Mr. Boyfriend

Last week’s conversation with my mom went down like this:

Mom: “So, I hear you have a date tonight.”

Me: “Yep, I sure do.”

Mom: “I told dad earlier that these are more of ‘meet and greets’ rather than actual dates since you meet each other for like 5 minutes.”

Me: “Well, he’s taking me to dinner and then we are going to a jr. high concert.”

Mom: “Oh wow, he’s actually taking you to dinner huh? Not to one of these cupcake places for a quick meeting?”

Me: “Haha, I’ve never been to a cupcake place.”

Last week I decided to get back online after a short 2 month break. You know that I’m not a quitter and I’m never going to give up so, as disappointed as I have been in the male population that is left for the picking these days, I decided to get back on the old internet and put myself through the torture of it all once again. I sifted through hundreds of emails that had been sent to me in my absence. Among them I found a cute boy that had tried to contact me a month ago. I wrote back and soon had his number. I texted him, didn’t hear back, texted again and eventually wrote him on the site. He then finally decided to text me back! Ever since then, it’s been bliss. He called me and we set up a date for the next evening…the day of the conversation with my mom.

He had invited me to dinner. Later it was dinner and a movie and whatever else. I informed him that I had a middle school orchestra concert to attend that night so it was either just dinner, or he come with me to the concert afterward. He agreed to come to the concert. I was a little surprised and kind of nervous. What if he didn’t like me? What if I didn’t like him? And then we were stuck with each other for a long evening. It turned out however that I did like him. And he seemed to like me pretty well too.

I met up with him that evening and we went to dinner at “Iggy’s.” He told me his life story and I did my best to answer his questions about mine. It was delightful. We shared our food, we talked, we laughed (yay!) and I spilled red sauce on my white undershirt. Embarrassing! He was nice and knew I was embarrassed so he just made sure to bring it up a few more times the rest of the night. Well, at first he assured me it was fine. Then after seeing me constantly self conscious about it, he decided to remind me it was there from time to time. I loved his sense of humor though. 

After dinner we made our trek up North to visit a girl that I used to teach. She likes to think I am her “second mom” so I try to support her when I can. She was playing in a middle school orchestra concert and I thought it was SO awesome of Mr. Boyfriend to commit to coming with me to such an  event which can at times be painful on the ears! We sat right behind her mom and sister who both highly approved of my date for the night. When he walked out for a minute they excitedly told me how hot he was. Uh yeah…and he was with me! I was pretty proud because he is pretty dang good looking!! We made the concert fun, teasing each other in small ways throughout. He would also put his arm through mine or just reach over and squeeze me knee from time to time. He’s flirty and silly and I absolutely love that in a man! He also got along really well with my faux daughter and her family. More points for him! 

After the concert we made our way back to his house. He showed me some Youtube videos. The first was of a famous violinist. I'm a fan but...it turns out he’s also a big fan. What? A cultured man too? Yep, it’s true. He told me about DaVinci’s art in “Ever After,” (uh yeah, he likes chick flicks too but no worries, he’s also VERY manly), he shared with me his love for the city of love…aka Paris, and we watched some silly videos as well. I was pretty happy. I didn’t stay long. He was super respectful of me, not trying to make out at all. Ahh refreshing. He let me go early since I had to work in the morning. He walked me to my car, gave me a great hug and a tiny little kiss or two. It was just perfect! I left the date a pretty happy girl!

He wanted me to text him when I got home (this hasn’t happened since pilot #1) which just made me like him all the more. I did and he said he loved being with me that night. The next morning he texted me and wished me a happy half day at work and assured me (as he had mentioned the night before) that he still wanted to make a date of Saturday night. That evening he called me a couple of times. By then, I was getting pretty sick with a cold! He wouldn’t allow it and I tried to follow his advice but I just had to succumb after awhile!

The next morning he again texted me for awhile and as I was still sick, he told me he would bring me dinner and some movies and come take care of me. How sweet! So, he came over that night with a couple of good chick flicks! We went to dinner, stopped at a friend’s party, and then went to my house to watch, “Midnight in Paris” (his favorite).  During the movie he asked if I wanted to be a couple. I really like him so far so I accepted…because FINALLY a guy is willing to commit at some level!! Hallelujah!! Seriously, I date guys for months and they continue to date the rest of the world and they NEVER commit! So, it doesn’t matter where this goes, I’m glad to give it a shot for now, and so is he. We’ve hung out a few more times and I love every minute of it! He is so dang sweet to me but also intelligent, delightful company! So…this is the story of Mr. Boyfriend and I. So far. To be continued of course!

