People often refer to older single's as 'leftovers.' Well, I am no leftover, nor do I deserve to settle for someone that is.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Advice…Full Circle

Remember back when I started this adventure and I was getting myself out there in as many ways possible? Those were fun times! I’m trying to do that now and having all kinds of amazing experiences! One thing that continually fills my soul as well as gets me out there is institute class. Remember the teacher that I loved back when I started? Well I am lucky enough that she now teaches an institute class just for my ward alone. We get her all to ourselves. This has been one of the greatest blessings of my year.

Last night was the beginning of a new class with her which was exceptional as to be expected. There is one friendly guy in the class who I know from church as well. He likes to lead the music. He is also much older than me (or so he looks) but is mentally challenged in some way. Last night he asked me for a ride home after class so I readily agreed.

On the way to his house we talked. When class last ended in June he was dating another special girl in the class. I didn’t see her last night so I determined that I would ask him about her on the way home so that we would have something to talk about. He first told me about his seminary experience having attended a local special education school. It sounded great. J I then got to the topic of this girl and whether or not the were still dating. Immediately he let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Ya know, she is a nice girl but….”

Here I digress for a minute to point out that in my days of dating as many guys as possible to meet the marriage challenge, I read many relationship books, I attended talks and workshops on the subject, and observed as much as possible in order to learn how best create a lasting relationship. I found most advice to be congruent with the others and decided as a result that it was sound indeed. One thing that stood out was that men need their space. If you give them their space they will appreciate you so much more. Now I know from experience that it is much easier to read relationship advice than to follow it. Still, I have noticed my own shortcomings in this area and seen the demise of certain relationships when I become too attached, too present, too needy.

Now, back to my special friends.  He continued that while this girl was nice, she called him 7 or 8 times a day, she filled his voice mail box so that no one else could leave messages, she constantly pressured him about their plans for hanging out, she said, “I love you” at least 5 times before hanging up the phone, she texted non-stop all day long. The girl was definitely in the too present, too needy, too attached category and it was driving this poor guy crazy! He just wants his space. He wants to live his life and come to her when he comes to her, return her calls and texts when it is convenient and not continually be harassed when it isn’t.

As I listened to his complaints I tried to sympathize with him but I was kind of laughing a little on the inside as I thought about all of the sound advice given by the experts. Turns out that they know what they are talking about. And it seems to be advice for just about anyone, no matter your circumstances in life.  I was grateful for the reaffirmation of this principal and as I continue to search and hopefully someday find that guy that I will end up with forever, I am going to remember this conversation and all mistakes of the past. In this journey I think that more than anything, I have certainly learned how to be me and enjoy it! Life is meant to be enjoyed, even when you are in a relationship! 

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