Finding

Obviously the men are hiding, right? From what I hear, they're out there somewhere. I guess in order for me to find them I have to get out of my house. Next week, after the holiday's sizzle and things get back to normal, I will have more time to hit the town in search of my true love! The magnitude of this experiment has been weighing down on me today. None the less, I am committed and will take on this city, one man at a time! As I have been thinking about how to execute this clossal undertaking, some ideas as to where to find these men have come to mind. Soon they will be lined up and awaiting their chance with me.

Okay, maybe not, but hopefully I can find a few. For starters, I am going to ask the people I know...and trust...if they know anyone they can set me up with. I know, nobody wants to be set up. At the same time, it's more fun to go out than to sit at home dreaming about it. And...if the date is bad, it definitely makes for a good story later. Oh man, I have some good ones!! It's a win/win situation really.

Next on the list, I am planning on just putting myself out there. When people invite me out, I go out, whether I want to or not. If I'm out, I'm more likely to run into a hottie, right? As much as I'd love him to show up on my doorstep, I'm thinking that the possibilities of that happening are slim to none. Tonight I am going to a party at a friends house. I'm not sure who will be there. She knows some people that I don't so there is a slight possibility that I might meet some new people. Even if they are not options for dating, networking is always a possibility right? So...my goal tonight is to talk to everyone there and make sure that they know who I am. See, I'm following Dr. Phil's advice already...being noticed. I'm usually pretty funny once I warm up to people so I am just going to try to let loose and have some fun! Not sure where it will get me but at least I won't be hangin out with my parents! (Love them but they aren't really helping me out in the EC department).

Finally, by putting myself out there, I am going to explore some places around town and popular hang outs, take institute classes, go to any activities that I know about and continue in the single's ward...for now. Wow..2010 is sure to be filled with some good times, or at least some interesting stories. Either way, I'll keep you posted and you won't be disappointed!

Ask the Experts

I know we all say that we are sick of ‘the game.’ I think that I am more tired of the game than anyone! I mean, how many of the same ysa activities can I go to…or do I have to subject myself to? Cardboard box cars and a movie…again… really?? Anyway, dating is a game and there is no giving up on it so, I am determined to get better at it. Being left to my own devices over the last 30 years has gotten me nowhere. So, now what? Well, having just completed a master’s degree, I have learned the importance of…research! I’m not afraid to learn a little more about how it’s done and what I can do to improve because obviously, improvement is necessary. I mean, I get along well with guys honestly. Over the last several years, I have had many man friends. They think I’m funny and seem to enjoy talking to me but something is keeping them from wanting anything more than friendship with me. I’m doing what I can about the looks so it’s time to look a little deeper. I’m in the middle of two fabulous books that I think everyone would benefit from. The first one is a classic:

So, what does Dr. Gray have to say? Well, I am not too far into the book just yet but so far, he has some great ideas. I often find myself nodding in agreement, saying ‘yes,’ that’s sooo true! This book is great for married couples as well as those of us looking to begin a relationship because let’s face it, men and women think differently and if we don’t understand each other, how can we build a solid relationship? I misinterpret the things guys do all the time. I mean, look at my date with gentleman #1. I thought he was into it and me…well, I have been misinterpreting him for months apparently…but nope, I can see now that I was way off! Anyway, what I am taking from this book so far is that I should not jump to any conclusions about what the male gender is thinking or feeling at any given time. This is difficult because if they look at me the wrong way, I often feel rejected and hurt when really, they may have been looking at me but thinking about something completely different. So, thanks Dr. Gray, I’ll work on that and when I read more of this book, I will let the rest of you know what other useful pieces of advice I pick up to aid in my quest for love!



Okay, book number two is a little newer. This one was given to me by my mother a few years ago. Even then she was worried about my lack of dating and marriage prospects.

I did read this a few years ago but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to review it again now. My brother thinks I am lame to read these books but he (Dr. Phil) honestly has some good advice. If there is anything I don’t agree with, I just throw it out the window and take the good. Having just started this one again, I will share what I have picked up so far. First thing you should know before you enter the dating scene is what you are looking for. People often suggest to me that maybe I am too picky or things like that but seriously, how can you be too picky with eternity? Also, if it was okay for them to find a man that they truly loved and didn’t have to settle for, why is that not okay for me? Now I know that no one is perfect, but there are things that are important to me and that is okay! So, I know roughly what I want, what is most important to me, and what I can live without.

Next on the list…me. It’s true, we do need to understand who we are and what it is that we have to bring to a relationship. I know, I said I hate it when people tell me to love myself so that someone else will love me but in many ways, it’s sound enough advice. I think that when people tell me this, I get frustrated because I feel like they are telling me that I don’t love myself but just because I am discouraged about a relationship not working out, does not mean that I don’t love myself. Anyway, as Dr. Phil advises, we have to, “identify the characteristics that set you apart from the women around you and make you the soloist in the choir of your life.” Despite how badly we just want to blend in (or at least me anyway) and not be noticed at this point in our lives, we should be trying to stand out (in a good way) more than ever. So, it’s time to look a little closer at me and what makes me unique and learn how to play that up in social situations so that I can be the girl that stands out, not that was forgotten the second I left the room.