Metamorphosis

I was recently reading a past post about my introduction to the mid single world. I remember that time well. My last couple of years in my twenties were spent dreading the day that I turned 30 and hoping with everything in me that I would be married before then. I had no idea what to expect and I was pretty much just freaking out! The older singles were intimidating and well…it all just seemed highly unattractive to me. I judged a little harshly at first, denying with everything in me that I could possibly be in the same boat as they. But time kept moving forward, no matter what I did, and I was soon thrown into the mid singles world without a choice or second thought.

Thankfully when it was time for my exit, many others were in a similar situation. We flocked to the mid singles wards in droves. I felt part of something. Part of a mass exit from the young single’s world but also part of a herd of naughty children being thrust into our fate for not living up to the expectations of the world. It was sad. And scary. But I decided to give it a try. It is easy at first glance to notice the misfits; to wonder if that is you, and to wonder if this is a life sentence or just a short nightmare that will soon end with a heroic save from Prince Charming who was just waiting for the perfect moment to surprise you with his grand entrance into your life.

For months I struggled. I did not feel like I belonged. Still, I kept going. I kept trying. I had faith that someday my life would feel normal again. I’m not sure when it happened exactly but I realized recently that I belong. That these are my people. This is where I am supposed to be and who I am supposed to be. In many ways I am content. I’m still waiting and hoping for that grand entrance of course, but I don’t necessarily feel like it’s for a save. I feel like its purpose is for progression and further happiness in my life.

Each Sunday I go to church. I have spent many such visits looking around, watching the people that I associate with. I know these people and I love them. Often in our women’s meeting I look around and feel a little sad for many, knowing that we all are hoping for the same thing but that it isn’t in our plan right now to have it. Often however, I notice that I associate with some of the absolute most talented, intelligent, beautiful, creative, strong women in the world.  I don’t know why none of us are married but wow, we are quite the group! You should hear the harmonies as we sing, the discussions we have during our lessons, and the visits with each other outside of class time. I’m blessed to know such great people and to be a part of them.

Change in life is always hard. It’s intimidating and scary. Every time I bring my younger friends to church with me, I know exactly how they are feeling and as they express their thoughts to me I nod but think inside, “just wait…you don’t know what I know!” Sure we have all kinds, but the world is a much more beautiful and interesting place with variety and diversity. It’s also comforting to know that there is a place for everyone. There are many there who will never marry but they have the opportunity to belong, to serve, and to be social. I don’t love that I am 33 and still single. I want to get married and to move on. But the people I associate with aren’t so bad. There are an increasing amount of amazing people being thrust into my path and social circles weekly. Attitude and perception are the key. Happiness is still a possibility.

Where's MY Waldo: The Search Continues

Yes, I once again let a short interim come between you and I but I’m still here. Still searching high and low for Mr. Right, and sometimes I must say, it’s a lot like looking for Waldo. Tonight’s search seemed to reflect that anyway. I have many good single friends but tonight I hung out with a girl that I’ve been friends with for a long time yet haven’t seen in awhile. It was great to catch up and just have a good time. We were on a mission though. The mission was basically, find my man! The problem? Well, you know what they say about location right? I may not have chosen the best place for the search but it seemed like a fun activity either way.

Yes, my reunited friend and I decided that tonight we should take our search party to downtown Salt Lake City, Ut where the lights of temple square were beckoning us to come. There were a lot of lights and a lot of people…couples in particular. Those who have been there know it’s like THE place for couples to go this time of year. Besides that, it’s THE place for families to go. There is always the chance however, that some single’s group will be there too…with some kind of available goods for the sharing! With that hope, my friend and I began our search with a cup of hot chocolate from the JB’s next door and a determination in our step.

We saw the lights, but we searched the sardine like crowd for some single men, any single men, to no avail. Every once in awhile a lone man with nice face would show up giving us hope. Then out of nowhere a girl would show up from behind. It was weird! We saw thousands of couples! And three single men. The creeper, the old man, and the guy who ventured to talk to us about a bag he found outside. Seemed a little sketchy to me but we humored him for a minute anyway. Besides that my red and white prince just seemed to be hiding way too good to be found on this particular December night. 

