Advice…Full Circle

Remember back when I started this adventure and I was getting myself out there in as many ways possible? Those were fun times! I’m trying to do that now and having all kinds of amazing experiences! One thing that continually fills my soul as well as gets me out there is institute class. Remember the teacher that I loved back when I started? Well I am lucky enough that she now teaches an institute class just for my ward alone. We get her all to ourselves. This has been one of the greatest blessings of my year.

Last night was the beginning of a new class with her which was exceptional as to be expected. There is one friendly guy in the class who I know from church as well. He likes to lead the music. He is also much older than me (or so he looks) but is mentally challenged in some way. Last night he asked me for a ride home after class so I readily agreed.

On the way to his house we talked. When class last ended in June he was dating another special girl in the class. I didn’t see her last night so I determined that I would ask him about her on the way home so that we would have something to talk about. He first told me about his seminary experience having attended a local special education school. It sounded great. J I then got to the topic of this girl and whether or not the were still dating. Immediately he let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Ya know, she is a nice girl but….”

Here I digress for a minute to point out that in my days of dating as many guys as possible to meet the marriage challenge, I read many relationship books, I attended talks and workshops on the subject, and observed as much as possible in order to learn how best create a lasting relationship. I found most advice to be congruent with the others and decided as a result that it was sound indeed. One thing that stood out was that men need their space. If you give them their space they will appreciate you so much more. Now I know from experience that it is much easier to read relationship advice than to follow it. Still, I have noticed my own shortcomings in this area and seen the demise of certain relationships when I become too attached, too present, too needy.

Now, back to my special friends.  He continued that while this girl was nice, she called him 7 or 8 times a day, she filled his voice mail box so that no one else could leave messages, she constantly pressured him about their plans for hanging out, she said, “I love you” at least 5 times before hanging up the phone, she texted non-stop all day long. The girl was definitely in the too present, too needy, too attached category and it was driving this poor guy crazy! He just wants his space. He wants to live his life and come to her when he comes to her, return her calls and texts when it is convenient and not continually be harassed when it isn’t.

As I listened to his complaints I tried to sympathize with him but I was kind of laughing a little on the inside as I thought about all of the sound advice given by the experts. Turns out that they know what they are talking about. And it seems to be advice for just about anyone, no matter your circumstances in life.  I was grateful for the reaffirmation of this principal and as I continue to search and hopefully someday find that guy that I will end up with forever, I am going to remember this conversation and all mistakes of the past. In this journey I think that more than anything, I have certainly learned how to be me and enjoy it! Life is meant to be enjoyed, even when you are in a relationship! 

Still a Work in Progress

Does it seem like every time you check in with me my goals are about the same? Yeah, I constantly have some of these bigger issues on my mind. I’ve actually made progress on some of them though and wanted to share that with you and give you some ideas that have helped me along the way!

 First of all, I have lately become obsessed with money! That doesn’t mean I have a ton of it; it just means that I am putting a lot of my energy into getting some so that I can get out of debt! Since making this goal I have paid off my undergrad and a mortgage settlement on a house I used to own, as well as a few small credit cards. Besides that, I have a small emergency fund saved up in the bank and am saving a little on top of that for moving in the next few months. I’ve tried to find a good balance of making as much extra money as I can to throw at debt and save up, and having fun with life as well! Now I just have a car loan and master’s degree to pay off! Feels pretty good!

 One huge motivator for me is Dave Ramsey. I have started his book, “Total Money Makeover,” and listen to his radio show as often as I can. The cool thing is that you can stream his show from his website any time of the day and it just repeats all day so you can listen any time you want! He also sometimes gives away money on his site so it’s a great place to hang out! Not that I have ever won…but the hopes of winning are great!

 There is another guy that I like to listen to (I have really taken up talk radio over the last year or so) on Saturdays if I’m out driving. He is a local Utah guy but can be heard all over the country I believe. His name is Doug Andrew. He does several workshops and retreats around the country as well as some online classes. I actually participated in an online webinar with him recently. Great info about planning for retirement! Seriously…mind blowing. While he talks about that he also focuses on living an abundant and well rounded life. I am feeling the pressure of planning for my future now as a single woman. I’m not saying that’s what I want but I realize that I need to be prepared for whatever comes my way and I can’t wait any longer to make a better plan for such things! He has given me great direction for this.

