Mr. Smooth # 23

The last couple of weeks have found me consumed with a new online dating site. I’ve had quite a few responses from the men. Actually, I generally don’t contact them first so it’s more accurate to say that I have been contacted by many of the men. Some of them aren’t so bad either. Others? Well, we will get to them! Just like life, you get all kinds on the internet. 

One day last week I was informed that I was someone’s favorite. I get this quite a bit but I always check to see if it’s someone decent. Well, this particular man was HOT! I was seriously surprised I made his list but feeling suddenly optimistic, I decided to go ahead and write him a short note. He seemed to like it because he responded and even laughed a little. Always a good sign. His response was short however and I gave him a little bit of a hard time about his “detailed” response. He said that we should meet up and talk and then he would give me more detail. He added his number so I thought, why not? I texted him with mine and when he responded I let him know I’d be down for a meet up, to just let me know when. He said, “how about 9:30 tonight?” Hmm…I thought it through for a few minutes and decided to just go ahead and go for it. I wanted to feel like I was really out there dating again and moving on from Mr. Manly. 

After texting Mr. Smooth a few times, I was slightly put out that he wanted to meet up at his place but I decided to go for it anyway….even though it was against the rules. I thought I’d just be careful. So, I went and texted him when I got there but he was still on the freeway. He had just dropped off his kids back at their mom’s house far away I guess. I forgave him a little then for making me come to him since he had already been out doing a lot of driving. We went up to his place and since he was still in his work clothes, he changed while I watched t.v. Well, he turned the t.v on for me anyway and I was flipping channels. I got stuck on one that revealed on the menu strip at the bottom that it was a really inappropriate show. I freaked out and tried to change the channel but it wouldn’t change!!!!! I was praying he did not come out!! Finally, I got it off of that and right after, he stuck his head out and asked if I was getting it figured out. Whew!

When he finally got all changed we decided to watch a movie. It took awhile to find one but thankfully I didn’t actually hate his movie collection. It was decent and he was respectful of the fact that I didn’t watch rated R’s. We chose this Chris Farley film I had never seen before. It was goofy but kinda fun. So, right away he cuddled up to me and I thought…who needs Mr. Manly anyway?? 

As the movie progressed so did Mr. Handsy…I mean Mr. Smooth. He was good. I mean, smooth at putting on the moves. By the way, in person he was super HOT too. I was worried he wasn’t going to like me. No matter. Soon we were makin out so I wasn’t too worried about that. I know….horrible! But I was glad to forget about the other someone for a few minutes and to pretend like someone wanted to kiss me. It was fun but the whole time I knew that this was going to go nowhere because that is no way to start a relationship and well, I’m pretty sure that was all he wanted from me. And I was okay with that. Kind of. 

I left when I needed to. I mean, I was a little nervous cause the man had successfully made 4 babies in the past so I know where he’s been ya know? But I was careful and yeah….I eventually went home. I do not expect to hear from him again. I haven’t so far and that was a few days ago. Too bad cause he was actually pretty nice other than that and well, really, really good looking! But that’s not the kind of guy I want or the kind of girl I want to be. I thought I would feel a little more validated since the last couple of guys I dated never wanted to kiss me. It was nice to be kissed but I don’t feel any better about myself. Worse really so yeah, I hate where I am at right now.

It's a Numbers Game

Back when I started this project forever ago, the person who inspired me to do it shared a similar experience she had. She related that when she turned 31 and could no longer attend her church meetings with the younger singles, her bishop counseled her to date 40 men because marriage was about numbers. She was hesitant but eventually made a list and did everything in her power to accomplish such a daunting task. I thought that maybe I could do the same thing….and blog about it. Well, I have learned a great deal about myself and dating in the process. I’m glad for that! Still, the journey has been somewhat long and laborious, while really exciting at times as well. 

I’m currently finding myself back at square one and wondering once again where to turn this time. Mr. Manly just doesn’t seem interested in me and I know in reality that it’s over. It was fun while it lasted. Really fun! It was so nice to have someone to be excited about, to have a man be affectionate toward me and to hold my hand, give me the best hugs ever, and to cuddle with. I enjoyed our conversations and the hope I felt in my future. Now, I am once again left heartbroken and lonely. This cycle is all part of the process though and I know that. I know that I have overcome heartbreak before and so I can do it again! I thought that maybe I’d share how exactly I am coping with yet another disappointment in the dating game of life.

