Little Man #25

This is a little bitty post about a little bitty man. Okay, he wasn’t that small but I hate that pictures online can be so deceiving. Plus, I’m pretty sure that this little man that I met in my cyber world claimed a few inches taller than he really was. It wasn’t just that though…he was slightly taller than me…just somewhat feminine in nature, or something. My point: I’m gonna cut to the chase and just tell you, I liked him better cyber. Here’s our story….

We’ve emailed a few times online and then he asked for my number. It took him a few days but he finally called. When he did, I wasn’t impressed. I was actually pretty bored during the whole conversation. He asked me out though so I accepted….especially since it involved ice cream. I figured maybe in person things would be different. It’s always nice to give someone a chance anyway. We chose a place between us to meet and there we went for ice cream. When I saw him, I was immediately un-attracted to him and wished that he was someone else. I know this is horrible of me….but sometimes I’m on dates and I wonder what others around me are thinking and I get a little bit embarrassed. I was kind of embarrassed to be with him. How shallow of me right? Shallow but true…

Well, we sat down and ran out of conversation after about 5 minutes. It was kind of awkward. I also wasn’t really feeling the ice cream sadly! He just wanted “something small” but it ended up being as big as mine so I was secretly glad. I barely touched mine then asked for a box. He quickly finished and we didn’t mess around wasting time. He asked if I was ready to go so that my ice cream wouldn’t melt. I immediately replied in the affirmative. He paid, we walked out, and since our cars were in different directions, we parted ways without so much as a hug. I think we were both relieved to be on our way. Shortest date of my life. I think it lasted about a half an hour. And yet it was the longest half hour of my life. Sometimes, you are just not meant for each other and you both know it. We are very different people. And so…on to the next one. I’m on a roll…

Welcome to my Cyber World

Remember when I first reluctantly decided to try out the online dating scene? I was skeptical to say the least, it’s true. And well, I had good reason to be. That site was free and everyone on it thought that lovin was free too. That or they were seriously weird. I didn’t stay long. After trying so hard the last couple of years and searching high and low not only in the Salt Lake Valley where I live, but across the entire country, I have still come up dry on the husband search. So, last year of course I decided to try once again the only other thing I could think of….the internet. This time around I knew that payment was necessary in order to find the men that were serious. 

I plunged into the most expensive site I could find last fall. I did it on a whim. I answered a million questions about myself and my interests so that they could properly match me up with my Mr. Right. It wasn’t long before I realized that I could answer all the questions in the world and they still wouldn’t know me well enough to find me the right guy. A few months down the road however, I found Mr. Manly and I was pretty excited. He seemed like a good match to me so it restored my faith in the system. Obviously however, it didn’t last. I talked to him last night for about an hour and it just wasn’t there. I could tell that he is so done. You and I both already knew that though right? But, I learned lessons from my experiences with him and I know that for that short time, I was supposed to be with him and have the experiences we had. Now however, it is time to move on.

So, the other site just hasn’t been cutting it for me anymore. I have to wait for them to match me up and I honestly haven’t been all that thrilled with my matches. My friends have had better luck on another site which I again decided to join on a whim. Ever since I joined a couple of weeks ago, I feel like my life has been consumed with men! They are coming out of the wood work left and right. The nice part: they are for the most part actually contacting me. I like that. I also like that several times a day I am told that I am beautiful, cute, attractive, pretty, etc. I know they can’t see me in person but their flattery works wonders for the ego that was recently crushed to pieces by a manly man who didn’t want any part of this anymore. 

Well, despite the good comments and the fact that I am talking to and meeting several men, there are still some real interesting men out there in the cyber world. These are men that should never be allowed near women and have obviously been living in social Siberia their entire lives. Despite their lack of common sense when it comes to communication, they keep things interesting and well…entertaining, so long as they are not the ONLY guys trying to make a move. I’ve received some real treasures from these such men and I thought you might once again like to share in my humor and confusion at receiving such messages. 

First let’s look at the guy who has a handle bar mustache with a scarf on his head. He stalks me frequently. His best message to me so far went like this:

“Hi there!

I am: Ivan (name changed)

I am: Sovereign, LDS!

I like your profile, and you are VERY pretty! Your eyes totally own me! :-)

I would love to get to know you.

I was wondering,

What gives you the most fulfillment in life?

Do you work out?

What are You looking for in a man?

What are your Hopes and Dreams?

Please feel free to ask me anything!

I hope to hear from You soon!

