Distracted

For several reasons I have neglected to update in a little while. I’ve been busy, distracted, and trying to decide whether or not to stick around the internet! I think that for now I will just continue to update as I see fit because I really enjoy writing and…your company! I also enjoy the company of Mr. Keeper and have been taking in as much of it as possible over the last few weeks. I know, I know, I’m totally ignoring the rules. Okay, not completely…I’m trying to be somewhat more careful about how I play, “The Game.” By ignoring “the rules,” I mean that I’ve been a little too available. At first I was careful about it…somewhat. Lately however, I have been there for him at every request…or lack of request. Not good, right?! Thankfully he still seems happy in my company and quite ready to continue our shenanigans.


Before I go any further, I know you are dying for some details so I will share a little and then tell you what I’m thinking! Things are GREAT! I am SO happy! :) Mr. Keeper is a fun, fun guy. We are both ridiculously sarcastic so we get along well and have no trouble texting all day and night…or talking on the phone…or hanging out. He is a nice person too. He’s a good guy. So for now, we are having fun. He is really nice to me as well as respectful. We have hung out several times and usually end up staying together until all hours of the night or morning. He hasn’t kissed me but I’m kind of glad. It makes me feel like he really likes to be with me, and doesn’t just want to make out! :) Haha. He is a great cuddler though! He’s held my hand and given me some good squeezes so really, that whole drought thing is finally starting to be compensated for!

Despite all of the great things that happen, I am still a girl and being who I am, can find something to worry about in anything. In this situation I often find myself getting worried that any minute he is not going to like me, or that something bad will happen. I keep thinking of the words from my favorite book, “Their Eyes Were Watching God.” The following paragraph rings so true to me as I have often related in a similar manner. It reads:

"In the cool of the afternoon the fiend from hell specially sent to lovers arrived at Jaine's ear. Doubt. All the fears that circumstance could provide and the heart feel, attacked her on every side. This was a new sensation for her, but no less excruciating. If only Tea Cake would make her certain! He did not return that night nor the next and so she plunged into the abyss and descended to the ninth darkness where light has never been."

Wow, well said Ms. Hurston. Anyway, I like to doubt things but I am trying very hard not to let this show when I communicate with the man! I’m trying to keep it chill when I am with him, or not, and so far it seems to be working. Either way though, I’d really like to know where we are at. You know the dreaded, DTR (define the relationship), guess sometimes it’s necessary after all. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to enjoy life and not worry too terribly much because I know that whatever happens is meant to happen. I will let you know how things progress! For now however, I think I need to catch up on some lost sleep! Something has been keeping me up late!

Mr. Keeper #13...and Happy Anniversary!

First of all, it’s been awhile. Honestly, I have had so, so many thoughts flying through my head lately, I haven’t know what to write or where to start. And of my current situation?? Yep, it’s been a little difficult to determine for myself, let alone to put out there on the internet. But, in honor of my one year anniversary at this project, I thought I’d do my best to decipher it on paper and to update you on what’s happening…whatever that is??


Here’s the thing. There is a boy…a man. I have been friends with him for a little while, not super long, but have known him for quite awhile. He’s super cute, really nice, and so, so fun to flirt with. On Christmas, I hung out with him and his fam most of the day. They live in the neighborhood and we are friends so yeah. When I wasn’t over at his house, he was texting me. Oh man, we have THE funniest conversations! All I can say, is that he chose texting me, over taking a nap…cause it was THAT good. We both were just laughing! I know this because he told me later.

Anyway, on Christmas night when I was leaving his house, he said, “I’m kinda sad you are leaving.” That made me smile of course. Then, we still texted again until after midnight….until we both fell asleep. I didn’t hear from him until Monday, when we texted off and on all day again, and then stayed up until nearly 2 in the morning. He finally informed me that it was, “past my curfew” so we said goodnight and I decided not to text him at all on Tuesday. I went to a friend’s house in Pleasant Grove that day anyway so I was busy. By yesterday morning, he couldn’t stand it anymore and first thing, texted and said, “Where are you? It’s been so, so long. ;)” Ha! So it does work. Sometimes you have to let them come to you, ya know? The advice is pretty sound there as well.