Despite not making any connections, I had a great time with a friend! I enjoyed some hot chocolate, I loved seeing the lights, hearing the nativity, and being outside on a beautiful night! We talked, we laughed, we searched, we sat in exhaustion praying that maybe he would just walk by, and we discussed the possibilities as we caught up on each other’s lives. It was a fun night! As for you Mr. Waldo…don’t worry…I’ve got my eyes peeled once again. It’s been a couple of weeks since my last date and I haven’t seemed to find any winners lately but I’ve enjoyed the small break as I’ve focused on reconnecting with me for a minute!  We will see what the future week brings!

What's New?

It's been a busy month. I'd like to say I have been super stellar at the whole Healthy October thing but I haven't. I have however made some serious progress and have lost a couple of pounds. I ran a 10k and am running a 5k on Saturday. So, all in all, it hasn't been a complete loss. Baby steps my friend. It doesn't matter how you get there, as long as you keep on trying and progressing right?

I've been a serious slacker on here. So much has happened that sometimes I get a little overwhelmed and the longer I put off writing, the more that builds up leaving me with less motivation to do so. Basically, I was informed two weeks ago that after this school year I will no longer have a job. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life and where to go. It's good to stop and evaluate my life but it's also overwhelming. The possibilities are almost endless. As I try to decided, my single status weighs heavily on me. Where am I supposed to be that will help me to find the right man for me? Or will I find a man at all? I wish I could just live freely and not worry about that but I do. I lived three good years of my young single life in basic isolation from others in my situation, thus living a very date free life. I don't want to ruin any chances I might have.

Speaking of chances, I guess you need a little update on the men huh? Well, not long after the third time I hung out with the fun guy that took me to the fair, he called me and told me that he wasn't interested in dating me. I applaud his honesty and open communication. I was feeling the same way but was unsure how to bring it up. The thing is, I REALLY liked his friends and I also enjoyed hanging out with him. I just wasn't super attracted to him or feeling any sort of attachment in a romantic way. Basically, he would make a good friend. So, we talked about it and decided to be friends. I'm happy with that situation and he seems to be as well. I do have to say though, despite my lack of interest, it was still really hard to hear. I felt kind of rejected for awhile....even though the feeling was mutual. I hate that I wait for guys to reject me instead of standing up for myself. I just get scared. Working on it though. Anyway, we've continued to talk and it's fine.

I've been out with three more potential men since. One of them I have seen a few times and he seems quite interested in me. I on the other hand, am not so sure I'm feeling it. I enjoy talking to him but I'm pretty sure that in the long run, he is not for me. I had a long talk with him the other night about some of the things I was feeling though, which I think is progress for me. I guess for now I will see how it plays out. Meanwhile, I am still talking to several other guys. One of those guys is the one from out of town that I went out with back in June and that I mention from time to time. I don't remember his name on here. I will have to go back and check. However, I am going to go see him in just a few weeks and I am super excited about it!! I just really like him! I'm excited to see if there really is anything there or if I have just been imagining it all these months. We just had the most perfect, fun date together. It was honestly one of my favorite dates ever. Since then he has given me a lot of helpful advice and has been a calming influence at times when I needed that most. He seems like a good guy and we had great chemistry last time we were together so I will keep you posted on meeting number two with him!

In the mean time, tomorrow is the fourth Friday of the month so don't forget to head on over to, Or So She Says, to check out some advice from my current read. Thanks for your support!

Healthy October

It's October! You know what that means right? It means the holidays will be here before you know it! I love this time of year. I love the changing leaves, the crispness in the air, the smells, and especially....the FOOD! This however is a problem for me. As I take a look at the left side bar, my goals are staring me in the face...mocking. They've been sitting there for quite sometime, unfinished, just waiting. I've been very up and down with my first goal. Right now...up. Dang it! But you know what? I really enjoyed Europe and ALL of it's tasty treats. However, my body didn't think it was so cool and it just decided to put on an extra 10 pounds for a souvenir. This is one souvenir I don't wish to keep though. So, it's October. I am calling it, "Healthy October." For one month I am going to focus on goal number one and see just how much weight and how many inches I can lose. I am doing everything in my power to be as healthy as possible, and to get back down, at least those 10 pounds. Then we will talk about where I really need to be. When I gain a little, like where I am now, I lose a lot of self confidence...which doesn't help me in my dating efforts. I like the way I feel when I am in shape and making good choices food wise so, no sugar this month and lots of fruits and veggies. Anyone want to join me? Let's see what we can do with one month! It's a great start to build up our defenses in time for the holidays. Ps...my blog is suddenly taking out my paragraphs and I don't know how to fix it but I'm working on it so bear with me! Now...let's get skinny!