 Okay, one more guy I want to tell you about. He is not necessarily a money guy but he is more of a positive thinking coach. Kirk Duncan is his name. His wife also works closely with him. I went to a free class of his recently and quite enjoyed it! I am attending two other free bonus classes toward the end of the month so I will include the links here to those here if you would like to join me. If the link doesn't work, just check out their Facebook page: 3 Key Elements. The Friday night class would be great for anyone! He talks about getting your kids to do chores so if you are a parent, you may want to think about attending! Being a teacher I think it will be great as well. I think the main focus is also on running a business and making the most you can from it so it should be good. I love taking advantage of these learning opportunities! There is a lot of knowledge out there to be shared with us! And that knowledge brings health, wealth, and happiness!

Loving Life

Well Hello! It's been a LONG time! I feel kind of bad because I had a request several months ago for an update and while I have thought about it a million times, it just hasn't happened! Now that it's been so long, I'm not sure where to start. I guess I will start with the fact that I am almost 35 and I am still single. I don't say that as a bad thing either! Right now…life is GOOD!! I am LOVING summer! Being a teacher, I am trying to soak up the last bits of freedom and sun that I can in every way possible. As a few examples, I went on a little road trip a few weeks ago to Yellowstone National Park, Grand Teton National Park, and to Star Valley, Wyoming where I ran my second half marathon. It was fun to get out of town, hang out with friends, and be outside!!

This last week I also went on a road trip. I finally had and took the opportunity to go to Havasupi. Have you ever been? It's BEAUTIFUL! The water is this amazing turquoise color so it's like a heavenly oasis in the middle of the desert! I think I had something bad happen every day that I was there but I loved it anyway! Day one, I almost drowned. Seriously, I went behind the falls and I almost drowned. Day two, I spilled a pot of boiling Water in my lap and got some nasty second degree burns on my legs and one hand. My exploring and swimming from that point on were pretty limited. Day three, the squirrels ate my food and pooped on what they left behind! I finally had a break down after that and felt ready to go. The next day I hiked two miles up to the village and caught the helicopter out of the canyon. In the process I had to hurry and ended up hitting my leg with my pack and tearing up some of the blisters. Hope the next people in the chopper didn't mind the small puddle of bodily fluids I left behind. Oops.

So those are my latest adventures. I am not dating anyone. The last year and a half of my life has honestly been kind of horrible. A lot of things that I could do without. But, I am starting a lot of things fresh now and in the process I am focusing on me again. I gained a little weight so I am getting active again and losing it. I'm working like crazy to get out of debt, have money saved up, and be well set for retirement. I start a new job in a few weeks that I am super excited about! I have been seeing my life coach/energy guy again which has made a huge difference in helping me to overcome the hard things that plagued me for awhile and to bring to my life the good. I'm not opposed to dating. I am keeping myself open for it. I just feel like I could lose some weight again and have a better energy about me. The energy part is coming along though! I haven't felt this light and happy in awhile and it feels good! Thanks to those who still think about me and follow from time to time. Even if I don't respond, I still LOVE hearing from you!! I will try to check in again soon. Who knows, maybe I will start blogging regularly again.

Just Kidding

Just a brief update from my iphone as I sit up late at night helping a friend in need. Right now...just waiting.. Let's get to the news you've been checking here twice a day for the last 2 months for though. Since breaking up with the boyfriend well, we just never really stopped dating. We had decided to date other people though, which I have tried to do, though only a few brief times. I had a great time for awhile on this fun app for the iPhone called "Tinder." It's pretty much genius! It's basically like hot or not, you have a one shot chance to either accept or reject someone based on their profile picture. If you both swipe right indicating interest, them you get to chat. Otherwise, you have no idea who accepted or rejected you. :) I met a couple guys. One was still married and the other was stellar but never really called back. I haven't been as diligent in my looking these days. :/

 Meanwhile, boyfriend and I have still been hanging out and chatting it up frequently. We tried breaking up again a couple of weeks ago but it lasted a day or two. He told me that he really cared about me, etc. I felt pretty good about that for like a day. The last two times I've been to see him however, I've left just feeling empty and disappointed. Things are fine but I just don't feel like he really cares as much as he says he does. Tonight I was pretty frustrated and sad as I left him. I just don't know what is going to happen there. :/

Last week came a little bit of a surprise though! Do you remember my summer fling from California? The manly pilot who took me to the rooftop for dinner and then on a carriage ride downtown? Well, he stopped talking to me when I went to Europe and he broke my heart. :( Things were really complicated for him then...he lost his job and wasn't sure what his future held. I don't know if that factored in at all to his decisions with me but I kind of hope that was it. But anyway...last month was his birthday. I still remembered it. So, I decided to take a chance and send him a really short happy birthday, hope you are well, email. He sent a short reply saying thanks and asking how I was. It made my day! However, when I replied I never heard back from him so I figured he was just being polite. Oh well. :(