So, we texted a few times and then…he called me! Unheard of right? Cause you are not supposed to JUST text guys all the time. We talked for about a half an hour before we both had other appointments to get to. He promised to text me later…which he did. And then he called, AGAIN. He was on his way home from work so I was proud of him for not texting while driving. First of all, it’s unsafe. Secondly, it’s totally illegal here these days. So anyway, we talked for almost 2 hours while he made his way home in the snow storm. We had both had separate plans for the night but both decided not to go, due to the dumping on we were currently receiving. That’s okay though. He took a nap, then we texted some more. Finally, later, it had stopped snowing so crazy like and he said that we could do something. Well, I knew he had already shoveled his driveway to help his sister get unstuck. Plus, I did not want to go out of my house in the snow. Not last night anyway. So, I invited him over and he obliged.

Now, I know we didn’t go anywhere, and he didn’t pay for anything, but we are still labeling this number 13 because, he wanted to hang out with me, it was just the two of us, and well…I just am, okay! Mostly, we just built a fire (sort of) in my fireplace and sat by it talking. As the night drew on of course, we got closer and closer to each other until we were cuddling real nicely by the fire. Ahhh, delightful! Nothing better than snuggling by a warm fire with a hot man on a snowy night. We laughed, we didn’t cry, I took him on a trip through google maps…always fun ps…and a completely free trip and date!! Try it! And…he slept! Haha, yeah… He warned me he probably would before he came over. That’s okay though…I just laid there watching him sleeping wondering if this was really real. I was super happy and just at peace…for once lately, with how things are. I don’t really know how or what things are, but I was happy nonetheless. I know he’ll be around awhile and I guess we will just see where things go.

So, while my year is up with only 13 dates to show for it…I still feel like a winner. I’ve learned lessons that are invaluable and I can even see a man on the horizon. I’m smiling! Life is good. I’ll still be around though…to keep you posted, because I like to write anyway. And…I like YOU! Thanks for stickin around, and for being my cheer leaders! Without you, I may have given up and then where would I be? Building my own fire?? Lame!

Memorable

Remember # 12? Yeah so do I. He was nice, right? Last night I went to a party at my friend’s house. This is the same friend that hooked me up with this fine gentleman. Being mutual acquaintances of hers, we both showed up. He arrived shortly after me where I gave him a very friendly, “hello.” He looked at me strangely and quietly said, “hi” and walked away. Rude! I was a little put out so later when he was near me, I tried again with a, “hey, how are you?” Same strange look with little response. Great! I brought a guy friend along because he texted me minutes before I was leaving to see what I was up to. He was in the neighborhood and seemed like he wanted some company. So, I invited him along. While at the party, I explained to him the situation and that I thought it kind of rude of #12. I mean, it’s completely fine if you don’t like me, but we are all mature adults who should be able to be friendly toward one another, despite our lack of interest right?


Later into the evening, #12 came over and sat near me with his friend. He asked me my name, told me his name, and introduced his friend, then proceeded to ask me how I knew our mutual friend. Unbelievable! I was honestly dying a little bit as it became completely obvious that he had no recollection of me and who I was. Haha. What can you do but laugh right? Then he looked at me for a minute (probably due to my strange behavior at his questions) and suddenly a light went off in his head. He asked if I was the relief society president in her ward. I answered in the affirmative and he said, “Oh my goodness, we went on a date!!” He was highly embarrassed and rather friendly afterward, whew! At least I found the reason for his distant behavior. It wasn’t necessarily me, he just forgot who I was. That’s hardly comforting as I obviously wasn’t a very memorable date, but it made me laugh anyway!

