Just Kidding

Just a brief update from my iphone as I sit up late at night helping a friend in need. Right now...just waiting.. Let's get to the news you've been checking here twice a day for the last 2 months for though. Since breaking up with the boyfriend well, we just never really stopped dating. We had decided to date other people though, which I have tried to do, though only a few brief times. I had a great time for awhile on this fun app for the iPhone called "Tinder." It's pretty much genius! It's basically like hot or not, you have a one shot chance to either accept or reject someone based on their profile picture. If you both swipe right indicating interest, them you get to chat. Otherwise, you have no idea who accepted or rejected you. :) I met a couple guys. One was still married and the other was stellar but never really called back. I haven't been as diligent in my looking these days. :/

 Meanwhile, boyfriend and I have still been hanging out and chatting it up frequently. We tried breaking up again a couple of weeks ago but it lasted a day or two. He told me that he really cared about me, etc. I felt pretty good about that for like a day. The last two times I've been to see him however, I've left just feeling empty and disappointed. Things are fine but I just don't feel like he really cares as much as he says he does. Tonight I was pretty frustrated and sad as I left him. I just don't know what is going to happen there. :/

Last week came a little bit of a surprise though! Do you remember my summer fling from California? The manly pilot who took me to the rooftop for dinner and then on a carriage ride downtown? Well, he stopped talking to me when I went to Europe and he broke my heart. :( Things were really complicated for him then...he lost his job and wasn't sure what his future held. I don't know if that factored in at all to his decisions with me but I kind of hope that was it. But anyway...last month was his birthday. I still remembered it. So, I decided to take a chance and send him a really short happy birthday, hope you are well, email. He sent a short reply saying thanks and asking how I was. It made my day! However, when I replied I never heard back from him so I figured he was just being polite. Oh well. :(

But then!! Last Wednesday I got a text from him! He is out of the country and his email was acting up. Wow, there was a tiny sliver of hope! We texted for like 3 hours and he was friendly!! Then today I decided to send another quick text asking him to try resending a pic he had tried to send the other day. He did!! We texted a little but he seemed somewhat uninterested so I tried not to get my hopes up too much...even though I've had a hard time not thinking about him since Wednesday. Well, I've had a hard time not thinking about him since last summer but anyway... I went about my day and tonight after leaving boyfriend I was feeling extra sad for the loss of both of them. :( So, I went home and went to bed. And then my phone rang and it was him! The pilot! And he wanted to FaceTime!! So I picked up! :)It was a bit delayed but glorious to finally talk to him again!! Hope! Church was about hope today! I kinda do hope because I really liked that one! But I guess time will tell! Now...back to my friend...

Third Time's a Charm?

I have now had my heart significantly broken three times in the last year. Ugh! I guess the more you date, the higher the chances of such an occurrence. Still, it doesn’t make it any easier. I just hope that this is the last time. They say things come in three’s right? Well, I’ve experienced my three with a few smaller disappointments along the way. Can I just be done now??

I was going to post last week about Valentine’s day. It went okay. But now it’s over and so is my relationship. He just wasn’t the right guy for me and I knew if for a long time, I just didn’t want to do anything about it. I finally got up the courage this weekend however. It’s over. Even though I did the breaking up, I still feel really heartbroken. Crazy huh! You just can’t win in the dating game!

I know the drill though. Time is really the only cure. Time, tears, and goals. It helps me to focus on my future, to stay active, and to do my best to find hope for my future when it always seems rather hopeless just after a relationship. I was talking to a friend about this yesterday. We decided that it really doesn’t take long to be with someone and wonder what you did before you met them. I felt that right away with Mr. Boyfriend. It was like he had always been in my life. I liked having him there, yet I really want for much more than what we had. I promise I am justified in what I am thinking and saying and those closest to me felt the same way, but I had to make the decision to end it for myself. I just don’t like talking about it much.