First and foremost, God is central to my life. The thing that gives me the greatest peace and comfort in my life is accepting that He has a plan for me. Over the last several months I have really tried to turn my life over to Him completely. Doing so allows me to trust that He knows what is best for me and wants what will bring me the greatest happiness and joy in life. When I fully declare my trust in Him and this plan for me, I feel great peace and relief!! I can’t describe it to you but I just know that I have nothing to fear, that everything is going to be okay. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon that I love. I believe it is in Mosiah 23:28. The people of Alma had seen great hardship and once they were settled and starting to freely live the gospel, they saw their enemies upon them and they were afraid. Yet they were reminded in whom they trusted and it says, “they hushed their fears and began to cry unto the Lord.” I tell myself constantly to hush my fears. In the end, everything is going to work out. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard right now cause it pretty much sucks. I have HOPE though!

This brings me to my second coping strategy. Because I trust in the Lord, I do everything possible to stay near to Him and to have His calming spirit with me. I do this because I know that I am surrounded by the adversary and his angels who yell in my ear that I am not good enough…that there is no hope, etc. I have to beat them and I have to drown out their demeaning words. The only way to do that is to stay near to God. I do that by reading the scriptures more faithfully and by studying every other piece of church material I can get my hands on. And then I go to the temple regularly. I go as much as I can because it is a safe house for me. I know that in there I can only feel the right spirit and it feels good.

So…those are my number one coping strategies! Next, I stay active and I plan. I love hiking and now is the right time of year to do it! This keeps me moving which is great because I feel good about myself, and it allows me to enjoy nature which is the love of my life! It also feels like a safe place for me which is needed. Besides, who doesn’t love the accomplishment of conquering a mountain?! It’s great! Keeping busy is important for me so aside from hiking as much as possible, I plan other activities. I focus on what might be important in my life like what I can accomplish, how I can improve in my job, and how I can better serve those around me. Then I also plan as much fun as possible! I am actually going to Europe this summer!! I am occupied right now with plans for this one month trip to a far away land! It’s important to have things to look forward to…besides marriage and babies. :)

 

Finally, I do everything in my power to control what I can control and let the rest go. I’m still doing my part. In fact, I joined another dating site. It’s proving fairly fruitful so far. I have a couple of guys that want to meet me and several more who are talking to me. My heart isn’t fully in it but I figure, the more I do it, the more likely it will be to catch up with me at some point, right? I also feel like I can control things like my appearance and physical fitness so I am reevaluating how to better get in shape and what I can do for a change….like get a haircut! :) I’ve found that change can be good in moving forward as well. So, there you have it. This is my life right now and soon, I won’t feel quite so bad that I was rejected yet again, right?

Ps…you should go to youtube and look up, “Mindy Gledhill Small Enough.” It’s one of my favs!

Spring Fling

Hiking is one of my favorite activities. Last week was my spring break and it was a delightful one at that. During one of my long days off, I set out for the mountains to check the current status of my favorite trails. It was a beautiful spring day filled with warm sunshine, new life, and singing birds. The trail I chose that day was perfect, unburied from its winter hibernation and ready for some new tread. As I began my steep ascent, it was then that I wondered why hiking was such a favorite past time of mine. It was HARD! The climb is always tough and leaves me quickly out of breath, sweating, and feeling rather weak and insignificant. Of course the first hike of the season is always the toughest. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder a little bit where my joy and longing came from for this sport. Then I took in a huge breath of fresh mountain air, looked up at my indescribably beautiful surroundings, felt the warm sun, and remembered. It was these that I loved. I kept going. Each step brought me closer to my desired destination that would be a truly worthwhile reward. 

As I continued along, I caught my rhythm and seemed to warm up a little into it. There were times that were harder than others. Still, I pressed on. Finally, I reached the overlook that I sought and I smiled. I found a place where no one else would be but that contained such a magnificent view of the peak across the canyon, as well as the beautiful valley I had left behind. Ahhh, it was breathtaking and honestly healing to my soul. That’s how I feel about the mountains. I felt like a better person for completing the climb….like I can conquer anything. And I felt safe and renewed at the top.

As I sat and pondered my life, I realized that often times, my dating has felt very similar to a difficult climb up steep terrain. Often I am looking down and wondering what I am doing and where I am going. The journey really does seem HARD for me! Sometimes however, things go well. I get a glimpse of what may lie ahead at the peak of my journey. And I smile. It is those moments that keep me putting one foot in front of the other, working toward that amazing view and seemingly endless bounty of blessings. I know it will come. I know that when I reach the summit, I will be even more grateful for it after my hard work getting there. I will feel like I can conquer the world! 

