Let it Be

I know it's been a little while so I'm not sure if you are even still with me. Even now I should be in bed but I can't sleep so I finally decided to update! I need to share my recent thoughts. First of all, starting work again has been tough, on top of being called as Relief Society president in a new ward and keeping up with everything else I need to do. Basically, I am TIRED! I'm exhausted! I can't keep up with anything and it's getting me super down. I'm trying to stay up though. So, in an effort to stay on the up side....I really can't do this anymore. Well, I do mean to continue my blog, but I cannot worry about dating 40 guys right now. I stress about it way too much. I obsess over every little thing that might be wrong with me and frankly, I just want a man...a decent man that I could be interested in...to like me for who I am! I want a man to feel like I am worthy of chasing...that I am worth a little work. I am so, so tired of doing all the work! I have backed off a lot. Don't think I am giving up altogether though. If someone wants to ask me out (which would seriously be a miracle because I haven't really seen that happen in my entire 31 years) then I will not turn them away. If people want to set me up, then I will go. But I CANNOT seek them out and initiate anything in any way right now. I do not have the energy or time. I'm sorry if I am a disappointment to you because I really don't want to be, but I want to focus on my other goals off to the left there, and hopefully as I do, I will still become more datable and mostly just a better person. I want to focus on improving me for me. I do hope to get married and I will eventually date 40 men...probably just not this year. I can't anymore.

On that note, I will tell you a funny story and tell you that I do still have a couple of guys on the supposed "hook up" list so I will be updating about them. I will also try harder to post more often but you are gonna have to just hear about my life's adventure's minus dates for awhile cause I am not doing the asking! Okay, funny story. Today I went to church. Church was great! I enjoyed the lessons and talking with my friends. I wore a cute skirt that I recently picked up at Shade Clothing...one of my favs! Anyway, it's kinda short and full. When I went to church, the air was still. When I came out of church, it was so windy! I walked by three of my guy friends on the way to my car. One asked me where I was going and I asked him where I should go. That started a whole fun conversation with those boys. I enjoyed talking to them but really, I was fighting my skirt against the wind and it was a little awkward. As I was leaning over to keep the skirt down, I was also trying to keep my shirt up. Wow, I was really trying to avoid the peep show that I'm sure the boys got anyway. At one point, I may have been a little late in catching my skirt and I'm not sure if they saw anything, but judging from the huge smiles on their faces, it couldn't have been good! So I said, "ummm, I think I better leave now." They laughed and agreed and off I went. Darn that wind!! It was prob funny to watch me fighting with the clothes though...

Fail

So, I've once again been assessing things and all I can think lately is that I have failed. Failed at EVERYTHING! I have all these goals and I feel like I am not meeting any of them right now! So, I had to decide what the problem was and what I was going to do about it. Not achieving my main goal has really gotten me down lately. I've been super down on myself for quite some time as you know and I decided this is the root of all my problems! Seriously, I have got to rid my life of all of the negativity! So, instead of looking at all the ways I have failed, I started thinking of all of my successes. For one, I have lost at least 20 pounds since beginning this journey. I've also almost made it through Genesis (okay, I am totally gonna have a New Testament read-a-thon one of these days...are ya with me??). I currently am so much more "in the know" about sports than I ever have been, and participating in them whenever I get the chance. Last week I played softball. A couple of weeks before, it was volleyball and I've added in Ultimate Frisbee a couple of times as well. Tonight I even watched part of a Red Sox game while working out...they were totally kickin trash! Finally, I have been on 9 more dates than last year, and have met tons more guys and been out in the world living life for all it's worth!

The dreaded day has come and gone. Last Friday was my birthday. It was hard. But in lite of my new outlook on life, I decided not to be so depressed about getting older, but to be grateful for the full life I've had so far. I wouldn't trade my experiences and knowledge for anything. It's been a good 31 years and I plan to add several more very fulfilled years to that!

Since starting work again a few weeks ago, I have been nothing but tired and stressed! This is also not helping things! I've had zero time for working out or having fun, or keeping up with anything that needs done. Yesterday, my dog died. We have had him for over 13 years and honestly, I was pretty sad about it. I still am. So, through all of this, I am still just trying to take deep breaths, slow down, and squeeze in the super important stuff, along with a little bit of recreation when possible. I've started getting up earlier in the morning so I can exercises, and I read on my small breaks from work, or try to accomplish a thing or two. Somehow amidst all of this, I am going to start meeting men again and getting some more dates to write about, but that's where I am at for now.

As an update however, guess who I got an email from the other day?? Remember the guy I met in my hiking group? I totally haven't heard from him since and he just decided to drop me a little message the other day. Nice! I also received a birthday wish from the guy I met a few weeks ago from my hometown. Happy day! Now, if they would just ask me out!! Still haven't heard from the 42 year old set up either....not keeping my fingers crossed....okay, maybe just a little! Oh, and one more thing, I totally saw this hot guy at work today and I'm pretty sure he was single...but it just didn't happen. Let's hope I run into him again soon!! Thanks for stickin with me...let's make this happen!