It seems to be some sort of epidemic however. This occurrence awakened me to the realization that I am forgettable! Oh no!! Here is why I think so. I flirt with boys all the time. Honestly, I do. I have a small handful that I flirt with in different places and situations of which I am a part. Tonight for example, I went to dinner at a friend’s house. Actually, she is on a mission in New Jersey for the next 15 months but I hang out at her house sometimes. She has two brothers. One of them was the one who hung out with me last night. After the party we got hot chocolate and sat drinking it and talking for two hours. It was a lot of fun. Neither one of us is interested in the other however, but that is a good thing. Tonight, he and his older brother who is much closer to my age, way better looking, and significantly more fun to flirt with, were at the house. Older brother and I have some good times together. He once duct taped my shoe to my foot. Today he was snapping his scarf at me while I tried to steal it from him, and later on, when he stole my spot on the couch so I sat on the arm rest next to him, he kept trying to push me off… so I eventually just sat on his lap. He told me too though so no worries…I didn’t just sit on him! Anyway, he is fun but yeah, nothing there really. I honestly can’t see myself ever dating him and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way about me.

Besides these brothers, there are a few others who come around now and then and we have some good times. Tonight however, I reflected on this entire situation and wondered what it was about me that kept each of these guys from being interested in me. They don’t mind flirting and seem to like me that way, but when it comes to dating, I am not their pick. Why?? Well, I haven’t figured that out yet but I do mean to do some further investigation because let’s be honest, this cannot go on forever like this way! I need some real lovin’ one of these days!

Unique

They say to be yourself. Word on the street is that unique is better than factory made. In fact, John Mason once said, “You were born an original. Don't die a copy.” Words such as these are semi-comforting as I sit in a room full of people, half girls, half guys, observing who they are and how they act while thinking to myself, “I am just not like these girls. It is just not me!” Such was the case last weekend at the comedy show I went to. Remember how I invited lots of people but many were unable to make it? I ended up going with my friend and her two roommates. We had a spectacular time together. These girls are a lot of fun, are interesting to converse with and have taste buds that match my own (Pita Pit is a great late night snack, mmm!!). As I sat waiting for the show to start however, I quickly became discouraged at my own sense of self. Maybe it was Provo, or maybe it was just me. I often feel like a daisy in a room full of roses. They are nice, but they are different, and roses seem to be more desirable to the greater population.

After taking notice of my nonconformities, I decided to forget about them and sit back and enjoy the show. It did not disappoint. As always, my friend and his buds were hilarious and entertaining. A good laugh is always the perfect cure for feeling out of place and somewhat spectacle. Afterward I waited around for him for quite some time while he visited with everyone else. Finally my turn arrived and we had a nice visit…talked about the good old days, hugged a few times, he kissed me and we were on our way. I told the girls that I like him because he kisses me every time I see him…haha. On the cheek of course! He is a good hugger though and I always get a few of those which are like tiny drops of rain in a seemingly endless drought. Any little drop is somewhat of a welcomed miracle!

I am daily reminded of the person I am. I feel like I am surrounded by a whole group of people who are alike and I am often on the outside, trying to force my way into their circle. Part of this comes from not growing up here and therefore, naturally viewing life differently and having experienced life in a different way. It’s not bad, just different. Most of the time however, I am grateful for my differences. I want to be me, not someone else. I like who I am and don’t necessarily have the desire to conform. In fact I will gladly take Judy Garland’s advice to “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” I just hope that there will be a man that likes my unique, quirky, crazy self and be okay with stepping outside of the normal box to choose a daisy over a rose.

The Planner

For quite some time I have taken up the role of, “the planner.” Reasons for this may vary but I attribute it mainly to the fact that I am of the philosophy that you can’t sit around and wait for life to happen to you…you have to create the life you desire. I also know that generally the life most people desire does not involve sitting at home in a friendless existence night after night. Don’t get me wrong, there are not many things I love more than my alone time, but that is because I have variety in my life to compare it to. If I had no company at all, my alone time would seem very lonely.

Back to the story though. In every group of friends or acquaintances, someone has to be the planner of all things fun, right? I know that if I do not plan these exciting activities, no one else will…or else they won’t invite me to them. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that they do and that is exactly the case but no need to worry over that. The point is, over the last year especially, I have planned many fun and exciting field trips, inviting all sorts, and having fantastic times. I generally invite many different people and try to keep it somewhat random. At the same time, I have had several different groups of friends as constants on the list as well.

