Metamorphosis

I was recently reading a past post about my introduction to the mid single world. I remember that time well. My last couple of years in my twenties were spent dreading the day that I turned 30 and hoping with everything in me that I would be married before then. I had no idea what to expect and I was pretty much just freaking out! The older singles were intimidating and well…it all just seemed highly unattractive to me. I judged a little harshly at first, denying with everything in me that I could possibly be in the same boat as they. But time kept moving forward, no matter what I did, and I was soon thrown into the mid singles world without a choice or second thought.

Thankfully when it was time for my exit, many others were in a similar situation. We flocked to the mid singles wards in droves. I felt part of something. Part of a mass exit from the young single’s world but also part of a herd of naughty children being thrust into our fate for not living up to the expectations of the world. It was sad. And scary. But I decided to give it a try. It is easy at first glance to notice the misfits; to wonder if that is you, and to wonder if this is a life sentence or just a short nightmare that will soon end with a heroic save from Prince Charming who was just waiting for the perfect moment to surprise you with his grand entrance into your life.

For months I struggled. I did not feel like I belonged. Still, I kept going. I kept trying. I had faith that someday my life would feel normal again. I’m not sure when it happened exactly but I realized recently that I belong. That these are my people. This is where I am supposed to be and who I am supposed to be. In many ways I am content. I’m still waiting and hoping for that grand entrance of course, but I don’t necessarily feel like it’s for a save. I feel like its purpose is for progression and further happiness in my life.

Each Sunday I go to church. I have spent many such visits looking around, watching the people that I associate with. I know these people and I love them. Often in our women’s meeting I look around and feel a little sad for many, knowing that we all are hoping for the same thing but that it isn’t in our plan right now to have it. Often however, I notice that I associate with some of the absolute most talented, intelligent, beautiful, creative, strong women in the world.  I don’t know why none of us are married but wow, we are quite the group! You should hear the harmonies as we sing, the discussions we have during our lessons, and the visits with each other outside of class time. I’m blessed to know such great people and to be a part of them.

Change in life is always hard. It’s intimidating and scary. Every time I bring my younger friends to church with me, I know exactly how they are feeling and as they express their thoughts to me I nod but think inside, “just wait…you don’t know what I know!” Sure we have all kinds, but the world is a much more beautiful and interesting place with variety and diversity. It’s also comforting to know that there is a place for everyone. There are many there who will never marry but they have the opportunity to belong, to serve, and to be social. I don’t love that I am 33 and still single. I want to get married and to move on. But the people I associate with aren’t so bad. There are an increasing amount of amazing people being thrust into my path and social circles weekly. Attitude and perception are the key. Happiness is still a possibility.