Love, Ivan :-)

:-)”

Wow…so there’s that. I didn’t respond. He later sent me a poem called, “Friendship.” It was fantastic. Ahh…good times. Well, then there was this older gentleman from Mexico, which is kind of far away. I won’t share the whole message because he honestly wrote me a book but maybe just a little? Here’s what he had to say:

“Hi, my name is Jorge and let me tell you more about me! Well what I can said, Im a dreamer and I still believe in real love, love like the one we see all the time in movies!! One of my favorite movies is the notebook, Im looking for love that kind!! And I know that kind of love exist! I have that example with my parents, they still love each other even after more than 45 years of marriage!! And because of them I learned marriage is not easy, but is a combination of so many things, of course Love is one of the most important parts of the puzzle, but there are so many other things like, trust, honesty, loyalty, patience, good coummunication and something really important, daily work!

…. I am really interested in you and I want to know more about you and get to know you better, so if you are interested in get to know me more, please, write me a line and we can move it from there!”

Yep, another winner. How about just one more? This guy was kind of a piece of work. I’m not sure how to describe him but he looks a little redneck to be honest. He’s from Michigan….this is important to know. He first sent me a “flirt” that said, “I like your profile. Feel free to send me a message.” Right after, he sent a real email, the subject of which was Gang Member #2 and in it he said:

“I know there is a lot of gangs in Salt Lake so I’m sorry if I offended you in any way by sending the flirt. I am very sorry. LOL Country line dance. WHAT? I wouldn’t brag about that. Just a joke homegirl. No need to call your peeps out to bust my legs. I think you are very beautiful and I would like to get to know you better. Take care. Your homeboy Sam.”

Wow!!! Really? Insult me and then tell me I’m beautiful? I’m flattered! Well, good times on the old internet. My friend and I have a new line for guys. We just tell them, “I like you better cyber.” Just kidding, not really but most guys are better before they open their mouths the first time. Still…I’m putting one foot in front of the other and dating to forget, and dating until I feel like dating. Meanwhile, I get to keep sorting through these winners! Wish me luck! I have another date tonight and one on Saturday…so far. ;)

Mr. Excited # 24

You know how guys get freaked out sometimes at overly anxious girls? I totally get that now. Why? Well, because it seems that I have run into the same problem, only opposite, quite frequently lately. I feel that desperate vibe and it FREAKS me out! So anyway, I went on a date last night. Yesterday I was online and he started chatting with me. He was quite complimentary of my smile. One of my pictures really made his day I guess. I thanked him for the compliment because I am trying to be as open minded as possible in this process…without crossing the line to the creepers side. 

Anyway, we chatted awhile and then he got my number and quickly texted.  The more we talked, the more excited he was about this little connection…and he let me know. He asked me out and we made a plan for the next day. He kept texting me throughout the night and to be honest, I was feeling only so-so about him in the first place. He wasn’t bad looking, I just felt like maybe we were different. You never know about people until you meet them though. So, I was fully willing to give him a chance. We live near each other but I was determined to do things right this time around so we set a public place to meet up.

Last night was the big night. He was excited and let me know. I was excited for the Thai food I was about to devour. And I was a little curious. I got there and he met me at the door with a hand shake and a hug. Not bad looking in person either. He’s in the military so he’s pretty in shape! His cologne however, kind of overpowered everything and I wasn’t its biggest fan. As we sat talking about the menu, I just felt kind of detached. I tried to be there and I did stay there…but I just wasn’t feeling it. I felt like just the way we communicate and who we are is just different. He seemed super nice and I can tell he is a really good guy. At least I knew he wasn’t just after some lip right? There is just something different about our general style…does that make sense. 

I was really hungry and after awhile was getting antsy for me food, not only to eat, but also to have something else to do besides talk to him. I was worried however that my food might be ruined by his smell. When it finally arrived like manna from heaven, I was relieved and happy to note that either my nostrils had acclimatized, or the food mostly drowned out his scent. It wasn’t my favorite Thai food every but it sufficed. I ate until I could eat no more and then we sat and chatted a little longer. Thankfully he wasn’t one to linger forever so we eventually made our way out to the parking lot. He drove me the two rows from his car to mine. I think he just wanted to show off his sweet ride because it took a lot of convincing to get him to just meet me there and not come pick me up. Anyway, it was a nice car. He dropped me off and then made me wait in the car while he came around to open my door. Awkward! I mean, I LOVE a good gentleman but the waiting from the inside of the car has always baffled me a little. Anyway, he gave me a super good squeeze with sound effects and all (and by the way…he really was in GOOD shape!) and then we said goodbye. As I was getting into the car he kept saying things like, “call if you want to hang out again.” I probably won’t be if he calls me….maybe I will give it another shot? I dunno…

Mr. Smooth # 23

The last couple of weeks have found me consumed with a new online dating site. I’ve had quite a few responses from the men. Actually, I generally don’t contact them first so it’s more accurate to say that I have been contacted by many of the men. Some of them aren’t so bad either. Others? Well, we will get to them! Just like life, you get all kinds on the internet. 