After some time, people stopped coming to my exhilarating outings. It was difficult to plan around everyone’s schedules and at times painful on the ego when not many came. Such was the case a few months ago at the last event I planned in my honor. Not many came and I thought, “So that’s what you think of me huh World?” As a result, I have not planned anything since. I have obviously been on a few outings but nothing too involved. Until now that is.

It’s not a big deal or anything. It’s just a few friends hanging out. Who, is the question however. Let me explain first. I am trying to help raise some money for a family in need. The father is dying, leaving behind two small children and a wife. One good friend who already had a charity event scheduled for this weekend kindly offered to donate some of their proceeds to this family. Now this isn’t just another lame sauce event. It is going to be ridiculously fun! So, being the friend I am, I decided to go and support him, as well as the family in need, by donating my own entrance fee. I invited everyone in town who is anyone (or who is on my facebook anyway) and personally invited a few to go with me. I began with one of my newest friends and together we decided to ask some of our guy friends as well.

Here is where the story gets interesting and I get to my point. I invited two guys that I knew would not come. For whatever reason they are not big on hanging out, dating, or going to social events. This was not a date situation however! Just so we are clear on that. I don’t think that I will EVER ask a guy out again. All of the advice on that situation seems to be quite sound from what I can tell of my own experimentation. Anyway, I knew these guys wouldn’t want to come but I gave them the option anyway. I was very casual about it, specifying that they did not HAVE to come but that it would be “good times.” The excuses that I received from them were more than ridiculous but at least worth a good laugh right?

The first man to reply was very sneaky. It’s hard to tell right off that he is a finalist for the “lame sauce excuses award” but read on. It took him a little bit of time to reply but when he did, he said he has a “family deal” that night so, since it is the busy month of December, he will be unable to attend. Sounds legit right? He was quite friendly, texted me back and forth a few times and we wished each other a fantastic week. Not long after, I reported my results to the other girl going with me. She informed me that it is on the night that they take his grandpa to dinner every week. Are you kidding me? I’m pretty sure the rest of his family would be okay without him, just this once! Haha so, strike for you Mr. Friend! Next.

Next we have the man who has to be THE hardest man to read on the planet. I have never been interested in dating him and never will be. We are however friends, somehow. Sometimes he seems to get my jokes, and sometimes he doesn’t. Sometimes we are like BFF and sometimes we are hardly acquaintances. Sometimes he opens up, and other times he freaks out when I do, and suddenly has “to go.” Well, I guess Sunday I reached the friendly quota but I still thought I’d try my luck last night to see if he was still in super friendly mode. Mmmm, not so, so much. He was actually slightly neutral. I texted him about the event and he promised to call me as soon as he had a chance, to talk about the details.

When he did call, and I informed him that it would be held in Provo, the reply was more than a little entertaining. First, as he stumbled for words, he confessed that he doesn’t usually go to Provo. Weird since he graduated from school there and all. Anyway, he went on about how the traffic is always bad, etc. He said because of the time, he would have to drive alone and just wasn’t sure that he could commit to that…being in Provo and all. Ding, ding, ding, another candidate!! Wow, that one was pretty bad.

So, knowing that both of these fine young men my age and single were out of the question, I pressed on. I found two more who are checking their schedules, aka looking for something better to do or trying to think of the lamest excuse they can come up with. I think that in the future I will stick to girls. It’s less complicated, they know that I obviously don’t want to date them so there is no confusion there, and if they don’t want to go, they usually just say so…instead of coming up with something really ridiculous to say. Another lesson learned in the hazy world of men: just be honest, we can take it!

An Experiment in a Refresher Course

Some of you have only joined me recently. Others who began with me have taken their journey elsewhere. Still others have stayed through good and bad, the ups and the downs of this crazy year. I began eagerly with hope and anticipation for what the year would bring. Now as I reflect, I believe it is time for a little refresher in the do’s of the dating and social world.


Everybody likes to be touched sometimes. It’s true. Touching a person, even in the smallest, and seemingly most insignificant way can say so many things, whether good or bad. It can also be one of the greatest affirmations of caring and interest in another human being. That is why it is one of the most significant love languages.