But then!! Last Wednesday I got a text from him! He is out of the country and his email was acting up. Wow, there was a tiny sliver of hope! We texted for like 3 hours and he was friendly!! Then today I decided to send another quick text asking him to try resending a pic he had tried to send the other day. He did!! We texted a little but he seemed somewhat uninterested so I tried not to get my hopes up too much...even though I've had a hard time not thinking about him since Wednesday. Well, I've had a hard time not thinking about him since last summer but anyway... I went about my day and tonight after leaving boyfriend I was feeling extra sad for the loss of both of them. :( So, I went home and went to bed. And then my phone rang and it was him! The pilot! And he wanted to FaceTime!! So I picked up! :)It was a bit delayed but glorious to finally talk to him again!! Hope! Church was about hope today! I kinda do hope because I really liked that one! But I guess time will tell! Now...back to my friend...

Third Time's a Charm?

I have now had my heart significantly broken three times in the last year. Ugh! I guess the more you date, the higher the chances of such an occurrence. Still, it doesn’t make it any easier. I just hope that this is the last time. They say things come in three’s right? Well, I’ve experienced my three with a few smaller disappointments along the way. Can I just be done now??

I was going to post last week about Valentine’s day. It went okay. But now it’s over and so is my relationship. He just wasn’t the right guy for me and I knew if for a long time, I just didn’t want to do anything about it. I finally got up the courage this weekend however. It’s over. Even though I did the breaking up, I still feel really heartbroken. Crazy huh! You just can’t win in the dating game!

I know the drill though. Time is really the only cure. Time, tears, and goals. It helps me to focus on my future, to stay active, and to do my best to find hope for my future when it always seems rather hopeless just after a relationship. I was talking to a friend about this yesterday. We decided that it really doesn’t take long to be with someone and wonder what you did before you met them. I felt that right away with Mr. Boyfriend. It was like he had always been in my life. I liked having him there, yet I really want for much more than what we had. I promise I am justified in what I am thinking and saying and those closest to me felt the same way, but I had to make the decision to end it for myself. I just don’t like talking about it much.

The first thing anybody asks when you break up is, “what happened?” I do it too. But I don’t like explaining to others. I just want to move on. I want to wake up in the morning and not have to re-live the disappointment and have to remind myself to be brave and hopeful...and to get past fresh tears that I thought I had moved beyond the day before.  The thing that gives me the most courage to do that is knowing that breaking up with him opens me up to finding the guy who will be right for me. Who will be more than just nice to be with, but will be a good match…a good partner. I know it won’t always be easy but still…I do look forward to meeting him! And hopefully soon! And would it be too much to ask at this point in my life for him to be rich?? :-)

The New Year

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my goals. I just feel like I never quite meet them. This is the year though! I’d really like to finally get down to my goal weight so any suggestions or motivation will help!! I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and never really got down to where I want to be. In fact, over the last couple of years I have fluctuated up and down 10-15 pounds. Right now, I’m up. It seems like this time of year I always am! And I’m going to Hawaii in two weeks so that’s no good!! Last minute dieting for sure! No more sugar until Hawaii! It’s my downfall really. I workout like crazy, it’s my love of food that gets me down. Is anyone else having a hard time achieving this goal?? What can we do to make this year different? Help me!!!

Okay, my next big goal is to work on my finances. I am posting on Or So She Says next Friday about this topic so come check it out. My goal this year though, is to have a better retirement savings account set up, and emergency savings fund well on its way to being useful, and to pay off my undergraduate and any other credit besides my new car and my masters degree. Finally, I want my credit score to be back where it should be! I had no idea that there were some things pulling it down that should not have been on my credit report. Read about that next Friday on the other blog though..

I don’t want to overwhelm myself and accomplish nothing so I am going to leave it at those two goals for now. As the year progresses and I am in a better place with those two goals, maybe I will add to it. I think that both goals will help me immensely in my larger goal to get married and have a family. I want to be well prepared when the time comes. I want to be set financially, be attractive for my husband, and be healthy to have babies! Also, if that doesn’t happen, I want to feel healthy for myself, know that I look good, and I want my own future to be secured so that I do not have to depend on anyone else. 

As for an update on the rest of my life well…Mr. Boyfriend is still great! We have had our ups and downs as all relationships do but I am really enjoying where we are at right now. He is still sweet to me and playful. We are able to have good conversations and to share important parts of our lives with each other. I like that. Also, he is really good looking!! And well, he’s a good kisser too! So, for now, I’m keeping him!