One day last week I was informed that I was someone’s favorite. I get this quite a bit but I always check to see if it’s someone decent. Well, this particular man was HOT! I was seriously surprised I made his list but feeling suddenly optimistic, I decided to go ahead and write him a short note. He seemed to like it because he responded and even laughed a little. Always a good sign. His response was short however and I gave him a little bit of a hard time about his “detailed” response. He said that we should meet up and talk and then he would give me more detail. He added his number so I thought, why not? I texted him with mine and when he responded I let him know I’d be down for a meet up, to just let me know when. He said, “how about 9:30 tonight?” Hmm…I thought it through for a few minutes and decided to just go ahead and go for it. I wanted to feel like I was really out there dating again and moving on from Mr. Manly. 

After texting Mr. Smooth a few times, I was slightly put out that he wanted to meet up at his place but I decided to go for it anyway….even though it was against the rules. I thought I’d just be careful. So, I went and texted him when I got there but he was still on the freeway. He had just dropped off his kids back at their mom’s house far away I guess. I forgave him a little then for making me come to him since he had already been out doing a lot of driving. We went up to his place and since he was still in his work clothes, he changed while I watched t.v. Well, he turned the t.v on for me anyway and I was flipping channels. I got stuck on one that revealed on the menu strip at the bottom that it was a really inappropriate show. I freaked out and tried to change the channel but it wouldn’t change!!!!! I was praying he did not come out!! Finally, I got it off of that and right after, he stuck his head out and asked if I was getting it figured out. Whew!

When he finally got all changed we decided to watch a movie. It took awhile to find one but thankfully I didn’t actually hate his movie collection. It was decent and he was respectful of the fact that I didn’t watch rated R’s. We chose this Chris Farley film I had never seen before. It was goofy but kinda fun. So, right away he cuddled up to me and I thought…who needs Mr. Manly anyway?? 

As the movie progressed so did Mr. Handsy…I mean Mr. Smooth. He was good. I mean, smooth at putting on the moves. By the way, in person he was super HOT too. I was worried he wasn’t going to like me. No matter. Soon we were makin out so I wasn’t too worried about that. I know….horrible! But I was glad to forget about the other someone for a few minutes and to pretend like someone wanted to kiss me. It was fun but the whole time I knew that this was going to go nowhere because that is no way to start a relationship and well, I’m pretty sure that was all he wanted from me. And I was okay with that. Kind of. 

I left when I needed to. I mean, I was a little nervous cause the man had successfully made 4 babies in the past so I know where he’s been ya know? But I was careful and yeah….I eventually went home. I do not expect to hear from him again. I haven’t so far and that was a few days ago. Too bad cause he was actually pretty nice other than that and well, really, really good looking! But that’s not the kind of guy I want or the kind of girl I want to be. I thought I would feel a little more validated since the last couple of guys I dated never wanted to kiss me. It was nice to be kissed but I don’t feel any better about myself. Worse really so yeah, I hate where I am at right now.

It's a Numbers Game

Back when I started this project forever ago, the person who inspired me to do it shared a similar experience she had. She related that when she turned 31 and could no longer attend her church meetings with the younger singles, her bishop counseled her to date 40 men because marriage was about numbers. She was hesitant but eventually made a list and did everything in her power to accomplish such a daunting task. I thought that maybe I could do the same thing….and blog about it. Well, I have learned a great deal about myself and dating in the process. I’m glad for that! Still, the journey has been somewhat long and laborious, while really exciting at times as well. 

I’m currently finding myself back at square one and wondering once again where to turn this time. Mr. Manly just doesn’t seem interested in me and I know in reality that it’s over. It was fun while it lasted. Really fun! It was so nice to have someone to be excited about, to have a man be affectionate toward me and to hold my hand, give me the best hugs ever, and to cuddle with. I enjoyed our conversations and the hope I felt in my future. Now, I am once again left heartbroken and lonely. This cycle is all part of the process though and I know that. I know that I have overcome heartbreak before and so I can do it again! I thought that maybe I’d share how exactly I am coping with yet another disappointment in the dating game of life.