Anyway, some good stuff from some people that know what they’re talking about. I’m going to keep studying so that I can understand these men a little better and understand myself a little better as well. It’s not easy in the face of mass rejection which I am currently experiencing in the realm of the online dating scene but, every time I get on there, I just take a deep breath and keep on trying! I don’t know that I will meet my goal for this week but I do hope to score at least one date, just to say I’ve given it a fair try. Next week I will be on the prowl in Salt Lake City looking for the next man on the list so stay tuned!

Online Dating...Are you kidding me?!

I don't know about you but I just love it when people try to give me advice about my marital status or my life as a result of my marital status. No offense to my great married friends who are just trying to help out but if you say any of the following things to a single person, think twice about it and try not to okay:

"It'll happen when you least expect it"

"You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you"

"Are you feeling like it's right? Do you feel like you are ready?"

"When it's right, it'll happen"

"Have you prayed about it?"

"You are such a cute girl, how come nobody has snatched you up yet??"
AND...my favorite:
"Have you tried the internet?"
Oh my goodness, if I have to hear any of these pieces of advice or anything like unto them one more time... Anyway, not the point. The point is, the advice is not bad, I just don't want to hear about it anymore. I may have figured some of these things out on my own over the last 30 years that I have had to contemplate my singleness. Today however, we are going to talk a little bit about the last one, "have you tried the internet?" Well, I honestly am one of the biggest opponents of internet dating. I have been on several of the sites briefly and have been appalled at the boldness of people when they are not face to face...and I don't mean bold in a good way. In lite of my new experiment however, I decided to give it a fair try. Well, that and my brother who is equally opposed made me enter a pact with him to date one guy this week from the internet!
Due to my very objectionable attitude toward internet dating, I wasn't about to sign on with a site that I had to pay for, so I went for a free one. After a few days of searching, I can't say that my attitude has gotten any better on the matter. For starters, the guys on there are lame!! I guess it's just like in real life, it takes a whole lot of weeding out to find a decent man. There have been a few that have caught my eye however. So, you find a decent guy's profile, then what?? Well, I have tried emailing several, taking a different approach every time. Sometimes I'm funny, sometimes serious, I comment on something about their profile, on a picture...anything to try and get their attention. Out of the several that I have emailed, I have only had 2 guys respond. One of them pretty much gave up after I posted my picture...nice. The other one was only 23, need I say more? Now, I'm not the prettiest girl around but I really don't think of myself as completely unfortunate looking?? I take care of myself, I workout, dress nicely, wear make-up, etc. I really cannot compete with these other girls on there though. Seriously, are you sure you're LDS?? Some of their pics are pretty, hmmm...how to keep this appropriate? You get what I'm saying, right? So yeah, so far I can't say that I'm having a whole lot of luck but when I find a technique that works, I will let you know. Online dating seems to be one challenge after another. What pics do I put up? Then, what do I say that won't make me sound like every other lame sauce girl out there? How do I find a decent guy? When I do, how do I get their attention? So many things to contemplate and figure out but I will conquer the world of online dating...or at least get one date so that I can fulfill my pact with the bro! I'll keep you posted!

Me...Me...Me

In situations such as I find myself currently in, I like to step back and reflect on who I am and what it is that I have to offer in a relationship. It has always been a practice of mine to make goals for myself and to be constantly involved in moving forward with my life, no matter my circumstances. I have served a mission, received bachelors and masters degrees, found success as a teacher, bought a house, traveled to 25 states and tried a lot of new things. Despite all of these accomplishments, I now find myself wondering, what now?? What else can I do to feel like my life is full of purpose and meaning rather than sitting around waiting for marriage to find me? I have recently re-evaluated and made some new goals for myself. As I continue this journey, I will frequently evaluate my goals and set new ones where needed. Some of these goals are in relation to interests that I have and some are areas that I feel need developing to make myself more attractive to the male population!

First, and I know this is generic and probably everyone's goal but still, I have been working hard to lose weight and get in shape. This year I have lost 45 pounds which I feel great about. I love exercising and being able to move around a lot easier and participate in sports without feeling so self-conscious. I also love shopping for new clothes...yeah!! Okay, despite all that, I still have about 38 pounds until my goal weight. Yep, I let myself get pretty outta shape last year but I'm taking care of it. My new motto is: Skinny by Summer! Yeah, everyone says that looks shouldn't matter but ya know what, I certainly am attracted to a man that looks good so I can't blame him for checkin out the way I look either. He just has to be able to get past my hot self and apprectiate the deeper part of me as well. So yeah...lose weight and be healthy, goal #one!