The first thing anybody asks when you break up is, “what happened?” I do it too. But I don’t like explaining to others. I just want to move on. I want to wake up in the morning and not have to re-live the disappointment and have to remind myself to be brave and hopeful...and to get past fresh tears that I thought I had moved beyond the day before.  The thing that gives me the most courage to do that is knowing that breaking up with him opens me up to finding the guy who will be right for me. Who will be more than just nice to be with, but will be a good match…a good partner. I know it won’t always be easy but still…I do look forward to meeting him! And hopefully soon! And would it be too much to ask at this point in my life for him to be rich?? :-)

The New Year

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my goals. I just feel like I never quite meet them. This is the year though! I’d really like to finally get down to my goal weight so any suggestions or motivation will help!! I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and never really got down to where I want to be. In fact, over the last couple of years I have fluctuated up and down 10-15 pounds. Right now, I’m up. It seems like this time of year I always am! And I’m going to Hawaii in two weeks so that’s no good!! Last minute dieting for sure! No more sugar until Hawaii! It’s my downfall really. I workout like crazy, it’s my love of food that gets me down. Is anyone else having a hard time achieving this goal?? What can we do to make this year different? Help me!!!

Okay, my next big goal is to work on my finances. I am posting on Or So She Says next Friday about this topic so come check it out. My goal this year though, is to have a better retirement savings account set up, and emergency savings fund well on its way to being useful, and to pay off my undergraduate and any other credit besides my new car and my masters degree. Finally, I want my credit score to be back where it should be! I had no idea that there were some things pulling it down that should not have been on my credit report. Read about that next Friday on the other blog though..

I don’t want to overwhelm myself and accomplish nothing so I am going to leave it at those two goals for now. As the year progresses and I am in a better place with those two goals, maybe I will add to it. I think that both goals will help me immensely in my larger goal to get married and have a family. I want to be well prepared when the time comes. I want to be set financially, be attractive for my husband, and be healthy to have babies! Also, if that doesn’t happen, I want to feel healthy for myself, know that I look good, and I want my own future to be secured so that I do not have to depend on anyone else. 

As for an update on the rest of my life well…Mr. Boyfriend is still great! We have had our ups and downs as all relationships do but I am really enjoying where we are at right now. He is still sweet to me and playful. We are able to have good conversations and to share important parts of our lives with each other. I like that. Also, he is really good looking!! And well, he’s a good kisser too! So, for now, I’m keeping him!

Mr. Boyfriend

Last week’s conversation with my mom went down like this:

Mom: “So, I hear you have a date tonight.”

Me: “Yep, I sure do.”

Mom: “I told dad earlier that these are more of ‘meet and greets’ rather than actual dates since you meet each other for like 5 minutes.”

Me: “Well, he’s taking me to dinner and then we are going to a jr. high concert.”

Mom: “Oh wow, he’s actually taking you to dinner huh? Not to one of these cupcake places for a quick meeting?”

Me: “Haha, I’ve never been to a cupcake place.”

Last week I decided to get back online after a short 2 month break. You know that I’m not a quitter and I’m never going to give up so, as disappointed as I have been in the male population that is left for the picking these days, I decided to get back on the old internet and put myself through the torture of it all once again. I sifted through hundreds of emails that had been sent to me in my absence. Among them I found a cute boy that had tried to contact me a month ago. I wrote back and soon had his number. I texted him, didn’t hear back, texted again and eventually wrote him on the site. He then finally decided to text me back! Ever since then, it’s been bliss. He called me and we set up a date for the next evening…the day of the conversation with my mom.

He had invited me to dinner. Later it was dinner and a movie and whatever else. I informed him that I had a middle school orchestra concert to attend that night so it was either just dinner, or he come with me to the concert afterward. He agreed to come to the concert. I was a little surprised and kind of nervous. What if he didn’t like me? What if I didn’t like him? And then we were stuck with each other for a long evening. It turned out however that I did like him. And he seemed to like me pretty well too.