Having this knowledge, and having been made more aware of what the experts have to say on the matter, leads me to two conclusions.

Conclusion Number One: No one in the bible or any other scripture has experienced a famine to the magnitude that I have. My famine just happens to be lack of lovin! Okay, not just that…lack of personal contact in any way…including a simple and slight touch in passing. I am THIRSTY!!

Conclusion Number Two: Much of this famine is my own fault. As much as I know how important this is to many people, I still have yet to practice it in my daily interactions. And you know what they say, practice makes perfect. Yet, for some reason, I seem to be scared…too separated by our individual bubbles which, for some deeply rooted inner belief that I don’t fully understand, I believe cannot be penetrated. I know they can, but I feel stiff and awkward when it comes to things regarding touch. When I experience brief interludes of mass dating, I feel myself relaxing and opening up to the possibilities, but then the drought continues and my shell dries up and hardens into an impenetrable bubble once again.

So, on to the experiment. I still interact with men. I have friends of all genders, ages, and backgrounds. As a result, it’s time to crack the shell and reach out a little to mankind. It’s time to shake hands, touch arms, and embrace the world. Bring on the rain!

The Search Continues

In some ways, it’s my favorite time of year. In many others…I really dislike it! Being more aware of things you are grateful for and spending good quality time with family is irreplaceable. At the same time, I feel like I get really lazy and very lax about my goals. As a result, I mostly feel horrible and further, I feel horrible about myself. I LOVE to bake and cook. It’s one of my favorite things. The problem: I also LOVE to eat!! This time of year is the time for baking, and cooking, and drinking hot chocolate, and sitting by the fire. All very nice things for sure; especially if you are super skinny and never have to worry about your weight. They sound lovely but when you are constantly worried that if you are even in the same room with some sugar you will gain 10 pounds, it’s very stressful! So basically I’m trying to enjoy the good things about this time of year, but I’m also fighting hard to be who I want to be and stay on the course I want to be on.

About that course, let’s begin with an update on the men, shall we? Remember the guy who asked me out over facebook? The one who is mentally challenged in some way? Well, just the other morning I woke up and checked my email first thing. There I found a note from Mr. Facebook himself. He apologized about our date (I guess for not having taken me on one) and said that he forgot about our ages, and he is 21 and he thought that I was 32 so, “maybe we can just be friends.” Haha, so…rejected! That is quite alright though, even if it is still a slight sting just because he had to go and bring up my age…well, almost my age. I am not 32 yet…I still have a good 10 months, well 9 and some change, until that rolls around. It does make me wonder who told him how old I am though. There were only a very few people (about 3) that knew about our little chat. Hmmmm.

So, since I now have zero prospects for #13 again, I bet you are wondering how I am spending my Friday night. Well, I am sitting on my bed, composing another fabulous blog post while watching chick flicks by myself. How lame!! I told you, it’s not the best time of year for me. On top of that Thanksgiving was yesterday which of course never makes one feel good about themselves and today, while I started off really good, turned into another diet disaster since I was baking all day. Tomorrow is our annual family Christmas party for my mom’s side and we are in charge of the dessert. So, I made some delicious cookies and I tried a new recipe for Pumpkin Cheesecake. Now, I’m ready to have the whole thing over with just so I can have a new, fresh beginning again where I eat healthy and feel good about myself! But I am grateful that I could get a little baking in, it was fun!

The next question I guess, is where do I go from here? So, since I haven’t received a whole lot of input from you, and there are a lot of new people as well as quiet followers who don’t comment, now is your chance to speak up. Do you have any ideas for me to find new dating prospects? Any ideas for fun adventures that I should embark upon? Any ways for me to enjoy Winter when I really just want to survive it? I suppose I should end my hiatus from expertly advice and large crowds of single people, young and old for starters, and venture out. Sometimes it is so hard to find balance though. Too much of anything is unhealthy and that is my own expertly advice. Okay so what are your ideas?? Bring em on and I will do my best to try them out!