With that, my current dating life continues to fall into this pattern. On another beautiful spring day during my break, I spent a long blessed day with Mr. Manly. His parents were to return home from their mission the next day. Now, just as an update, we have continued to talk almost every day, have enjoyed many outings together, and seem to continue to plan for other such future outings. The week before my break however, he had a small accident on his mountain bike, leaving incredibly bruised ribs, among various other injuries. He has not been in great shape since. As a result, I offered to help him get the house ready for his parents to come home. He was very grateful for the suggestions so I set out for his place one gorgeous morning last week.

Once I arrived at his house, we immediately set out to the task at hand: yard work. They have a huge and very beautiful yard! We worked and talked for hours. Lately he has been talking to me a lot about the future and what he wants to do, etc. I appreciate that he feels like he can talk to me about that and seems to want my opinion. We talked about general conference (a big semi-annual meeting our church holds) and some of the talks we enjoyed. We also talked about some other church related subjects, as well as fun ones. We went to lunch, Office Max, and Office Depot, then headed back to his house for a little more work. One of the neighbors stuck her head out the window to talk to him for a minute and she introduced herself to me as well. She was friendly. Later, when we finished all we could do, we went inside to rest and get ready for the rest of the night which we had planned on spending together. So, I went out to my car to get clothes to change into and as I was walking out, there were a bunch people in the neighbor’s driveway. They were super friendly to me and this older lady asked me my name and said, “I’m grandma. I just want to see who this girl is that Mr. Manly has over. I have to see if she is pretty enough.” I laughed and we all chatted for a bit and then Mr. Manly came out of the house. The grandma said, “I just had to see if this girl is pretty enough for you. Grandma approves!” How cute right? It was fun. 

I changed while he showered. I had a little extra time so I decided to play his piano while I waited. Then he came up and I played a little more, we talked, and then we headed to dinner. While there, we ended up sitting at this table (I had chosen) that was right next to another older-ish couple from his ward. They were also very friendly and somewhat curious about me. We talked for a few minutes and then they left. Mr. Manly and I had more great and meaningful conversation and then eventually headed back to his house. He burned a couple more cd’s for me, we watched some videos, and then some of our favorite t.v.

Finally, after being there for over 14 ½ hours, it was time to go. Even after all that time I didn’t necessarily want to go. I knew it would be awhile before I saw him again with his crazy work schedule and family coming from out of town this month. So I reluctantly said goodbye. He asked me twice to text him when I got home. I ended up calling on my way. He said he wasn’t going to go to bed until he had gotten my text that I gotten home safely anyway so it was good. And that is sweet! 

So, things with him are great. We talked a little about us. We agreed that we both like each other and enjoy spending time together and that we have a lot of fun. We are not quite ready for a relationship though. I feel good about things as they are. I appreciate a man who takes the time to get to know me and that is kind, affectionate, gentlemanly, and who possesses many other great qualities! Things will work out however they are supposed to and for now…I’m keeping my options open and am planning many great and fun things in my future! Life is good!!

Time for an Update

It is late and I am tired so this is going to be short. I figured you were probably wondering what was happening with the rest of my small man harem so I am sacrificing a little sleep to keep you informed.

Mr. Charming Yoga man: No show. I texted him a few days after our delightful date and he texted me back, kind of. He is now AWOL though I haven't tried contacting him at all.

Mr. Lovin Peru: Avoiding me. Yes, it's blissful. I did not see his face this entire last week. I may have restricted him on my facebook account but sometimes you have to do what you have to do in order to be less creeped out by the Latino guy who keeps liking everything you post.

Mr. Manly the Pilot: Just left his house. Yep...number four my friends. And it was great. He just flew in this afternoon however so he was quite tired. At the same time, I'm glad he wanted to see me just as soon as he got home. I thought I was going to about die if I had to wait any longer myself. We had a marathon of "The Office," ordered pizza, watched some hilarious and entertaining you tube videos, held hands, cuddled, he slept, and that was that. It was a good night. He told me to drive home safely and requested a text when I got home. I sent him one and he said he was glad I made it safe and that he would talk to me soon. He talks of future plans with me now. For example, he says we will have to get the telescope out when we can catch a clear night. He has a couple of CD's he wants to burn for me and yeah...just little things like that tell me that he wants to be around a little longer. Plus, he is so cute when he grabs my hand or something like that. I hope I see him again really soon. :)

Other: Last week at church a guy asked for my number. I declined and I was so proud of the way I did it, just like the dating coach suggested. I made him feel good about himself but I also lied...sort of. I told him I was kind of dating someone else. Not a complete lie though. I am...just nothing officially. So there it is. Me and my men. Now....to bed!