First and foremost, God is central to my life. The thing that gives me the greatest peace and comfort in my life is accepting that He has a plan for me. Over the last several months I have really tried to turn my life over to Him completely. Doing so allows me to trust that He knows what is best for me and wants what will bring me the greatest happiness and joy in life. When I fully declare my trust in Him and this plan for me, I feel great peace and relief!! I can’t describe it to you but I just know that I have nothing to fear, that everything is going to be okay. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon that I love. I believe it is in Mosiah 23:28. The people of Alma had seen great hardship and once they were settled and starting to freely live the gospel, they saw their enemies upon them and they were afraid. Yet they were reminded in whom they trusted and it says, “they hushed their fears and began to cry unto the Lord.” I tell myself constantly to hush my fears. In the end, everything is going to work out. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard right now cause it pretty much sucks. I have HOPE though!

This brings me to my second coping strategy. Because I trust in the Lord, I do everything possible to stay near to Him and to have His calming spirit with me. I do this because I know that I am surrounded by the adversary and his angels who yell in my ear that I am not good enough…that there is no hope, etc. I have to beat them and I have to drown out their demeaning words. The only way to do that is to stay near to God. I do that by reading the scriptures more faithfully and by studying every other piece of church material I can get my hands on. And then I go to the temple regularly. I go as much as I can because it is a safe house for me. I know that in there I can only feel the right spirit and it feels good.

So…those are my number one coping strategies! Next, I stay active and I plan. I love hiking and now is the right time of year to do it! This keeps me moving which is great because I feel good about myself, and it allows me to enjoy nature which is the love of my life! It also feels like a safe place for me which is needed. Besides, who doesn’t love the accomplishment of conquering a mountain?! It’s great! Keeping busy is important for me so aside from hiking as much as possible, I plan other activities. I focus on what might be important in my life like what I can accomplish, how I can improve in my job, and how I can better serve those around me. Then I also plan as much fun as possible! I am actually going to Europe this summer!! I am occupied right now with plans for this one month trip to a far away land! It’s important to have things to look forward to…besides marriage and babies. :)

 

Finally, I do everything in my power to control what I can control and let the rest go. I’m still doing my part. In fact, I joined another dating site. It’s proving fairly fruitful so far. I have a couple of guys that want to meet me and several more who are talking to me. My heart isn’t fully in it but I figure, the more I do it, the more likely it will be to catch up with me at some point, right? I also feel like I can control things like my appearance and physical fitness so I am reevaluating how to better get in shape and what I can do for a change….like get a haircut! :) I’ve found that change can be good in moving forward as well. So, there you have it. This is my life right now and soon, I won’t feel quite so bad that I was rejected yet again, right?

Ps…you should go to youtube and look up, “Mindy Gledhill Small Enough.” It’s one of my favs!

Spring Fling

Hiking is one of my favorite activities. Last week was my spring break and it was a delightful one at that. During one of my long days off, I set out for the mountains to check the current status of my favorite trails. It was a beautiful spring day filled with warm sunshine, new life, and singing birds. The trail I chose that day was perfect, unburied from its winter hibernation and ready for some new tread. As I began my steep ascent, it was then that I wondered why hiking was such a favorite past time of mine. It was HARD! The climb is always tough and leaves me quickly out of breath, sweating, and feeling rather weak and insignificant. Of course the first hike of the season is always the toughest. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder a little bit where my joy and longing came from for this sport. Then I took in a huge breath of fresh mountain air, looked up at my indescribably beautiful surroundings, felt the warm sun, and remembered. It was these that I loved. I kept going. Each step brought me closer to my desired destination that would be a truly worthwhile reward. 

As I continued along, I caught my rhythm and seemed to warm up a little into it. There were times that were harder than others. Still, I pressed on. Finally, I reached the overlook that I sought and I smiled. I found a place where no one else would be but that contained such a magnificent view of the peak across the canyon, as well as the beautiful valley I had left behind. Ahhh, it was breathtaking and honestly healing to my soul. That’s how I feel about the mountains. I felt like a better person for completing the climb….like I can conquer anything. And I felt safe and renewed at the top.

As I sat and pondered my life, I realized that often times, my dating has felt very similar to a difficult climb up steep terrain. Often I am looking down and wondering what I am doing and where I am going. The journey really does seem HARD for me! Sometimes however, things go well. I get a glimpse of what may lie ahead at the peak of my journey. And I smile. It is those moments that keep me putting one foot in front of the other, working toward that amazing view and seemingly endless bounty of blessings. I know it will come. I know that when I reach the summit, I will be even more grateful for it after my hard work getting there. I will feel like I can conquer the world! 