Mr. Shady # 48

I’ve been on a few hikes lately. It’s one of my favorite past times. Most summers I am out there conquering a new peak or exploring a new lake or waterfall, at least a few times a week. Each climb is difficult and I’ve brought this up before. These days I’m a little out of shape from my recent worldly wanderings but I’m getting back into my groove. While I have compared dating and life to that of climbing a mountain in the past, it occurred to me further that it’s not just about the climbs and the descents. Metaphorically speaking, this year has been filled with an abundance of peaks and valleys for me, but with each climb, I always like to sit a little at the top and contemplate life and reevaluate. It’s a beautiful, peaceful place, free of distraction where I can think clearly and come up with solutions to most of my problems. Dating and life in general, is no different. How many times this year have you heard me say, “I just need a little break?” Too many I’m sure. I realized today that it is because I have been through some pretty difficult climbs. Each one requires a little resting/regrouping time. So, I don’t mean to complain, because I am so grateful for the opportunities I’ve had and for the many interesting people I’ve met.

When I hike, though it’s hard, each climb makes me a little stronger and a little more prepared for the next. I build up endurance and am soon able to increase the difficulty and length of my hikes, allowing me to see hidden treasures that I never would have had access to in the past. As I look back on my year so far, I know that in my dating life I’ve had some tough climbs, at least for me, but I feel like as I look back on what I have conquered, I have learned SO much, I am stronger, I have a better sense of who I am and what I want, and even though I take short resting periods, I refuse give up and to be denied what I KNOW lies ahead. I love hiking. I love being in the mountains…even when it’s hard. I love life and being a part of it, not standing on the outside looking in. So, after a couple of weeks of contemplation and regrouping, I think I am ready to give it my best effort again. After slowing down for a couple of weeks, I finally had another date Friday night. This Mr. Shady and I had been talking since I got home from Europe. Actually we texted a little when I got home and then I didn’t hear from him in weeks. I was happy enough to move on. Last week however, he decided to contact me again. We talked on the phone a couple of times and set up the date. He decided on dessert and Bruges and Frites Belgian Waffles. I had been there once before with the first pilot so I knew it was good. We decided to try the Sugarhouse location. I was a little late thanks to the disappearances of my map on my iphone when I updated but I finally made it. Dessert was delicious…I took his recommendation. We chatted about the usual things. His life has been kind of interesting so it was fun to hear about. After we finished he asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I always love a good walk so we went. It was kind of chilly out so I was pretty cold at first but I warmed up a little after some walking. While we were out I found out that he likes to read interesting books which made me happy. I’m kind of a nerd like that I guess but I was pretty excited about the Physics book he is reading. Reading wins guys some serious points for me! It always makes for interesting conversation. Eventually as we walked, we found ourselves heading toward this super sketchy park. He told me that it was kind of scary and that he was pretty sure that there were some drug deals going down over there. He said we’d just walk until we got to it, and then turn around. I wasn’t too scared because I had this big guy with me. We walked into the park though and no one else was really around. It was dark…except for the lights, but kind of scary. As we got further in, I realized that I shouldn’t be so trusting! I was with a stranger basically. I started imagining all the things that could and do go wrong from online dating and I was like, “What are you doing?!” That was the voice inside my head by the way. Sure he had a slight limp from his recent hip surgery but that could have totally been made up! I finally asked if we could turn around because I was REALLY scared. He laughed a little that I had actually gotten scared (I didn’t tell him why) but turned immediately around. Thankfully he was a really nice guy and I don’t think his intentions were to kill or rape me that night. Still…you have to be careful and I haven’t been careful enough lately at all. I’ve been pretty stupid a lot of times and I am grateful that nothing horrible has happened. I can see how it does though. He walked me back to my car and we said goodbye. It was a nice night but I doubt we will go out again. I wasn’t really attracted to him and there is just something about him that I think I don’t really connect with…despite his kindness and intelligence. I haven’t heard from him so I’m not really counting on anything happening there. I met some new friends this week, I partied with some old friends, and I spent time with family. It’s been a good week. As I move forward I am just going to keep reminding myself of the old saying, “Let go and let God.”

That Time of the Month..