Big Manly Hands

And the winner is…the anonymous cheater!! Haha…I’m pretty sure someone told you I was going out with Mr. Manly the Pilot, D. But either way, I decided that the prize is the creepy doll I made for my grandma when I was young and recently re-inherited upon her death a couple of weeks ago. :) 

So yes my friends, the date was actually with the pilot for round three. One thing I like about him is that he is always a man with a plan. We are both into astronomy so, since he recently acquired a sweet new telescope, he invited me out to dinner and a star party/date which he called, a star date. Anyway, I was pretty excited about this one because being under the night sky is always an amazing experience but with a man…very romantic! 

As we approached the big day, the weather outlook wasn’t looking too bright. He informed me that he had a contingency plan if it was cloudy. What? A man with a back-up plan too? Love it! I had an idea what that plan might be but I thought I’d wait and see if he wanted to tell me. I think he wanted to surprise me. He picked me up close to on time and we headed out on our adventure. He took me in the direction of down town and I knew that my suspicions had to be correct. And correct they were. We went to the Clark Planetarium and therefore I have come full circle in this dating experiment. If you will recall, that is where I took date #1 a couple of years ago. I took him because I love astronomy. This time, it was mutual. We had fun looking around for awhile and then saw a show called, “The Violent Universe.” Oh my goodness, if you have not been to see a show there, I’m telling you, you must! The theater is sooo amazing! It was such a cool show! And completely different from the laser show I saw there before. It was awesome!

During the show I was really hoping he would hold my hand… but he didn’t. It was awkward in there with the arm rests and junk. He leaned in my direction but it just wasn’t happening. I was kind of disappointed. But, it eventually ended and we had to go. We set out in search of food! He took me to this AMAZING waffle place downtown. I don’t know what it was called I just know that it was delicious! It was a tiny place but so good! We ate quickly and that was that. It was early and he didn’t have anything else planned. So, he didn’t know what else to do but take me home. I wanted to hang out with him some more so I invited him to hang out at my house for a bit. I offered up my Netflix and everything. He immediately accepted but said he wouldn’t stay late because I had to get up for work and he needed to get into a better sleep schedule. I wasn’t sure what to think of that but was just excited that he was coming over.

At my house, I struggled a bit getting the Netflix to work so we chose a movie from my collection and put it in. We sat really close and not long in, our hands were so, so close and finally they made their way into each other. I think it was kind of both of us at the same time but I’m not sure. Once that barrier was crossed, I felt a lot better and didn’t really have any boundaries. I mean that appropriately though! I get nervous at first because I don’t want to be the first one to initiate contact but I don’t have a problem with contact after that at all. So, I won’t say much but it was a great night. We watched that movie, then a LONG episode of Star Trek on Netflix, then a couple of episodes of The Office. Then we turned off the t.v. and just cuddled for a good long, long while. It was great. We talked a little…sometimes more than others. 

I don’t know how to say this but basically, it was different in a good way and so nice. I really felt that he wanted to be with me. I felt safe in his arms…which is just what I have really wanted for so, so long. He also told me I was a good cuddler which made me smile, haha. Anyway, I just felt respect, equal, and valued which I can’t say was the case last time I dated a guy. Then, when we finally said goodbye…at a ridiculously late hour…he gave me the best, nice long hug! And then about 4 more of those before he actually left. There was a moment when he was walking down my front steps when he turned and looked back at me and we just smiled at each other and said goodbye again. Ahh…it was nice! Good date. Good guy! He already checked on me today to see how I was doing with almost no sleep! I’m happy.

Fool the Guesser

I grew up in Las Vegas. In the Interim between high school and college, I briefly worked at a magical place called Circus Circus. Yes, I wore a colorful shirt, beckoned passers-by to play my games, and held up large, ridiculous stuffed animals for all to see whenever we had a big winner! It was a job. It's only redeeming factor was working a game called, "Fool the Guesser." I enjoyed the challenge of guessing correctly the height, weight, or month of birth of willing participants. Well, that and I really liked playing with the sound board of most delightful sound effects.

Anyway, I bring this up because it's your turn now. So, I have a date on Monday. Guess who! Is it one of the three men I've lately dated? Is it a new guy? Who is it...you get to guess. And if you guess correctly well then, I will tell you that you are right! :) And if I can think of a better prize, you will get that too. Just updating you on my CRAZY crazy dating life! You will hear more soon.

Mr. Charming #22 (aka Yoga Man)

Tonight I finally met the mysterious yoga master we previously discussed. I had absolutely no expectations going into this date. Actually, I knew it would go well but was pretty sure that things weren’t really going to work out between us so I wasn’t incredibly worried about it. I also knew that it had to be better than last week’s over-the-top Latin lover. He does yoga, what’s not to love about that right? Anyway, he lives kind of far from me so we arranged to meet at a delicious restaurant in the middle…his choice. I had only been there once but have wanted to go back ever since so I was delighted at his decision. It’s somewhat of a little treasure here in the valley. The place is called, “Citrus Grill,” and so far their food has not disappointed these taste buds! 