I met up with him that evening and we went to dinner at “Iggy’s.” He told me his life story and I did my best to answer his questions about mine. It was delightful. We shared our food, we talked, we laughed (yay!) and I spilled red sauce on my white undershirt. Embarrassing! He was nice and knew I was embarrassed so he just made sure to bring it up a few more times the rest of the night. Well, at first he assured me it was fine. Then after seeing me constantly self conscious about it, he decided to remind me it was there from time to time. I loved his sense of humor though. 

After dinner we made our trek up North to visit a girl that I used to teach. She likes to think I am her “second mom” so I try to support her when I can. She was playing in a middle school orchestra concert and I thought it was SO awesome of Mr. Boyfriend to commit to coming with me to such an  event which can at times be painful on the ears! We sat right behind her mom and sister who both highly approved of my date for the night. When he walked out for a minute they excitedly told me how hot he was. Uh yeah…and he was with me! I was pretty proud because he is pretty dang good looking!! We made the concert fun, teasing each other in small ways throughout. He would also put his arm through mine or just reach over and squeeze me knee from time to time. He’s flirty and silly and I absolutely love that in a man! He also got along really well with my faux daughter and her family. More points for him! 

After the concert we made our way back to his house. He showed me some Youtube videos. The first was of a famous violinist. I'm a fan but...it turns out he’s also a big fan. What? A cultured man too? Yep, it’s true. He told me about DaVinci’s art in “Ever After,” (uh yeah, he likes chick flicks too but no worries, he’s also VERY manly), he shared with me his love for the city of love…aka Paris, and we watched some silly videos as well. I was pretty happy. I didn’t stay long. He was super respectful of me, not trying to make out at all. Ahh refreshing. He let me go early since I had to work in the morning. He walked me to my car, gave me a great hug and a tiny little kiss or two. It was just perfect! I left the date a pretty happy girl!

He wanted me to text him when I got home (this hasn’t happened since pilot #1) which just made me like him all the more. I did and he said he loved being with me that night. The next morning he texted me and wished me a happy half day at work and assured me (as he had mentioned the night before) that he still wanted to make a date of Saturday night. That evening he called me a couple of times. By then, I was getting pretty sick with a cold! He wouldn’t allow it and I tried to follow his advice but I just had to succumb after awhile!

The next morning he again texted me for awhile and as I was still sick, he told me he would bring me dinner and some movies and come take care of me. How sweet! So, he came over that night with a couple of good chick flicks! We went to dinner, stopped at a friend’s party, and then went to my house to watch, “Midnight in Paris” (his favorite).  During the movie he asked if I wanted to be a couple. I really like him so far so I accepted…because FINALLY a guy is willing to commit at some level!! Hallelujah!! Seriously, I date guys for months and they continue to date the rest of the world and they NEVER commit! So, it doesn’t matter where this goes, I’m glad to give it a shot for now, and so is he. We’ve hung out a few more times and I love every minute of it! He is so dang sweet to me but also intelligent, delightful company! So…this is the story of Mr. Boyfriend and I. So far. To be continued of course!

Metamorphosis

I was recently reading a past post about my introduction to the mid single world. I remember that time well. My last couple of years in my twenties were spent dreading the day that I turned 30 and hoping with everything in me that I would be married before then. I had no idea what to expect and I was pretty much just freaking out! The older singles were intimidating and well…it all just seemed highly unattractive to me. I judged a little harshly at first, denying with everything in me that I could possibly be in the same boat as they. But time kept moving forward, no matter what I did, and I was soon thrown into the mid singles world without a choice or second thought.

Thankfully when it was time for my exit, many others were in a similar situation. We flocked to the mid singles wards in droves. I felt part of something. Part of a mass exit from the young single’s world but also part of a herd of naughty children being thrust into our fate for not living up to the expectations of the world. It was sad. And scary. But I decided to give it a try. It is easy at first glance to notice the misfits; to wonder if that is you, and to wonder if this is a life sentence or just a short nightmare that will soon end with a heroic save from Prince Charming who was just waiting for the perfect moment to surprise you with his grand entrance into your life.