No...not THAT time! I can't believe you thought I'd post about that! It's actually my turn to post on the awesome blog, "Or So She Says," so feel free to check me out over there in the morning (Friday). I will be there on the fourth Friday of every month. This month I was needing a little self pep talk so I decided to give one to everyone. I guess I've just been a little down on myself lately after coming home from Europe and off of that high, to Mr. Man's awesome disappearance from my life and the usual struggles that come with dating. I've met a lot of great people and had some really fun times. I've also had to break a few hearts which is almost as hard as getting your own broken...and when you have both happening at the same time, wow! It's difficult! I've learned from this process however, that it is best just to be honest. I HATE it when guys just leave me hanging and one day decide they are done and I never hear from them again. I hate it especially when we've been dating for a few months and talking to each other every day. As a result, I never want to leave someone else hanging the same way so I am honest in the nicest way possible. It's so hard but I think it's been good for me at the same time, because I am opening up and being more bold and I'm also narrowing down what I can and cannot live without. Ahh...dating, so fun! A few weeks ago I ran a 5k to help a friend who can't have children. It was called "Footsteps for Fertility." One lucky couple won a drawing for a free IVF treatment. A speaker there who had had fertility issues said that it was important for all of the couples to come to a point where they realized that their spouse was enough. That no matter what happened, they had their spouse and that was enough. I was a little sad because I had neither but then I thought, no, those of us in my situation need to realize that "I" am enough. I have me and I am enough....no matter what happens. We all would much rather have someone and my friend would like a baby (well, me too) but life is better when we accept our circumstances and love ourselves no matter what. Read more about how to do that by clicking on the link above or on the sidebar to your left.

Left Behind...

I went on 5 dates last week. It was exhausting! This week I’ve slowed down and while it’s been nice, I’m also feeling pretty lonely and left behind. Mr. Manly the pilot who could never commit is engaged; the second pilot who just decided to drop me like a jr. high school girl without a word or cause is who knows where but probably dating someone else by now; Mr. Active who recently told me that I dated him at the wrong time because he was having a hard time opening himself up to anyone else, is now dating someone; the guy that didn’t want to date but was really excited to meet me is back with his ex. Everyone else just wants to take advantage of me and try to compromise my morals. I’m done. 

Okay, I’m obviously not really done because I just KEEP putting myself through this. But I have known for a little while that it was time to slow down a little. This week, I haven’t been on a single date…yet. So, let’s look back to the last couple of weeks and tell you about some of the men I met. There were some good ones in there, don’t be fooled by my current cynicism. I went to the fair with a really witty (I say sarcastic, he says witty) guy that I had a good time with. He is extremely nice and very good. He was really funny and his two friends that came along as well were also quite delightful. 

We rode the big yellow slide (at my request) 5 times! They grew to love it (almost) as much as me!! The highlight of the date for him was the ferris wheel. Why? Well, I am terribly afraid of those things! He was quite the gentleman and put his protective arm around me and held my hand with his other arm. I wasn’t worried a single bit about his hands wandering where they shouldn’t…because he is a good guy, and is not like that. The rest of the date consisted of sharing funnel cake and cotton candy, and wandering around looking at stinky animals and sometimes interesting art. We even witnessed a rather loud fart as we walked past an older man minding his own business in the gallery. We just looked at each other and giggled a little. 

At the end of the date he and his friends dropped me off where I had left my car. He hugged me and we said goodbye. I got in my car and then looked over to see his friends both looking at me with cheesy grins and waving. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and feel grateful for a fun night! 

As for my other dates well, I finally had a second date with Mr. Patient. We had lunch last Friday at La Puente. It was good…another pleasant meeting. I like him. I think he is a good guy, and I don’t have any objections to him other than just the fact that I’m not super excited about him. I am not sure what it is. We get a long and I would be totally willing to go out with him again, I’m just not feeling anything for him yet.

Saturday night and Thursday night I had dinner with two more super nice guys. Thursday’s seemed like he was about to fall asleep the whole time and though I liked him better than I thought I would, I just wasn’t feeling it…at all. I let him know this week when he asked if I’d be interested in hanging out again. Saturday night took me to Benihana’s. Yum!! I felt a little bad at the huge expense but I had a good time and once again, was pleasantly surprised at what I found in person. I’m telling ya…don’t judge a book by its picture. People can be so different in person. He has always been super nice and I can tell that he is a good person but I wondered if we would click at all in person. Things went just fine though and I hope to see him again sometime to see if anything is really there. Meanwhile, I’m hiking with the guy from the fair this Saturday and some of his friends. We’ll see how it goes. 

As for the surprise meet up I promised you…it didn’t happen. The guy that I referred to awhile back as the perfect date or a date from the movies that lives in a different state was going to be in town…but it ended up not happening. It just wasn’t meant to be. Oh well… Moving on. I’m talking to some other nice guys but really just feeling things slowing down as I re-evaluate life for a little while.