Mr. Boyfriend

Last week’s conversation with my mom went down like this:

Mom: “So, I hear you have a date tonight.”

Me: “Yep, I sure do.”

Mom: “I told dad earlier that these are more of ‘meet and greets’ rather than actual dates since you meet each other for like 5 minutes.”

Me: “Well, he’s taking me to dinner and then we are going to a jr. high concert.”

Mom: “Oh wow, he’s actually taking you to dinner huh? Not to one of these cupcake places for a quick meeting?”

Me: “Haha, I’ve never been to a cupcake place.”

Last week I decided to get back online after a short 2 month break. You know that I’m not a quitter and I’m never going to give up so, as disappointed as I have been in the male population that is left for the picking these days, I decided to get back on the old internet and put myself through the torture of it all once again. I sifted through hundreds of emails that had been sent to me in my absence. Among them I found a cute boy that had tried to contact me a month ago. I wrote back and soon had his number. I texted him, didn’t hear back, texted again and eventually wrote him on the site. He then finally decided to text me back! Ever since then, it’s been bliss. He called me and we set up a date for the next evening…the day of the conversation with my mom.

He had invited me to dinner. Later it was dinner and a movie and whatever else. I informed him that I had a middle school orchestra concert to attend that night so it was either just dinner, or he come with me to the concert afterward. He agreed to come to the concert. I was a little surprised and kind of nervous. What if he didn’t like me? What if I didn’t like him? And then we were stuck with each other for a long evening. It turned out however that I did like him. And he seemed to like me pretty well too.

I met up with him that evening and we went to dinner at “Iggy’s.” He told me his life story and I did my best to answer his questions about mine. It was delightful. We shared our food, we talked, we laughed (yay!) and I spilled red sauce on my white undershirt. Embarrassing! He was nice and knew I was embarrassed so he just made sure to bring it up a few more times the rest of the night. Well, at first he assured me it was fine. Then after seeing me constantly self conscious about it, he decided to remind me it was there from time to time. I loved his sense of humor though. 

After dinner we made our trek up North to visit a girl that I used to teach. She likes to think I am her “second mom” so I try to support her when I can. She was playing in a middle school orchestra concert and I thought it was SO awesome of Mr. Boyfriend to commit to coming with me to such an  event which can at times be painful on the ears! We sat right behind her mom and sister who both highly approved of my date for the night. When he walked out for a minute they excitedly told me how hot he was. Uh yeah…and he was with me! I was pretty proud because he is pretty dang good looking!! We made the concert fun, teasing each other in small ways throughout. He would also put his arm through mine or just reach over and squeeze me knee from time to time. He’s flirty and silly and I absolutely love that in a man! He also got along really well with my faux daughter and her family. More points for him! 

After the concert we made our way back to his house. He showed me some Youtube videos. The first was of a famous violinist. I'm a fan but...it turns out he’s also a big fan. What? A cultured man too? Yep, it’s true. He told me about DaVinci’s art in “Ever After,” (uh yeah, he likes chick flicks too but no worries, he’s also VERY manly), he shared with me his love for the city of love…aka Paris, and we watched some silly videos as well. I was pretty happy. I didn’t stay long. He was super respectful of me, not trying to make out at all. Ahh refreshing. He let me go early since I had to work in the morning. He walked me to my car, gave me a great hug and a tiny little kiss or two. It was just perfect! I left the date a pretty happy girl!

He wanted me to text him when I got home (this hasn’t happened since pilot #1) which just made me like him all the more. I did and he said he loved being with me that night. The next morning he texted me and wished me a happy half day at work and assured me (as he had mentioned the night before) that he still wanted to make a date of Saturday night. That evening he called me a couple of times. By then, I was getting pretty sick with a cold! He wouldn’t allow it and I tried to follow his advice but I just had to succumb after awhile!

The next morning he again texted me for awhile and as I was still sick, he told me he would bring me dinner and some movies and come take care of me. How sweet! So, he came over that night with a couple of good chick flicks! We went to dinner, stopped at a friend’s party, and then went to my house to watch, “Midnight in Paris” (his favorite).  During the movie he asked if I wanted to be a couple. I really like him so far so I accepted…because FINALLY a guy is willing to commit at some level!! Hallelujah!! Seriously, I date guys for months and they continue to date the rest of the world and they NEVER commit! So, it doesn’t matter where this goes, I’m glad to give it a shot for now, and so is he. We’ve hung out a few more times and I love every minute of it! He is so dang sweet to me but also intelligent, delightful company! So…this is the story of Mr. Boyfriend and I. So far. To be continued of course!