anyway, dating is a game and there is no giving up on it so, I am determined to get better at it. Being left to my own devices over the last 30 years has gotten me nowhere. So, now what? Well, having just completed a master’s degree, I have learned the importance of…research! I’m not afraid to learn a little more about how it’s done and what I can do to improve because obviously, improvement is necessary. I mean, I get along well with guys honestly. Over the last several years, I have had many man friends. They think I’m funny and seem to enjoy talking to me but something is keeping them from wanting anything more than friendship with me. I’m doing what I can about the looks so it’s time to look a little deeper. I’m in the middle of two fabulous books that I think everyone would benefit from. The first one is a classic:

So, what does Dr. Gray have to say? Well, I am not too far into the book just yet but so far, he has some great ideas. I often find myself nodding in agreement, saying ‘yes,’ that’s sooo true! This book is great for married couples as well as those of us looking to begin a relationship because let’s face it, men and women think differently and if we don’t understand each other, how can we build a solid relationship? I misinterpret the things guys do all the time. I mean, look at my date with gentleman #1. I thought he was into it and me…well, I have been misinterpreting him for months apparently…but nope, I can see now that I was way off! Anyway, what I am taking from this book so far is that I should not jump to any conclusions about what the male gender is thinking or feeling at any given time. This is difficult because if they look at me the wrong way, I often feel rejected and hurt when really, they may have been looking at me but thinking about something completely different. So, thanks Dr. Gray, I’ll work on that and when I read more of this book, I will let the rest of you know what other useful pieces of advice I pick up to aid in my quest for love!

Okay, book number two is a little newer. This one was given to me by my mother a few years ago. Even then she was worried about my lack of dating and marriage prospects.

I did read this a few years ago but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to review it again now. My brother thinks I am lame to read these books but he (Dr. Phil) honestly has some good advice. If there is anything I don’t agree with, I just throw it out the window and take the good. Having just started this one again, I will share what I have picked up so far. First thing you should know before you enter the dating scene is what you are looking for. People often suggest to me that maybe I am too picky or things like that but seriously, how can you be too picky with eternity? Also, if it was okay for them to find a man that they truly loved and didn’t have to settle for, why is that not okay for me? Now I know that no one is perfect, but there are things that are important to me and that is okay! So, I know roughly what I want, what is most important to me, and what I can live without.

Next on the list…me. It’s true, we do need to understand who we are and what it is that we have to bring to a relationship. I know, I said I hate it when people tell me to love myself so that someone else will love me but in many ways, it’s sound enough advice. I think that when people tell me this, I get frustrated because I feel like they are telling me that I don’t love myself but just because I am discouraged about a relationship not working out, does not mean that I don’t love myself. Anyway, as Dr. Phil advises, we have to, “identify the characteristics that set you apart from the women around you and make you the soloist in the choir of your life.” Despite how badly we just want to blend in (or at least me anyway) and not be noticed at this point in our lives, we should be trying to stand out (in a good way) more than ever. So, it’s time to look a little closer at me and what makes me unique and learn how to play that up in social situations so that I can be the girl that stands out, not that was forgotten the second I left the room.

Anyway, some good stuff from some people that know what they’re talking about. I’m going to keep studying so that I can understand these men a little better and understand myself a little better as well. It’s not easy in the face of mass rejection which I am currently experiencing in the realm of the online dating scene but, every time I get on there, I just take a deep breath and keep on trying! I don’t know that I will meet my goal for this week but I do hope to score at least one date, just to say I’ve given it a fair try. Next week I will be on the prowl in Salt Lake City looking for the next man on the list so stay tuned!


Tacy said...

Did you know you really are a good writer, Teresa? To be honest, I usually like blogs for the pictures. If I see a lot of text, I usually skip over it, but I LOVE reading all your stuff! I think you have a hidden talent that is starting to come out and I think that is great! I can't wait to read more and see how your quest goes. I hope for the best!

Livin it up said...

Haha, thanks! I really love it...when it doesn't involve research papers for grad school!

Heidi said...

I bet you will find someone before you date all 40!! I bet you money!! Love your blog!

Livin it up said...

I hope so because that sounds intimidating right now! The lady that kind of gave me the idea, was told to do the same thing but she only made it to 24. We'll see!