2011

I’ve always been a huge fan of roller coasters. They are always met with crazy anticipation which builds as you ascend the first big hill. More often than not the ride that follows is fast, breathtaking, and somewhat unpredictable. The enjoyment level of this adventurous activity rarely disappoints. It’s odd how when compared to life, the same excitement just doesn’t come to mind when discussing the event. No, in the rollercoaster of life, we remember the tough climbs, the ride seems slower and more laborious, and the loss of equilibrium well remembered. Yes, my life is a never ending roller coaster it seems and I’m beginning to wonder if I am so sure about my standing regarding the activity. But, those down hills are definitely fun so maybe, maybe we can deal with the climbs and semi-off balanced moments.

I bring up this particular analogy for life as mine has been somewhat off balance lately. As a result, I have failed to update you on my goals and make my own solid resolutions for the new year. Don’t get me wrong though, my life is great! It’s just that focusing on any ONE thing in too much abundance can eventually lead to those equilibrium problems mentioned above. I’ve noticed lately that I really need to get back to a more normal routine but…I’m not sure what that is anymore! What is that? And how does it involve a really awesome man?? I guess we learn as we go huh?

Things in the man department still seem to be as good as ever. I feel like I am really getting to know him and who he is. And…I like him! Yes, Mr. Keeper is still a keeper in my book but, who knows what 2011 will bring. If things don’t work out with him, I know that my dating journey will continue and I might even reach those 40 one day. But for now, in regards to dating, my goals have changed. I no longer wish to date 40 men. I know how to do a first date. I almost know how to snag a date. Flirting? Check. It’s the real meat of the relationship that now has me somewhat baffled but learning on well…an hourly basis! It’s fun but definitely HARD! I quite often feel inadequate and wonder what I am doing. Sometimes I want to back up in time and just stay complacent in those moments that were easy…where I was lonely but knew who I was as an individual and did not have to worry and wonder about what someone else thought of me. Thankfully this guy is very reassuring and kind and patient with me. Though I constantly battle with myself NOT to be needy and obnoxious that way, believe me!! Anyway, that’s where I stand date wise…I am now determined to get more actual relationship experience sooo, we will see!

Another huge goal from last year was my weight loss. I feel like I was fairly successful, losing almost 30 pounds last year! I only have a little over 10 pounds to go until I reach my goal weight! Not bad huh! I feel fabulous!! Now…I just need some money to purchase some clothing so that I can stop looking so ridiculous in my 3 sizes too big pants every day! That brings me to my next goal of 2011 which is a new one! It is the year of the money! I just paid off my car and therefore have a huge desire to get further out of debt and well on my way to a more stable financial future. If I want to move forward with my life…this is a must. I don’t want anything holding me back when the time is right!

So, as I continue my year, I have a desire to continue most of my goals from last year but in a modified way. I still want to learn as much as I can. I think that any knowledge gained is a success…so I will continue to find ways to be more well rounded. Oh…and I still want to conquer the 40 books in the Old Testament…even if I can’t date 40 men! Such a big number constantly weighing over me! Anyway, it is a good year…good things are going to happen…I can feel it!

Distracted

For several reasons I have neglected to update in a little while. I’ve been busy, distracted, and trying to decide whether or not to stick around the internet! I think that for now I will just continue to update as I see fit because I really enjoy writing and…your company! I also enjoy the company of Mr. Keeper and have been taking in as much of it as possible over the last few weeks. I know, I know, I’m totally ignoring the rules. Okay, not completely…I’m trying to be somewhat more careful about how I play, “The Game.” By ignoring “the rules,” I mean that I’ve been a little too available. At first I was careful about it…somewhat. Lately however, I have been there for him at every request…or lack of request. Not good, right?! Thankfully he still seems happy in my company and quite ready to continue our shenanigans.


Before I go any further, I know you are dying for some details so I will share a little and then tell you what I’m thinking! Things are GREAT! I am SO happy! :) Mr. Keeper is a fun, fun guy. We are both ridiculously sarcastic so we get along well and have no trouble texting all day and night…or talking on the phone…or hanging out. He is a nice person too. He’s a good guy. So for now, we are having fun. He is really nice to me as well as respectful. We have hung out several times and usually end up staying together until all hours of the night or morning. He hasn’t kissed me but I’m kind of glad. It makes me feel like he really likes to be with me, and doesn’t just want to make out! :) Haha. He is a great cuddler though! He’s held my hand and given me some good squeezes so really, that whole drought thing is finally starting to be compensated for!

Despite all of the great things that happen, I am still a girl and being who I am, can find something to worry about in anything. In this situation I often find myself getting worried that any minute he is not going to like me, or that something bad will happen. I keep thinking of the words from my favorite book, “Their Eyes Were Watching God.” The following paragraph rings so true to me as I have often related in a similar manner. It reads:

"In the cool of the afternoon the fiend from hell specially sent to lovers arrived at Jaine's ear. Doubt. All the fears that circumstance could provide and the heart feel, attacked her on every side. This was a new sensation for her, but no less excruciating. If only Tea Cake would make her certain! He did not return that night nor the next and so she plunged into the abyss and descended to the ninth darkness where light has never been."

Wow, well said Ms. Hurston. Anyway, I like to doubt things but I am trying very hard not to let this show when I communicate with the man! I’m trying to keep it chill when I am with him, or not, and so far it seems to be working. Either way though, I’d really like to know where we are at. You know the dreaded, DTR (define the relationship), guess sometimes it’s necessary after all. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to enjoy life and not worry too terribly much because I know that whatever happens is meant to happen. I will let you know how things progress! For now however, I think I need to catch up on some lost sleep! Something has been keeping me up late!