With that, my current dating life continues to fall into this pattern. On another beautiful spring day during my break, I spent a long blessed day with Mr. Manly. His parents were to return home from their mission the next day. Now, just as an update, we have continued to talk almost every day, have enjoyed many outings together, and seem to continue to plan for other such future outings. The week before my break however, he had a small accident on his mountain bike, leaving incredibly bruised ribs, among various other injuries. He has not been in great shape since. As a result, I offered to help him get the house ready for his parents to come home. He was very grateful for the suggestions so I set out for his place one gorgeous morning last week.

Once I arrived at his house, we immediately set out to the task at hand: yard work. They have a huge and very beautiful yard! We worked and talked for hours. Lately he has been talking to me a lot about the future and what he wants to do, etc. I appreciate that he feels like he can talk to me about that and seems to want my opinion. We talked about general conference (a big semi-annual meeting our church holds) and some of the talks we enjoyed. We also talked about some other church related subjects, as well as fun ones. We went to lunch, Office Max, and Office Depot, then headed back to his house for a little more work. One of the neighbors stuck her head out the window to talk to him for a minute and she introduced herself to me as well. She was friendly. Later, when we finished all we could do, we went inside to rest and get ready for the rest of the night which we had planned on spending together. So, I went out to my car to get clothes to change into and as I was walking out, there were a bunch people in the neighbor’s driveway. They were super friendly to me and this older lady asked me my name and said, “I’m grandma. I just want to see who this girl is that Mr. Manly has over. I have to see if she is pretty enough.” I laughed and we all chatted for a bit and then Mr. Manly came out of the house. The grandma said, “I just had to see if this girl is pretty enough for you. Grandma approves!” How cute right? It was fun. 

I changed while he showered. I had a little extra time so I decided to play his piano while I waited. Then he came up and I played a little more, we talked, and then we headed to dinner. While there, we ended up sitting at this table (I had chosen) that was right next to another older-ish couple from his ward. They were also very friendly and somewhat curious about me. We talked for a few minutes and then they left. Mr. Manly and I had more great and meaningful conversation and then eventually headed back to his house. He burned a couple more cd’s for me, we watched some videos, and then some of our favorite t.v.

Finally, after being there for over 14 ½ hours, it was time to go. Even after all that time I didn’t necessarily want to go. I knew it would be awhile before I saw him again with his crazy work schedule and family coming from out of town this month. So I reluctantly said goodbye. He asked me twice to text him when I got home. I ended up calling on my way. He said he wasn’t going to go to bed until he had gotten my text that I gotten home safely anyway so it was good. And that is sweet! 

So, things with him are great. We talked a little about us. We agreed that we both like each other and enjoy spending time together and that we have a lot of fun. We are not quite ready for a relationship though. I feel good about things as they are. I appreciate a man who takes the time to get to know me and that is kind, affectionate, gentlemanly, and who possesses many other great qualities! Things will work out however they are supposed to and for now…I’m keeping my options open and am planning many great and fun things in my future! Life is good!!

Time for an Update

It is late and I am tired so this is going to be short. I figured you were probably wondering what was happening with the rest of my small man harem so I am sacrificing a little sleep to keep you informed.

Mr. Charming Yoga man: No show. I texted him a few days after our delightful date and he texted me back, kind of. He is now AWOL though I haven't tried contacting him at all.

Mr. Lovin Peru: Avoiding me. Yes, it's blissful. I did not see his face this entire last week. I may have restricted him on my facebook account but sometimes you have to do what you have to do in order to be less creeped out by the Latino guy who keeps liking everything you post.

Mr. Manly the Pilot: Just left his house. Yep...number four my friends. And it was great. He just flew in this afternoon however so he was quite tired. At the same time, I'm glad he wanted to see me just as soon as he got home. I thought I was going to about die if I had to wait any longer myself. We had a marathon of "The Office," ordered pizza, watched some hilarious and entertaining you tube videos, held hands, cuddled, he slept, and that was that. It was a good night. He told me to drive home safely and requested a text when I got home. I sent him one and he said he was glad I made it safe and that he would talk to me soon. He talks of future plans with me now. For example, he says we will have to get the telescope out when we can catch a clear night. He has a couple of CD's he wants to burn for me and yeah...just little things like that tell me that he wants to be around a little longer. Plus, he is so cute when he grabs my hand or something like that. I hope I see him again really soon. :)

Other: Last week at church a guy asked for my number. I declined and I was so proud of the way I did it, just like the dating coach suggested. I made him feel good about himself but I also lied...sort of. I told him I was kind of dating someone else. Not a complete lie though. I am...just nothing officially. So there it is. Me and my men. Now....to bed!