Just Me and the Guys

I’ve had so many thought about this post all week. Now that I am here actually sitting down to write it, I have no idea what I was going to say! Last Saturday night however, I hung out with four guys…just me and them. I love moments like that. I don’t know why, but it just boosts my self esteem somehow, even though I’m just one of the guys. Maybe it has something to do with all the brothers I have, I don’t know. Anyway though, we went to see “Sherlock Holmes.” The flick was pretty good and of course sitting between a couple of guys never hurt anyone either. It is unfortunate that not a single one of them is a potential for me. It is times like this however, that I feel like I can get a small glimpse into the secret man world and take a lot of mental notes for future use. I like man friends. 

As for the rest of the manly world, it’s been a tough week. I feel like my life’s lesson is to learn how to face defeat…repeatedly! Monday was the worst but things have been picking up ever since. Here’s how it went down. First of all, I knew things have been on the downhill slide with Mr. Manly but I had face reality and come to that awful realization that, “he’s just not that into me.” Bleh…story of my life! I am grateful for honest friends who help me recognize that because no matter how hard you try to tell it to yourself, you are almost always blinded when it is yourself you are evaluating. I’ve tried to step back so many times and ask myself what I would tell a friend in my situation. Anyway, the point is, he is just not making an effort and now it’s been over a week since I’ve heard from him with no sign of him communicating any time in the near future.

Now, it’s not that I knew him super well, though we did communicate quite a bit to one another, it’s just that facing rejection in general is hard. Facing the prospect of starting all over once again…also painful. It’s hard to hold onto hope in this type of situation when it seems that all you do is push guys away. Anyway though, moving on with the story. 

After my awakening a good friend texted me and invited me over to her mom’s house to play games. She happens to be Mr. (not so) Keeper’s sister. He showed up shortly after myself. Thankfully his tiny, blonde, barely 21 year old girlfriend decided not to come. Still, it was a painful day to see him, when faced with yet another rejection…feeling like I would never be good enough for anyone! Still, the night turned out to be quite fun. I even laughed! It felt good to laugh! Then I came home. Just as I was getting ready for bed, I got a text. It was from hottie home teacher who I have had a secret crush on for months! I was excited…for like two seconds. It was a text announcing to the world his engagement. Awesome! I knew nothing would ever happen there but hey, it was still nice to dream once in awhile. I didn’t even know he was dating anyone. To me, it just seemed like yet another failure. 

Despite Monday’s awfulness, I have picked myself back up and am hoping for good things now and in the future. There are still many possibilities out there…even though at times it seems there are none! I’m keeping an open mind about it. I’m also enjoying time to improve myself and continue to do things that I can control and that help me to feel empowered. This is important for me when I feel so helpless at the one thing I want more than any other. I’m excited about life and the future and just living right now! I feel loved and appreciated by many amazing friends, family, and colleagues. I have a lot to give and I am excited to share with anyone in need of my offerings. Life is good and it’s going to be an amazing year!