Next, I am working on something that is more of an interest for myself. I am a musician, a violinist in fact, and it is my goal/dream to get into a certain orchestra. Now that I have finished my masters degree, I have a whole lot more time on my hands. So, the goal here is just to get in shape on my violin again and audition for the orchestra. Playing in it would be such an amazing experience, at least for a while!

Goal number three, learn more about sports! I recently played in a volleyball tournament with the boys from my ward and we were HORRIBLE! It was embarrasing, really. A couple weeks later, I played football with them and it was there that I vowed to become better at sports and learn more about what they are all about. This is definitely not an area of expertise for me. I didn't grow up in a family of athletes that's for sure. As a result, I know nothing! I love to participate from time to time though, so I will get better so that I can actually be an asset to the team rather than whatever it is I am right now!

Okay, last goal for now has to do with church. Next year we are studying the Old Testament in Sunday School and every time we do this, I say that it's the year I will actually read the whole Old Testament. Yeah, that hasn't happened yet. So...it really is the year, I promise! You will be amazed at my progress as I update on here. I usually try to read it with the study manuals and it's pretty long so this year, I am going to just try and read it. Maybe some other day I will try to understand it better...if that's possible?? Just kidding, I will try but I really do want to be able to read the entire thing.

So, there you have it...my goals for now. I will keep you posted on my progress and you can kick my booty into shape when I'm slacking. Making goals keeps my mind off of my lack of success at dating and helps me feel like I am becoming more of the person I want to be and in turn, a person that others will want to be around!

P.S...the boy still didn't show up to church today...so weird and not like him! It's pretty much killing me cause I just want things back to normal. So glad for this blog and my goals to keep me distracted!!

Gentleman #1

What started this crazy journey that I now find myself approaching?? Well, I went on a date last week with a really nice guy that I have had my sites set on for quite some time. This particular cutie is in my singles ward. Through months of encouragement from my friends, I finally got up the courage to ask him out. This was no easy feat for me and happened to be against my "no asking guys out" policy. I finally decided to throw that out the window however, and I told him that I thought he should hang out with me. He accepted and we planned for that Friday. Thursday morning though, he called me before I went to work, telling me that he got called into work for the weekend and asking if we could re-schedule. My hopes were pretty much shattered at that point because I knew there was no way that I could ask him again another time. To my surprise however, he asked me when would be a good time. We eventually settled on a day the next week.

I thought the date went really well. He was a real gentleman. He had offered to drive which I was secretly hoping he would! He came to my door to get me and continued his gentlemanly ways throughout the date, opening my doors for me and things like that. We had great converstation, we talked about everything, we laughed, we smiled, it seemed great! We went downtown to the California Pizza Kitchen, a favorite of mine. He had never been there but he loved it, or so he says. We shared a pizza, talked, and just enjoyed hanigin. It's a pretty busy place, full of people so the atmosphere is a lot of fun. Somehow we got on the subject of shopping...I think he asked if I had finished my Christmas shopping. Anyway, I told him that I like shopping for clothes and shoes (he asked!). He was kind of laughing at me and asked me how many pairs of shoes I had. He seemed impressed that it was under 25 but maybe I shouldn't have revealed that about me just yet?? On the other hand, I have known him for over a year and have been shooting with him, played football and volleyball with him, etc. It's not like all I ever do is go shopping or anything but that's who I am...I like it!

Well, after dinner, we headed over to the Clark Planetarium. It's kind of a cool place! We just looked around for awhile at the exhibits, played with the giant pinball machine, took some of the quizes, and browsed the gift shop looking at all the ridiculous but entertaining items for sale. Good times! Finally, it was time for our show to start. We saw, "Rock on Demand." Wow, just walking into the dome theater is pretty awesome. The screen is like the entire ceiling. It's a laser light show and this one starts with all of us in the audience voting for the songs we want to see from a pretty big list. They definitely had some great options, real classics in the world of Rock. As it turns out, the boy and I differed slightly in our opinions of some of these bands. He's not into the Beattles or U2?? Anyway, the show was pretty much amazing! It turned out to be quite spectacular. Afterward, I had no other plans and he didn't suggest anything else so, he took me home. He went the longest and slowest way home I might add and we continued to have great conversation and good times all the way home. It was a weeknight so I didn't think too much of getting home earlyish. Anyway, he walked me to my door, gave me a good hug and was on his way. I have not heard or seen from him since! He skipped the ward Christmas party and church the next day. I had emailed him the day after our date and I thought it was casual but just thanked him again for hangin out and told him I had a lot of fun. By Sunday, I was really starting to wonder where he was. I called him but he wasn't available and here we are, a week later and still...nothing!!

As usual, I was completely crushed! Well, I still am, but I decided to fight the feelings of hopelessness and self pity and pick myself up and try again. So, I'm here to do just that. To live my life and keep on trying, even in the face of constant rejection! There is someone out there for me, I know it! I have a lot to offer and someday, soon hopefully, someone will recognize this. So, here I am with challenge ahead of me with 39 guys to date. Wish me luck!!