The Life and Times of a 30 Something Single Female

It’s a life of adventure I lead and you never know which direction that adventure is headed. These past couple of weeks have held some of the most entertaining moments in my single life, filled with the ups and downs that come from life itself. Energy, vibe, got it goin on…all terms we’ve used to describe the moments in life when you attract in abundance by some unknown force, members of the opposite gender. Lately it feels that in many ways I’ve been sending out this vibe at a high frequency, so much so that I’m attracting an unearthly amount of unwanted attention from the freak side of the male species. Let’s start with last weekend shall we?

It’s taken awhile but I’ve recently realized that I am finally breaking into the single adult crowd and starting to feel more comfortable. I’ve associated with several different groups in my unusually large ward and feel like I am starting to recognize more and more people wherever I go. In fact, I’ve almost become quite comfortable. As a result of my determination to continue the ongoing and new found socialization amongst strangers, I accepted an invite from a friend to a dinner/game night party with a group from the ward. I didn’t know anyone else there but that wasn’t a problem.  Dinner was fine but the real party began back at the house of the girl who was hosting.

Everyone left the restaurant at the same time but somehow my friend and I were among the first to arrive. This provided us with first dibs on the many different seating options. Of course we took the couch, who wouldn’t? Well, certainly the other guy that arrived with us wasn’t about to miss out and I was his lucky seatmate. Let me just say that the night involved a lot of unsolicited, and might I add somewhat awkward, cuddling as Mr. Friendly inched closer and closer to me as the night progressed. By the time we were through he was practically on my lap and we could have fit another person on the couch with us. All the while he kept staring at me. I don’t know if you have ever experienced that but it’s bad enough when someone stares but starting at such close proximity just makes things about 100 times more uncomfortable. 

The group as a whole turned out to be fairly delightful company if somewhat on the odd side. No complaining though, it was nice to get out and meet new people and play games that were somewhat fun for me. I figured I’d be seeing more familiar faces at church on Sunday and that meant more people to say hi to me. I did in fact see a new but familiar face. Yep, it was Mr. Friendly the couch cuddler. We had a short 30 second and very strained conversation that mostly consisted of, “how are you?” “Good, how are you?” “Good, so how’s it going?” and on and on. Figures. 

When Monday rolled around I was feeling good about life and how things were turning out for the moment. Later on in the day a friend asked if I was going to FHE. I hadn’t planned on it because I learned early on who goes to the activities in this ward and it’s not the people I generally would associate with. Even so, my friend needed a wing man so I offered my services. As soon as I walked in I ran into an old colleague who is male. A friend of mine went out with him once and warned me not to do the same. Still, he was talking to me and there was nothing I could do about it so I stayed and chatted for a few. We were standing between the rows of chairs and in one of those chairs was another man. He interrupted our conversation, called me by name and said that he didn’t know me as well as the guy I was talking to but that if I didn’t have anywhere else to sit, I should sit in the chair next to him. Ummm, I had no good excuses…well, except that my friend was there and I was actually headed to sit by her. Still, I couldn’t think straight because I was trying to figure out if I did indeed actually know this man, so I just sat down. I continued to talk to the colleague but this new guy kept interrupting our convo so he finally left. The new guy was quite friendly but very poorly dressed and had a strong smell that I’m not sure how to describe. I’m positive we had never met before.

Finally the activity was ready to begin. We were watching old school LDS films such as “The Phone Call,” and “Johnny Lingo.” Thankfully I was in the center of the room and the guy in charge told me that I might want to move because my head would be in the picture. Done! I told the new guy that I was going to go sit by my friend but for some reason, because I am sometimes too nice, I told him he could come with if he wanted. He eagerly obliged. Throughout all of the movies he kept trying to talk to me with dumb comments. At one point he grabbed my arm in some sort of dramatic act for what reason I cannot remember. All I remember is that the placement was not good and he may have touched me inappropriately! Not his fault really, it was dark, but still… 

When the movies ended the new guy called me by name and said, “so, what do girls want?” Since our movies had been about dating and marriage I guess he was inspired. To me the question was awkward so I told him that we all want different things. This is true anyway, isn’t it? That answer did not satisfy him so he said, “what do YOU like?” I was tempted to answer with, “not you” but I refrained. Instead I changed the subject and said, “Chocolate, Thai food, etc…” It worked and we moved on. He told me where he served his mission and I replied that I had a friend who served there also. He intently asked me if it was a boy or a girl. The way he asked made me feel like I was cheating on the man or something. Of course it was a guy friend. He didn’t want to know who it was, just their gender. Mr. Leech FINALLY found someone else’s blood to suck and turned away from me so I was able to actually visit with the friend I came for. Whew! 

What a weekend! But it didn’t necessarily end there. As we were walking out, who did we run into? My couch buddy. There was another girl there that I like so I said hi to her and another seemingly normal guy. They were with another man however, who apparently needed practice asking girls to dance so they asked me to dance with him. I let him come and ask me and we danced for a minute. Uncomfortable, that’s all. We finally made an escape and I have stayed in my cave ever since, avoiding any further encounters that may end up leading to paths where I do not wish to go. An update on the more normal side of the gender is soon to come!