For months I struggled. I did not feel like I belonged. Still, I kept going. I kept trying. I had faith that someday my life would feel normal again. I’m not sure when it happened exactly but I realized recently that I belong. That these are my people. This is where I am supposed to be and who I am supposed to be. In many ways I am content. I’m still waiting and hoping for that grand entrance of course, but I don’t necessarily feel like it’s for a save. I feel like its purpose is for progression and further happiness in my life.

Each Sunday I go to church. I have spent many such visits looking around, watching the people that I associate with. I know these people and I love them. Often in our women’s meeting I look around and feel a little sad for many, knowing that we all are hoping for the same thing but that it isn’t in our plan right now to have it. Often however, I notice that I associate with some of the absolute most talented, intelligent, beautiful, creative, strong women in the world.  I don’t know why none of us are married but wow, we are quite the group! You should hear the harmonies as we sing, the discussions we have during our lessons, and the visits with each other outside of class time. I’m blessed to know such great people and to be a part of them.

Change in life is always hard. It’s intimidating and scary. Every time I bring my younger friends to church with me, I know exactly how they are feeling and as they express their thoughts to me I nod but think inside, “just wait…you don’t know what I know!” Sure we have all kinds, but the world is a much more beautiful and interesting place with variety and diversity. It’s also comforting to know that there is a place for everyone. There are many there who will never marry but they have the opportunity to belong, to serve, and to be social. I don’t love that I am 33 and still single. I want to get married and to move on. But the people I associate with aren’t so bad. There are an increasing amount of amazing people being thrust into my path and social circles weekly. Attitude and perception are the key. Happiness is still a possibility.

Where's MY Waldo: The Search Continues

Yes, I once again let a short interim come between you and I but I’m still here. Still searching high and low for Mr. Right, and sometimes I must say, it’s a lot like looking for Waldo. Tonight’s search seemed to reflect that anyway. I have many good single friends but tonight I hung out with a girl that I’ve been friends with for a long time yet haven’t seen in awhile. It was great to catch up and just have a good time. We were on a mission though. The mission was basically, find my man! The problem? Well, you know what they say about location right? I may not have chosen the best place for the search but it seemed like a fun activity either way.

Yes, my reunited friend and I decided that tonight we should take our search party to downtown Salt Lake City, Ut where the lights of temple square were beckoning us to come. There were a lot of lights and a lot of people…couples in particular. Those who have been there know it’s like THE place for couples to go this time of year. Besides that, it’s THE place for families to go. There is always the chance however, that some single’s group will be there too…with some kind of available goods for the sharing! With that hope, my friend and I began our search with a cup of hot chocolate from the JB’s next door and a determination in our step.

We saw the lights, but we searched the sardine like crowd for some single men, any single men, to no avail. Every once in awhile a lone man with nice face would show up giving us hope. Then out of nowhere a girl would show up from behind. It was weird! We saw thousands of couples! And three single men. The creeper, the old man, and the guy who ventured to talk to us about a bag he found outside. Seemed a little sketchy to me but we humored him for a minute anyway. Besides that my red and white prince just seemed to be hiding way too good to be found on this particular December night. 

Despite not making any connections, I had a great time with a friend! I enjoyed some hot chocolate, I loved seeing the lights, hearing the nativity, and being outside on a beautiful night! We talked, we laughed, we searched, we sat in exhaustion praying that maybe he would just walk by, and we discussed the possibilities as we caught up on each other’s lives. It was a fun night! As for you Mr. Waldo…don’t worry…I’ve got my eyes peeled once again. It’s been a couple of weeks since my last date and I haven’t seemed to find any winners lately but I’ve enjoyed the small break as I’ve focused on reconnecting with me for a minute!  We will see what the future week brings!