Just Kidding

Just a brief update from my iphone as I sit up late at night helping a friend in need. Right now...just waiting.. Let's get to the news you've been checking here twice a day for the last 2 months for though. Since breaking up with the boyfriend well, we just never really stopped dating. We had decided to date other people though, which I have tried to do, though only a few brief times. I had a great time for awhile on this fun app for the iPhone called "Tinder." It's pretty much genius! It's basically like hot or not, you have a one shot chance to either accept or reject someone based on their profile picture. If you both swipe right indicating interest, them you get to chat. Otherwise, you have no idea who accepted or rejected you. :) I met a couple guys. One was still married and the other was stellar but never really called back. I haven't been as diligent in my looking these days. :/

 Meanwhile, boyfriend and I have still been hanging out and chatting it up frequently. We tried breaking up again a couple of weeks ago but it lasted a day or two. He told me that he really cared about me, etc. I felt pretty good about that for like a day. The last two times I've been to see him however, I've left just feeling empty and disappointed. Things are fine but I just don't feel like he really cares as much as he says he does. Tonight I was pretty frustrated and sad as I left him. I just don't know what is going to happen there. :/

Last week came a little bit of a surprise though! Do you remember my summer fling from California? The manly pilot who took me to the rooftop for dinner and then on a carriage ride downtown? Well, he stopped talking to me when I went to Europe and he broke my heart. :( Things were really complicated for him then...he lost his job and wasn't sure what his future held. I don't know if that factored in at all to his decisions with me but I kind of hope that was it. But anyway...last month was his birthday. I still remembered it. So, I decided to take a chance and send him a really short happy birthday, hope you are well, email. He sent a short reply saying thanks and asking how I was. It made my day! However, when I replied I never heard back from him so I figured he was just being polite. Oh well. :(

But then!! Last Wednesday I got a text from him! He is out of the country and his email was acting up. Wow, there was a tiny sliver of hope! We texted for like 3 hours and he was friendly!! Then today I decided to send another quick text asking him to try resending a pic he had tried to send the other day. He did!! We texted a little but he seemed somewhat uninterested so I tried not to get my hopes up too much...even though I've had a hard time not thinking about him since Wednesday. Well, I've had a hard time not thinking about him since last summer but anyway... I went about my day and tonight after leaving boyfriend I was feeling extra sad for the loss of both of them. :( So, I went home and went to bed. And then my phone rang and it was him! The pilot! And he wanted to FaceTime!! So I picked up! :)It was a bit delayed but glorious to finally talk to him again!! Hope! Church was about hope today! I kinda do hope because I really liked that one! But I guess time will tell! Now...back to my friend...

Third Time's a Charm?

I have now had my heart significantly broken three times in the last year. Ugh! I guess the more you date, the higher the chances of such an occurrence. Still, it doesn’t make it any easier. I just hope that this is the last time. They say things come in three’s right? Well, I’ve experienced my three with a few smaller disappointments along the way. Can I just be done now??

I was going to post last week about Valentine’s day. It went okay. But now it’s over and so is my relationship. He just wasn’t the right guy for me and I knew if for a long time, I just didn’t want to do anything about it. I finally got up the courage this weekend however. It’s over. Even though I did the breaking up, I still feel really heartbroken. Crazy huh! You just can’t win in the dating game!

I know the drill though. Time is really the only cure. Time, tears, and goals. It helps me to focus on my future, to stay active, and to do my best to find hope for my future when it always seems rather hopeless just after a relationship. I was talking to a friend about this yesterday. We decided that it really doesn’t take long to be with someone and wonder what you did before you met them. I felt that right away with Mr. Boyfriend. It was like he had always been in my life. I liked having him there, yet I really want for much more than what we had. I promise I am justified in what I am thinking and saying and those closest to me felt the same way, but I had to make the decision to end it for myself. I just don’t like talking about it much.

The first thing anybody asks when you break up is, “what happened?” I do it too. But I don’t like explaining to others. I just want to move on. I want to wake up in the morning and not have to re-live the disappointment and have to remind myself to be brave and hopeful...and to get past fresh tears that I thought I had moved beyond the day before.  The thing that gives me the most courage to do that is knowing that breaking up with him opens me up to finding the guy who will be right for me. Who will be more than just nice to be with, but will be a good match…a good partner. I know it won’t always be easy but still…I do look forward to meeting him! And hopefully soon! And would it be too much to ask at this point in my life for him to be rich?? :-)

The New Year

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my goals. I just feel like I never quite meet them. This is the year though! I’d really like to finally get down to my goal weight so any suggestions or motivation will help!! I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and never really got down to where I want to be. In fact, over the last couple of years I have fluctuated up and down 10-15 pounds. Right now, I’m up. It seems like this time of year I always am! And I’m going to Hawaii in two weeks so that’s no good!! Last minute dieting for sure! No more sugar until Hawaii! It’s my downfall really. I workout like crazy, it’s my love of food that gets me down. Is anyone else having a hard time achieving this goal?? What can we do to make this year different? Help me!!!

Okay, my next big goal is to work on my finances. I am posting on Or So She Says next Friday about this topic so come check it out. My goal this year though, is to have a better retirement savings account set up, and emergency savings fund well on its way to being useful, and to pay off my undergraduate and any other credit besides my new car and my masters degree. Finally, I want my credit score to be back where it should be! I had no idea that there were some things pulling it down that should not have been on my credit report. Read about that next Friday on the other blog though..

I don’t want to overwhelm myself and accomplish nothing so I am going to leave it at those two goals for now. As the year progresses and I am in a better place with those two goals, maybe I will add to it. I think that both goals will help me immensely in my larger goal to get married and have a family. I want to be well prepared when the time comes. I want to be set financially, be attractive for my husband, and be healthy to have babies! Also, if that doesn’t happen, I want to feel healthy for myself, know that I look good, and I want my own future to be secured so that I do not have to depend on anyone else. 

As for an update on the rest of my life well…Mr. Boyfriend is still great! We have had our ups and downs as all relationships do but I am really enjoying where we are at right now. He is still sweet to me and playful. We are able to have good conversations and to share important parts of our lives with each other. I like that. Also, he is really good looking!! And well, he’s a good kisser too! So, for now, I’m keeping him!