Okay so here we are, the night that was pre-arranged. First of all, let me tell you how this came about. He said he was going to take me to dinner a couple of weeks ago. I hear from him sporadically and that is fine. At some point last week I was about to give up because he hadn’t actually set up a time yet he was still looking at my online profile. I was a little frustrated but still, decided to text him in a cute way to see what was up. I said, “Are you just gonna keep checking out my profile, or will I actually see you in the flesh one of these days. ;)” It seemed to go over well and he said, “Maybe a little bit of both.” So then we chatted a bit and we set up our date for tonight. He texted me earlier today to make sure I was still on board. Yes, I was a little bold…but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and I figured if it turned out poorly…what would I lose? I’m glad I did it.

Just before I arrived at our destination, he texted to tell me he was there, where he was sitting, and that he was wearing a gray beanie. I arrived shortly thereafter and he stood to give me a hug as we met. And….he was cute!! His smile made me smile…and we did a lot of that. It was so incredibly refreshing after last week’s incident. I almost forgot about that actually. We talked, we ate, we laughed, we had a good time. It wasn’t just all about, “what do you do? Cool, what do you do?” “What’s your favorite color?” Honestly I don’t ever care what someone’s favorite color is. It’s refreshing to have a date where you find out that stuff but you also share fun stories and you laugh. 

Now, I have a confession to make. I am not super proud so don’t judge me. It’s kind of against the rules to talk about other guys and stuff while on a date. BUT…he asked me if I had to work tomorrow. I told him I was supposed to and he caught on to the fact that I had a planned ditch day! I somehow felt the need to explain myself and may have told him about Mr. Latin Lover. Don’t judge me okay! Things just happen sometimes! Anyway, he laughed and gave me some suggestions. I LOVE that guy’s suggestions are SOO different from girl’s suggestions. His is way different from yours, haha. He said I should tell the guy I am a hoarder. He told me to watch a few episodes of “the hoarder” and familiarize myself with their lingo and then drop it on him. Silly guy! I like it though. He is just fun.

Speaking of fun…fun is what he does. He owns an outdoor shop, snow boards, fishes, does some other stuff. It sounds like he really enjoys living and makes the most of it. I like that. He also seems like a good guy…active in church…but also human. I don’t know, I just felt very comfortable with this beanie bearing charmer. He made me smile. Outside he walked me to my car and said he didn’t want any crazy Latino men to get me or something like that. My car was actually right outside the door though. He hugged me, thanked me, and said that he will check his schedule for next week and find a time that we can go out again. He said we can go to dinner AND do something else! 

When I got home I texted him and told him thanks again for dinner and that it was fun to meet him. He also had not shaved before our date but I thought he looked good. Anyway, that came up in one of our conversations so I might have also said, “I’m glad you didn’t shave, you wear your facial hair like a champion, haha. :)” I know…I am a DORK!! I told him I was excited to hang out again soon. He replied that it was nice to meet me too and that maybe next time he would be clean shaven. I said, “Haha well either way I thought you looked good.” I also wished him a great night. Then HE said, “That’s very nice of you to say. You looked cute too. Have a good night. Sweet dreams.” Aww, how cute is that? I know that having come from #21 I would have thought it was creepy but it totally made my night with this guy! Cheesy of me to share that whole conversation but I thought you might like it…cause I do. 

I am excited to see where this goes. And I’m excited to see where the other men go too. Speaking of other men, I swear, when it rains, it really does pour! What is the deal? I can’t keep them away it seems. At church on Sunday they guy whose house I went to play games a couple of months ago sat by me. He pretty much talked to me throughout the entire meeting. I know that doesn’t mean much, I just kind of wonder if he might be a little bit interested. It seems like it.

 Tonight a guy friend of mine texted me. I have sort of been his “dating mentor” these last couple of weeks. He comes to me with questions. He is dating a girl a little which is a small miracle because he NEVER dates or cares to really get out of the house. Anyway, he confessed to me at some point that he would date me but that he is not my type. Wow. Way to drop that on me friend. Anyway, I skirted around that nicely and we all left the conversation happy. Another friend called me today and does so frequently. I and some of our other associates can’t help but also wonder about his motives toward me. I’m not trying to say that the whole world is in love with me….it's just that a few guys are acting kind of suspiciously that way. That said, I have a few other guy friends that I suspect nothing of the sort from. We are friends and happy to just remain so. And that concludes my tale for tonight. Peace out-